Ever since I got my driver's license thirty-two years ago I have noticed several different types of highway drivers.

However, I have noticed that there are three major types of drivers; the rabbit, the turtle, and the salamander.

Nearly everyone who has driven the freeway has encountered the rabbit. The rabbit reminds me of Alice in Wonderland's rabbit that always kept checking his watch and yelling 'I'm late!" The rabbit is usually found on the freeways because there he can drive straight to his destination with minimal stops. He darts about on the highway trying to utilize every opening to gain another inch on the guy next to him. He usually drives smaller cars that he can maneuver easily, has no regard for the speed limit, and never uses his blinkers.

The turtle, on the other hand, is just the opposite of the rabbit in that he seems to have all the time in the world to get to his destination. He reminds me of the cartoon turtle from Warner Brothers who skips along in slow motion. The turtle is found on both the freeway as well as the local highway. On the freeway he causes traffic jams and often helps the rabbit out by backing up traffic and creating an opening. On the local road he seems not to notice that there are other drivers on the road with him. He drives very slowly and never seems to know what turn he wants to make. He always uses his blinkers, even when he doesn't turn!

Lastly, the salamander drives everywhere on the road because he is more concerned with what is going on inside the car rather than outside on the road. There are three subcategories for the salamander; the old lady, the perfectionist, and the parent.

Subcategories of the Salamander:

The old lady usually has slow reflexes and can barely see over the steering wheel. She usually can't see the speed limit sign or the white dividing lines in the center of the road so she weaves from one lane to another, seldom using a blinker.

The perfectionist is either some vain blonde who constantly gazes at her reflection in the rear-view mirror trying to put on more make-up, fix her hair, or just plain gaze at her perceived beauty, or the fat businessman always using his cell phone, mess with his computer on the seat next to him, or fidget with seat belt or electric seat. One handed, blind driving seems to be their greatest talent because they almost always obey the speed limit laws without seeing a single sign or line on the road, but fail to notice others around them.

The parent is the dad or mom trying to make the kids behave on the car. They can't ever seem to keep them in their seat belt so they have to reach over all the time to keep them from jumping about or hitting their little brother. They are even, at times, trying to feed the baby or put a pacifier in their mouth while finding their way to the sitter. With pacifier or little Johnny's right arm in hand, they change lanes often trying to look like they meant to swerve over into the next lane. They aren't able to reach their blinker in time so they never use them.

Of course, I was the perfect driver (smirk) until I had kids of my own and then I became the parent driver. Today, my kids are all grown so I have become the rabbit now to avoid all the other animals on the road, yet someday I will probably become the little old lady turtle.

by S.K. Proulx