Okay, I'm going to apologize ahead of time for the jokes I'm likely going to make throughout this. What can I say? I'm kind of immature sometimes. This is one of those times.

So, dudes, having problems with premature ejaculation? Jumping the gun a little? Arriving too early for the party? Firing heavy artillery before the general gave you the order?

Okay, there are a number of reasons this kind of thing can happen to a guy. One is that your muscles simply aren't strong enough to hold back for long. I'm not sure if you've ever heard of your Kegel muscles, or pubococcygeus muscles, but it's essential to increasing your stamina, so you're going to want to make friends with it.

Like any other muscle in your body, these need exercise. How do you exercise them? Well, choking the chicken can't hurt, but there are more effective ways to get the most out of your exercise time. First, when the penis is erect, you may notice that it's actually able to independently move up and down a little. This is due to the action of the Kegel muscles. Practice flexing these muscles to get your johnson bobbing up and down like a metronome tipped on its side.

Second, if you really want to be able to hold back the action, you need to practice closing the floodgates. When developed properly, your Kegel muscles can actually close off your urethra, blocking fluids from getting out. Practice this when you're urinating. Once you've got a solid stream of pee going, try to clench up and stop the flow. If your muscles are weak, you may find yourself unable to do this, but most men can stop the flow of urine without much trouble. Once you've successfully done this, release and let the urine flow again. If there's still enough left in the tank, try this a couple more times before you shake and dap. As always, remember to wash your hands afterward.

Doing these things to strengthen your Kegel muscles will grant you impoved sexual stamina. In fact, men with over-developed Kegel muscles have even reported being able to have multiple orgasms, accomplishing this by clenching the muscles at climax, holding back the semen. If no semen escapes at the time of orgasm, the penis remains hard for a while afterward and it becomes possible to continue having sex. I can't speak from experience on this, but suffice to say I'm keeping in shape just in case the legends are true.

(Important Update: TonyaL brought this to my attention. Despite its positive effects, too much exercise down there can actually have detrimental effects. Makes sesnse; all good things in moderation, right? So, guys, if you decide to try these exercises, don't overdo it. It's also a bad idea to exercise right after sex, as this increases the effects dramatically.)

Beyond this, however, there is much more you can do. For all its bavado and fanfare, the penis is not your strongest sexual organ; your brain is. Yes, when it comes to achieving longevity in the bedroom, nothing beats the zen-like mastery of mind-over-matter.

The key is to try to keep yourself only slightly excited during sex. Excited enough to maintain an erection, but not too excited, as this will trigger an early orgasm. You can't just get lost in the pleasure of the experience and let nature do what it will. Focus on performing your best. Do it like you think if you keep going long enough you're going to win something. Keep relatively calm, and don't breathe too quickly. Approach this endeavor with a business-like ambition. If your mental state is too aroused, an orgasm will occur, so if you find yourself getting carried away, you need to calm yourself down. Try taking a deep breath or two, or resting for a couple of seconds. If it helps, try chanting an anti-orgasm mantra in your head.

Baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers, baseball, cold showers...

Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day, Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day...

(Yes, I stole those from Austin Powers. And yes, they work)

Granted, all this is going to somewhat take the fun out of it for you, but that's kind of the idea. If you get too into it, that makes you orgasm too soon. Keep kind of calm and try to pace yourself like its a sporting event. You'll last longer and probably improve your partner's pleasure in the process.

That's about all the advice I can offer. If you still need more help, I would suggest you go on the Internet and seek out Sue Johanson. She's a living sexual encyclopedia. She's used sex toys they don't even make anymore. If anyone can help you, it's Sue-Jo.