I have decided to switch gears a little from my usual Hubs to write about something I'm proud to have some knowledge about. I didn't go to school to become a marriage counselor but after 21 years of being married to the same beautiful woman I met and fell in love with in junior high 31 years ago, I have a pretty good grasp of what it takes to work with my partner to make the most of everyday married life together. So I give you tip #1 in my new series of Tips To Keep Your Marriage Strong, "The Morning Cuddle".

My first ever bit of advice to all of you bored long time married people or even to you newly weds out there is to find time for each other every day. I'm not talking about sitting in the same room watching television and I'm not talking about a one hour stare fest where you're supposed to be sharing your feelings with each other. I'm talking about a small period of time, even 5 minutes, where you and your partner can connect with each other. Hold hands, wrap your arms around each other or cuddle on the couch and tell each other how much you love them.

My wife and I are busy people.  But we have a time set Monday through Friday where we get our special time together. When I wake up in the morning at 5:30, I go immediately into the shower. It usually takes me about 15 minutes to shower and dry off and do the normal get ready things we all do. When I come out it's time for our morning cuddle. I hop back into bed with my wife, wrap my arms around her and for the next 10 to 15 minutes we just hold on to each other, turn the TV on and watch the morning news.  At 6:00 it's time to get up and start the day. On the weekends we usually have some time in the morning to lay in bed and just enjoy the sunrise before we have to get up and start the day. This has done wonders for our relationship, believe me. For me, it's the only time in the day where I get my wife's undivided attention. I'm not afaid to admit that I need her to pay attention to just me, even if it's only for a couple of minutes.  So whether she's mad at me for something I've done or sad from something else going on in her life, I know that we still have our connection, letting each other know we are still there and we still care.

We're only talking about touching, nothing else. It is only about the physical connection between you and your partner. It's not a time to bring up all of the things you need to do in your day or all of the things that went wrong. It's about you and your partner physically connecting, not sexually, even more intimate than sexually. Every morning I slide back under the sheets and grab hold of my wife, I realize just why I go through the everyday hassles of working and paying bills and all of that. It's so I can wake up and see that beautiful woman in bed next to me who cares for me and loves me more than anyone else in the world. So you see, it goes much deeper than sex, and is much more rewarding in the long run.

I understand that the morning cuddle may not work for everyone.  People on different work schedules and taking care of children and dogs and whatever else gets in the way may make it impossible to schedule the morning cuddle.  But that doesn't mean you can't find another time of day for yourselves.  Here are just a few alternatives:

• If you are on different work schedules where one works at night and the other works during the day, you need to find that time of day when the night person is waking up and do your cuddling then.
• Or maybe you're not into cuddling at all and need another way to show your affection for each other.  Maybe when you get home from your busy day the two of you can just sit down on the couch and hold hands and watch TV together for a while.  Sit close together and try to get that physical connection through the touch of your fingers.  It's funny how just a simple little rub with your thumb on your partners hand can mean so much.
• Perhaps you will have some time right after dinner to just sit and relax.  It's a great time to have the kids learn how to clear the table and wash the dishes while you two spend some time holding hands at the table and talking about your day.  Not as effective as some of the others but if that's all you can get, take advantage of it.

The important thing is that you try.  It may not work out for you every day but if you're aware of it and you're both trying, it will eventually happen.  And if it really isn't that important to you then I think there might be something else you need to work on.  We'll cover those things later in the series.

I am no doctor or expert on human relations. What I do know is how I feel when someone touches me in a caring way. I think we can all relate to what the human touch does to us. And just because your partner said "I Do" all those years ago doesn't mean that they don't have the need for caring human touch. Better to come from you than from someone else, right?

We all need to feel loved. And we all have love to share. As a married couple you have to make sure you don't ever forget that no matter your situation, young or old, rich or poor, with or without children, it was you two who fell in love and decided to make this life together. Nobody forced you.  Keep that love light bright and make time for each other every day. Whatever it takes. Just make it happen. You will not be sorry.

See you next time when I write about "Saying I Love You and Really Meaning It."

Jim B