Three Things That Bother Me About Wimmen
58
Female Superiority
The three things that bother me about wimmen are:
- They are smarter than I am
- The are better writers than I am
- They are better looking than I am
This is impossible to overcome. The deck of DNA cards is stacked against me from the start.
First of all they are way smarter. Look at this woman to the right. She goes by the name Storytellersrus and she is way smarter than I am. Look at what she writes about:
- Latest trend in public improv
- Top Ten Christian Theology Writers: What Makes Them Important?
- Consumer Rights cut by Conservative Supreme Court
What do I write about?
... and my most viewed hub:
See what I mean? So not only is she better looking and smarter than I am, she also writes better about more important things than I do. I don't even know how I hold my head up in public.
And then there's Amanda Severn. What is she? She's a hypnotherapist. What am I? I'm a locksmith. Catch my drift, there, bucko? Yup, once again, sure enough, she is way, way smarter than me. Okay. Obviously she's better looking, and we'll take it for granted she writes better because that really is not a stretch, is it?
We both do pictures. She does gorgeous, lovely, cultured pictures, and I do, well, below, I'll juxtapose our pictures:
Amanda's Pictures
Tom's Pictures
Amanda's Hubs
See? What do I even do this for? I should take my crayon and go home.
Blondepoet has been here 6 weeks and already maintains a higher Hubscore than I do. Why? Simple. She's smarter than I am, she's a better writer, and she's better looking. It's just not fair. I'm going to write a letter of protest to God or somebody. Her hub, A Bizarre World of Shoes, has 69 comments on it. Do I have a hub with 69 comments? Do you think I do? Do you think I ever will? Well, that makes one of us.
Look at her. Just look at her. Jesus H. Christ.
Okay, then there's this one, goes by the name of pgrundy. Smarter? Of course. Better looking? Naturally. Better writer? Obviously. Ms. Pgrundy has over 900 fans. DID YOU HEAR ME? Over 900 fans. That's more people than lived in my home town while I was growing up.
She writes these great political satire kinda hubs. Man they are great. Also, stuff that as a mere male you are unlikely to be able to comprehend.
- Top Ten Signs You Might Be A Zombie
- The Power of the Shadow: Making Friends With Your Dark Side
- Which Kind of Doomer Are You? Pick Your End of America Scenario
She's awesome, and I have to admit, I'm a little scared of her.
So that's it. Wimmen are smarter, better looking, and better writers than I am, and there's no help for it, so I'll just strap myself to the plough and get back to work. Maybe in my next life I'll get to be a spectacular woman like these.
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Comments
Hey, I don't know nothin', and I'm not alone there, either!
I bet you get at least 70 comments on this one!! :-)
Doggone it, PM, now I'm gonna be in trouble!
Tom never again will you complain about no comments on your hubs LOL - this one's going to get flooded :D
You picked three incredible women hubbers!
Your picture comparison was hilarious...What the hell was the sock picture??? Funny stuff!
"door closer adjustment"... :D
Shalini, I have been very fortunate to have attracted their attention, and hope they will forgive this blatant exploitation of their intelligence, wit, artistry, and beauty in pursuit of traffic. I am so needy!
Pest, I wrote a hub about the socks, freedom fighters of the clothing world, but no one reads it, I suspect because I am the wrong gender.
I will go readit right now! :) It is still posted right?
Hey Tom,
There's always Surgery. You could find out if Dr. Benson does sex changes.
(And that's not really Blonde Poet's picture. It's a pic of her cat that she's photoshopped.)
Feel better now?
And I was wondering about my hubscores and all that! Now I know I just got to reconcile to this.
Tom, I agree whole-heartedly with you on this one. All of those women are smarter, better writers, and better looking than you. But at least you have a sense of humor about it and are man enough to admit it.
We have a plan .........
You'll have to let me in on it, lphegenia. Someone forgot to tell me....
Here's your 13th comment, Tom. At this rate, you'll hit your target by......Wednesday??
Hi Tom,
I'm so flattered to be included here in your roll of honour! Of course I realise that we wimmin have a few things you guys are lacking, but you Tom, have humour, a quick wit, and a clever way with words that I for one, have always admired ever since I first happened upon your hubs. I hope you do get lots of comments, even if you're not writing about wacky shoes!
Oh Tom I am so excited to be on this page. I am nearly having kittens here.This really is a mighty honour, oh my I'm going to faint......................................(blonde has fallen to the ground)
Sorry haha I am ok now. I have to thank Eric Graudins for writing to me and giving me this link. I would have come anyway once I caught up with everything. Which brings me to Eric's comment here. He told me not to read the comments on this page hahah which of course just made me want to read them all the more. Hahaha.
Quote : 'And that's not really Blonde Poet's picture. It's a pic of her cat that she's photoshopped.' Looool is he saying I look like a Pussy,a cat, fair dinkum I am seriously laughing here.Meow.Purrrrr.
Tom you forgot to mention that another of my stories has 169comments. (Ooooops should I have said that.) Erase that bit LMAO
Tom you are beautiful too. I am no-more beautiful than you. You have wit, charm, you write the most beautiful poetry. I remember thinking you were serenading me, only to discover you were a shoe, writing to a foot. You really are amazing and what can I say, except thank you so much for including me here, this has made my day. I am so proud to be here standing next to you.
In my eyes this is the most beautiful, wonderfully written hub you have done
http://hubpages.com/hub/Form-and-Poetry. Bless your little cotton picking Socks Tom you rock.!!!!!!!!!!!!
Boy I am so sorry I slept through all these comments! That's perhaps the only disadvantage to a global community such as this.
Eric, I would make a really ugly woman, and, since I would still be a man inside, I would still not be able to think, talk, write, etc. Still, it might be really fun for the first couple of hours being a really dumb woman with a stunning lack of social skills compared to the rest of my gender. And of course the new equipment would be intriguing.
SiddSingh I did not mean to pile insult on top of injury. We must learn to accept and cope with our considerable disadvantages.
Yes, Matt, a good sense of humor is imperative if one is going to do the intellectual equivalent of bringing a knife to a gun fight.
Iphigenia, you don't need a plan. I surrender on behalf of my gender. Command us, superior ones!
Amanda, I am honored by your appearance. You were one of the first to comment on my work, and it was like a warm welcome to the Land of the Hub.
Blonde, how could I omit you? Just look at you! And I hear you have a lovely cat, too. The degree of inferiority is really superfluous. I must be content to lie in the gutter and admire your patent leather shoes. Hmm.
Tom, your are right as usual. This one will shine though and comments on it will surely flow as them wimmins get wind of it. haha
There are many more things that bother me about wimmen, CC, for example, that they are beyond my comprehension, that they communicate by broadband while I communicate by dial-up, that they are more sensible than I am, the list goes on.
Hey C.C isnt this just the best story.Woot.
It's great Deb yip surely is. I know what you mean Tom. haha we do love them so. You did a fantastic job and the truth is there
As a wimmen, pretending to be a cat...a female cat, I applaud your hub! You are too funny Tom, and this was a very clever way to give a few very worthy wimmen the praise they deserve. All 3 are so far up there on my list that I'm getting a nose bleed just thinking about it. :)
Great job! :D
"Door Closer Adjustment" isn't sexy? The heck it ain't!
We hold these wimmen to be self evident, CC.
Wimmens is surely at the top of my list, Pam.
Teresa! Hardware does have a certain bizarre appeal...
Now if you were a cat you'd have nine lives in which to try to become that spectacular woman you're hoping to be! :P
Lucky you!
Tom, you sweetie, you sell yourself short! Also, I'm a lot dumpier than my photo on HP--especially after another Michigan winter cooking and eating my own comfort food with DH in front of the computer and the TV! I'm thinking of putting up somebody else's picture just for the heck of it, maybe some virtual alternate.
BTW, I agree with Teresa--Door Closing is totally hawt!
At least someone appreciates us, only kidding, your hubs are great Tom, but I do agree with you when you say your not as pretty as them wimmen.
From an ignorant male standpoint, Pgrundy, thin wimmens is just meager. Good writing is sexy. Door closers? Really? I suppose, given the nature of door closer adjustment - just a touch here, a push there, perhaps a tiny increase in tension or a deft nudge of a valve, the viscosity of the fluid... hmm. I am kind of turned on, now that you mention it.
Aw, Hawkesdream, (blush, blush)
Is a wimmen foriener for womans like more than one womans in a line up?
It's hillbilly for persons of the female persuasion, y'all.
Oh, thanks Tom, I must be just another dumb man... Until reading your last comment I was trying to understand what you meant by a wimmen LOL. Well, OK, I must admit I had my wife`s help too :D
I´m not sure if you noticed but there are hundreds of female Hubbers smarter / more beautiful / better writers than us... I´m glad you chose just three of them (very good ones BTW) because it was going to be almost impossible to read a hub about almost all the wimmen here at Hubpages eheheheheh.
Hundreds if not thousands, Funride! Wimmens is everywhere! But I like it like that, so that's ok.
Oh, and welcome to the B.U.M. (Basically Useless Male) club.
Tom,
What an unexpected twist to the hub I requested! You are very sweet and gracious to take the opportunity to celebrate other hubbers!
This "wimmens" says thanks y'all
Oh, great, another one who's betta than me. LOL
I am humby glad you enjoyed, Ms. Chevous!
Hey Tom I hope you realise you are on the list of the most sexy hubbers on HP's.Wooottt. Now you cannot say you are not all that. Go Tom!!!!!
Just stopping by to see what all the hubbub was! I must say, you've gotta love a man who is sooo smart. :)
Now I have to go see what the "Door Closer Adjustment" is all about!
Ah, Blonde, thank you for that lovely compliment. It's kind of like getting my identification checked at the liquor store. Like a final warm breath of autumn stirring grass flattened and brown with the first frost of winter.
My, K@ri, I caused a stir! It is a wise man who knows his betters.
40. Agreed on all points too.
Hi Tom just another comment to add to your tally so you wont feel so lonely. Honestly the lengths some people will get to to get some admiring female attention. You make me green with envy (not really)!
Oh...you're a sly one, Tom Rubenoff! "Oh, your so much prettier than me; Oh, your so much smarter than me; Oh, your so much better than me!" Hey, I'm not knocking it; it's a legitimate tactic for attracting zee attention of zee females, oui? It's fertile ground and you've barely poked the surface. I hope it works out for you and you find the need and desire to write a series of follow-up hubs, eventually covering every female on hubpages.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go adjust my automatic door closer...needs to be a little tighter, I think.
Tom, what a sweet hub. Well you're smart enough to know, to get any where with wimmens you must stroke their ego.
Thank you Mr Golden 40.
Sixtyorso, I would be the last one to envy me. Does that make sense?
Don't worry, Christoph. If the rest of my life is any indication, it won't last!
All these years I've been stroking the wrong location, Randy!
You are adorable...what ever are you talking about??? G-Ma :O) Hugs
I'm bored and thought I would make it 45.
YOU are adorable, G-Ma!!!!
I hope increasing the tally eased your boredome, Mr. Golden. I'll try to think up some request to un-bore you.
"Mr. Golden. I'll try to think up some request to un-bore you."
uhm Tom do you want to rephrase that somewhat? er 47
Yes, I should have said 're-bore you'.
Oops?
There really is no way out of this, is there?
Just popping in to count the comments and to say a big Hi
You are such a nut Tom!!! You also write great articles and hey being a locksmith is great, at least if you lock yourself out, you can let yourself in. Me I have to try and climb through a second story window as that always seems the window that is left a little ajar in the spring. Can you imagine seeing that? I am surprised they our neighbors never called the cops and said " Hey there is a redheaded bandit, trying to crawl through our neighbors second story window." Could you imagine the embarassment??? Lol:)
Blondepoet and AEvans, let's keep posting till Tom exceeds the 69 mark!!!
You guys are sweet.
I have actually done the second story thing. Once I climbed down a drain pipe from the fifth story to the third story to get in through a back window for a friend of mine who was locked out.
I'll have to do a hub on lockout stories. There is a lot of material there.
Mighty Mom: Let's do it!!!! Yes we can do it!!!
Tom: You must share that story as I am certain it is going to be a great one!!:)
I certainly will. I have two more to write first, then that one, I promise!
I am looking forward to it as I can only imagine LOL!!! :) How many more comments do you have to go, as we have to get to 69..:)
Now where did everyone go????? MightyMom??? BP???GT? Pest? Sixtyorso??? Where are you????:)Lol
I'm here, I'm here! I went over to check out the wild places for sex hub then read SweetiePie's new one and might have taken a bathroom break or something. But I'm here and committed to getting this hub thread to 70!!!
You guys are amazing. Thanks so much.
Tom, check your stats for this hub. How many comments do you have so far? I'm trying to plan when I can eat dinner:-). Kidding. I'm in for as long as it takes. But we need to get some reinforcements in here. Where did AEvans go??/
I am right here and the reinforcements should be coming as it is a wonderful hub, isn't it!!!!I am here , I am here:)
Went to read (learn, actually) about "hipsters" and why we should (or shouldn't) hate them. Back now. Still waiting for Tom to report back from his "My Account" stats where he stands on the comment count for this hub.
By the way, I feel compelled to mention how frigging CUTE StorytellersRUs' dog is!
I have to read "Hipsters" next and maybe I should count the comments as I think he went home and took a nap, or maybe he is out changing locks..Lol:)
Her dog is cute isn't it????:)
He has 61 :)
Make that 62. By the time he wakes up from his nap or fixes that lock we could have him over 70. Wouldn't that be nice?
This is a fun game. My "comments you made" table says 66
I'm not entirely sure that is the right stat. If you click on "My Account" you will see a grid of all your hubs. Look at the title "Three things..." and then the column that says "Comments." If it says 66 then I apologize and we're talking the same thing. I am just confused by the words "comments you made" -- sounds to me like the wrong table.
But in the meantime... whatever number you had a minute ago is now 1 bigger!!!
You know I am a little mentally challenged. Luckily I have Mighty Mom to help me. Let's see.... it says 68!
Obviously inane comments are easy to come by. If the object is to just get comments to your hub, there are many methods to accomplish that. If your object is to truly inform or entertain, there is such a diverse group here that it may be difficult to get thoughtful commentary. I care little for numbers and my main purpose is quality in my hubs and comments regardless of the quanity. There are others that apparently feel the same way and some do not.
Logic,commonsense: Did you even READ Tom's hub? If you had, you would understand that there is a method in our posting quantities of comments here. This is not to say any of us -- Tom, AEvans, any of the lovely Hubber Wimmen featured above, or myself -- value quantity over quality.
PS. Thanks for calling our comments "inane." You won't be seeing me posting to any of your hubs anytime soon.
Peace. I did not publish this hub for the sole purpose of garnering comments. I published my hub, "Where are the comments, I'm lonely" for that purpose, because I thought it would be fun. And I think that is a pretty funny hub, and so it is worthwhile to me, at least.
The purpose of this hub was to spotlight the female hubbers who paid me the most attention early on. I did mention that I did not think I could get as many comments as Blondepoet, but that was all in the spirit of poking fun at myself for comedic value.
Thank you for rushing to my defense, Mighty Mom!
I am here guys yahoooo how many comments now I can't count am having a blonde moment
Who loves Tom is he not the sweetest,brilliant writer hip hip hooray.
Okie doke I have a feeling we have hit the 70mark, so who wants to party. I am going to put my party shoes on,get out the bubbly......i already tried a bottle....maybe that is why I can't count LMAO....Yea Tom u did it. I know that was not your purpose but you deserve the limelight.....three cheers.....who wants to dance........AEvans is dancing..woot...look at her go......
Looks like that makes 75! Thanks to you, Mr. Logic Comma Commonsense and all my other very good friends. You are the bestest of the bestest, Blonde!
I feel like I'm having a fundraiser telethon!
logic commonsense doesn't understand, did you notice the name??? Logic commonsense ????? It does not have any ...Lol I am now 76!!!!Yippeee!!! ****confetti****************************************************
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY! You guys are so much fun
I stand in your defence too Tom after re-reading the comments. Hubs can be informative, fun, thoughtful whatever they want to be. This hub to me was totally fun. Look at AEvansRandy,Pest and I we added around 30 to 40 comments on Constant Walkers Naked Hubbers page just having a mud wrestle with each other.
No sense in it, nothing to do with the hub, but we did it as we have the freedom here to express ourselves in whatever way we like and although CW did not write it as a sole purpose to collect comments, he is delighted with his 300+ comments there. Writing all over someones page means that we are drawn to it firstly as it makes us feel good and we are able to be ourselves.When we can do that it is us that chooses to plaster it with our joy.
And we all enjoyed the mud wrestling very much! Also the comments help build community. And of course it is fun to get them! You always write very good comments, entertaining or informative in some way. Thanks again!
Tom, I just love me a man who appreciates women. :-) Well written!
I enjoyed writing it, too. Thank you MotherHubber!
Chi Chi is intrigued by the sexy arching of Tom's eyebrow. She strikes a pose to make herself appear more thoughtful, smart, and introspective like the wimmens he speaks of (she saw how to do that in a picture book).
"I yam sinking of smart sings Tom." *wink* Oops, winking isn't smart. Now he will surely know she has the mind of a shallow pond filled with slimy frogs and algae.
Tom is impressed by the flexibility of Chi-Chi's facially expressive features and imposing accessories.
"Slimy's good. I've got no problem with algae. I like algae. It's kind of like spirulina."
Imposing accessories...ROFL! Can Chi Chi borrow that phrase? It's a good one! :D
Naturally. Refrences to your impressive topography are yours automatically, I'm sure.
A clever way to vent about the gender injustices of the hub world.
This was a fun Hub. I got to thank the hubbers who first welcomed me and gave me moral support. I like to do a hub about hubbers once in a while.
Seems I'm here a bit late, no excuses, I'm a woman so I get that perogative. Well, I can't say I'm surprised, Tom. I'm sorry you're smart enough to notice these differences. Most men go through life without a clue and are happier for it.
Oh, to have the bliss of ingnorance, the illusion of superiority! I am bereft in the knowledge of my inherent shortcomings! Alas!
Oh my gosh! I have not seen this. You TOTALLY flatter me and I am thrilled to be on a list with Amanda. Gee, Tom. I am absolutely speechless.
I'm glad you approve, O Talented One.
Well, at least we didn't have to convince you of our superiority, Tom!
I only too well appreciate the tolerance my female superiors show by allowing me to continue publishing here.
Abhishek87 says:
8 months ago
Don't worry Tom, you are not alone, there are more than we know :D