Lately, every night when my husband returns home from a stressful day at work, he walks into the kitchen to find mounds of used paper towels. These crumpled up Costco paper towels, sometimes still wet from my numerous hand washings, will be sitting in stacks on the chair at our breakfast nook beside "my chair" -- the one from which I do most of my work on the computer. Another stack may be sitting on the table adjacent to my computer, and another on the counter next to the sink.

If I happen to be sitting at the table when he attempts to collect the towels for disposal, he may receive protest from me before he recoils his hand for fear I will slap it.

This is odd behavior, you say? You don't know the half of it.

My excuse for this behavior is my growing stress over my impending bilateral mastectomy surgery and TRAM Flap in conjunction with the planning of our son's bar mitzvah. Think of the planning of a bar mitzvah including most every detail you would need for a wedding, only with a different kind of dessert and the addition of games for the numerous pre-teens attending.

Rather than being formally diagnosed by a neurologist, I have been informed casually by a general internist physician that I have Tourette's Syndrome, a condition believed to be a very mild and manageable form of autism.

Not the form of Tourette's that produces uncontrollable ranting and shouting of obscenities, although, I do tend to curse too much; not because I can't control my cursing, rather because it just feels good to swear. I love saying the word, "fuck," for instance. And yet, writing it in such a clinical fashion leaves me feeling self-conscious about my choice of words. No matter, it still feels good to say it. Try it and you'll see... "Fuck. Fuck!" Doesn't that feel better? Okay, maybe not for you, but I enjoy it.

Anyway, you may not agree after my last point, but my form of Tourette's is the twitchy kind. The kind you try to hide from the other kids when you're in school because of how cruel they can be when they watch your twitching or vocal habits. It's the kind you hope your friends and co-workers don't notice.

One time at my job working in city government, I was really tired and a bit stressed and I sat at my desk facing the computer screen and entryway beyond. I couldn't stop blinking to the point it leaves me with headaches and keeps my eyes closed long enough during the squinting and blinking to take away my vision for a few moments... don't try this when you're driving.

When I finally regained control of my eyelids and stopped scrunching up my nose, I noticed a friend, a co-worker, was standing in my doorway with an odd expression filled with confusion and the discomfort of having caught me doing something that should remain private. I was embarrassed and quickly began blushing.

"Oh, I got something in my eye." That was the safe explanation most of the time, but it doesn't explain the tensing and jerking motion in my neck.

I've heard this form of Tourette's being described as "normal behaviors gone wrong." That statement is appropriate, but doesn't take away the reaction of people who don't know what the fuck has gone wrong with you. Yeah, there's that word again.

I find, my Tourette's -- a condition my father and his father displayed, prior to being passed down to me and my sister -- is generally brought on most noticeably by stress and lack of sleep, both of which I entertain on a regular basis. Also, Tourette's generally shows up in young or pre-teen children. Mine showed up just in time for middle school when kids were at their cruelest... Yippee! My son's showed up right around third grade. Luckily, he is a popular kid and didn't have to take the abuse I did.

So, next time you see someone jerking their head about, blinking uncontrollably, rolling their eyes back as they blink hard, twitching their nose, tensing their limbs, forcing out little bursts of air through their nose or mouth, raising their eyebrows or shoulders repeatedly, and too many other little (or big) "tics" to mention, be kind and remember... We have to carry out these tics like someone else must sneeze or cough. Forcing ourselves to stop is extremely difficult and sometimes seems rather painful, or at least as annoying as having an itch you can't scratch because your hands are tied.

And just when you thought it was bad enough, combine that with a little OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and your bizarre life is nearly complete. (I know I'll get shit for saying life with Tourette's is bizarre, but that's how it feels in my case). I’m told this is a typical combination and for me, the addition of OCD is where the towels come in. I need to wash my hands a great deal. I use the fresh paper towels to dry my hands because if you have kids. You really don’t want to know the things they wipe on towels hanging in the kitchen.

My son's green solution to my paper towel problem is to have everyone have their own towel hanging in the kitchen. We'll decorate the towel with our names and then, we (really, me) won't waste as much paper towels. Such a smart kid!