My meeting with twilight was pretty much the same as with Harry Potter. The media simply caught up with me. In fact I knew of the movie first rather than the book. A story about vampires, human and love that could make its way up to being the second most widely-read book—what I expected was good prose and a strong relatable connection with readers. Most authors have written good prose and have managed to convey the most complex of feelings, thoughts, plots and human nature—or some form of allusion to it—but they have done so only in a way that intellectuals like themselves can understand.

The major selling point of the Twilight saga is its simple use of language which can still disclose most of the plot in a comprehensible fashion. And, oh the plot is interesting enough. What with immortal demigod vampires which (or ‘who’, if you think of them as people like Jacob did in book 4) incidentally look dazzling (pun obviously intended) and incredibly sexy; lycanthropes in the forms of perpetually topless, heavily buffed teenage boys that morph into giant wolves at will; teenage angst and the casual risqué events interspersing into all these. This storyline offers almost everything one desires in a good story other than the impression of being learned as it is not a highly regarded (and sometimes extraordinarily dull) classic.

All right, enough of the incessant praising, which was just to get you to like me. I personally find the plot a little muddled and thoughtlessly planned. It feels more like an impromptu storyline obtained from a wild whim to relive one’s teenage years but with incredible happenings to spice it up. If you notice carefully, Stephenie Meyer is insinuating a personification of herself in Bella, the protagonist. Whereas Edward, immortal boyfriend, is the incarnate of all the good qualities of the many boys she has gone out with—and probably not through online dating not with Bella’s (alludingly Stephenie’s) impatience with the internet -- back in her youth. Well, except for the bloodlust (this is actually a triple-entendre), incredible beauty and all the other idiosyncrasies that a vampire has (ice cold skin, eternally great hair, incurable insomnia, freaky extra abilities for some).

Maybe some of these were her sexual teenage fantasies that she knew would appeal to hormonal teenagers. And under the pressure of this horde of pubescent fans who kept speculating the epic sex scene, she caved in to working some the kinks into the fourth book, Breaking Dawn. My good lord, perhaps even the title is a reference to the numerous mornings Bella woke up in Edward’s arms; obviously after a cleansing ritual they had to purge themselves of the limitations of libidos—whatever they did on the bed was indisputably for religious practices. No worries, parents! The book is pure as virgin snow.

Sometimes I do wonder how people from different age groups would view this storyline. If I were to hazard a guess, this would be it:

Children: when I grow up, I want to be an indestructible vampire (What? these dreams hardly come true anyway)!

Young adults: Bah, wha’s tish? Some boo’s, eh? Yes, I’d like more booze…

Adults: Well I married your mom/dad instead, that didn’t…yeah it’s a great book.

Stephenie’s son’s teenage friends: Dude! That’s what your MOM said! Like for reals!

Obviously her son has all my sympathies. Knowing your mother is capable of lustful thoughts is bad enough but when all your friends know that, you probably would be scarred for life. I obviously marvel at how she has managed to remember the essence of being a teenager and penning it all down accurately. But sometimes, I feel that this saga is being undeservingly immortalized (and that makes three puns!). Truthfully speaking, a great story is one you can re-read with interest or/and respect. Twilight falls under neither category. The first re-read was decent but I started noticing the malapropos Lexicon and erroneous Syntax (these barely pronouncable words may obsfucate you and hopefully you won't understand my critique) . That was my respect dwindling for her. The second re-read never happened as I was unwilling to re-experience the plot omnisciently and since the language held no appeal for me, I returned to my Ruth Rendell’s.

Now on an ironic note, I fully advise you to buy this book if you have not read it yet as you certainly would enjoy it if you keep an open mind and pay more attention to the plot progress instead of the technicalities of the prose.

Now, let me venture into online dating and hopefully find a profile that reads ‘Vampire: will kill, no, thrill humans’!