Before our first granddaughter was born, like most grandparents, we'd dreamed of taking future grandchildren to the park, spoiling them with presents, and leaving the hard work of raising them solely up to their parents. However, that dream fell apart early on, when the financial realities of my single parent daughter became increasingly apparent. As hard as my daughter tried, she simply could not provide the quality of life that we wanted for this precious baby girl and for her. Therefore, from the beginning living almost a thousand miles away, we filled in the gaps financially, as needed, and did our best not to worry.

For me, it was particularly heart wrenching because I too, had been a single parent. I knew first-hand the realities of that situation. I did not want my daughter to be put in the position of sacrificing herself, just to put food on the table. I didn't want her to settle for less than she dreamed of, not only for her own life, but also for her child. I wanted her to be able to concentrate on the more important job of raising her child to the best of her abilities.

Personally, I'd always dreamed of making the leap from weary parent, to doting grandmother -- not to that of raising another kid. More importantly, I didn't want to rob my own child of the joy of being the "mom." That's a title that belongs to her and her alone, even if she makes mistakes (and those of us who have the gift of hindsight know -- we all make mistakes when raising our children).

An unexpected early retirement on my husband's part left us with a dilemma. While his retirement income was greater than the average, we weren't comfortable about the long term financing of two separate households. Then, illness struck and the decision was made for us -- we needed to move from our rural environment to some place where better medical care was available. The only sensible solution came in the form of combing our two households.

Early on in this arrangement, it was very important to me that we didn't end up raising our granddaughter, even though we were under the same roof. I'd seen far too many female friends and neighbors, in that position. Sometimes both the grandparents and the kids have no choice. Life circumstances can make them part of the 2.4 million children in America who count of their grandparents for their chief parental care, discipline, and financial support. No one knows exactly how many grandparents in America provide this kind of live-in childcare. Oddly enough, an alarming number -- some fifty-eight percent of grandparents in the following states, are known to be in that position:

• South Dakota
• Oklahoma
• Mississippi
• Alabama
• Arkansas

This is a much higher rate than that of all other states.

The Biggest Adjustment in Multi-generational Living -- Discipline Issues

One of the biggest adjustments of having a grandchild in our home, was that for years, it had just been the two of us living on a rural farm. When we all moved in together, we had a number of lifestyle transitions to cope with. The very first issue, was having the maturity, to know that we absolutely could not have our lives revolve around this beautiful child. That wouldn't be good for her.

It wouldn't be good for us as a couple. Nor, would it be good for us as a family. We soon found out that it's not always easy to keep a multi-generational household running smoothly. It is an on-going tweaking, an ever-changing series of adjustments as the child grows and matures. A big part of those adjustments revolves around the subject of discipline. Here, are some suggestions that work for us:

• Earn your grandchild's trust, by establishing dependable routines during the times when you are providing the childcare.
• Enforce their parent's rules and discipline styles (even if you don't agree with them completely, that's something the child should never know). You should never undermine their parent's authority.
• Keep promises.
• Build your relationship through activities, not buying "things." Play games, do art projects, play ball, or read together everyday, tell jokes -- the possibilities are endless. Give them real memories they can keep for a lifetime.
• Find and make time for yourself and your spouse.
• Just do your best -- You can't keep a child from feeling sad or facing disappointments. They are an important part of learning.
• Enjoy the "normal" joys of grand-parenting, that of getting to spoil the child somewhat. However, try to think along the lines of gifts that either give lasting memories, or help the child learn and be a better person. Examples are: Horseback riding lessons, going to all their soccer games, concerts, etc.

There have been trials in this sort of arrangement, but the challenges are only part of the tale. Every one of us reaps the benefits of this living arrangement. We have gotten to form deeper connections with our granddaughter, than we would have, had we not made the choice to combine households.

I hope that she will value the many gifts we've been able to give both her and her mom, particularly that of our time. We hope that she will treasure this, far more than any gift we could buy her. Having grown up under the same roof as my own grandmother -- I know her presence in my life was one of my greatest gifts.

Moreover, I know that my adult daughter, has gained peace of mind and the satisfaction of knowing that her child was cared for by a member of her very own family. We are her back-up system. The joys of living in a combined household, more than make up for the little inconveniences and minor irritations. Walking the tightrope of discipline is a breeze, when you simply remember-- you are the grandparents, not the parents.

Even when your grandchildren live with you, there are still opportunities to leave the most valuable gift of all -- making cherished memories, that will last them a life time. One of the ways you can do that, is to take them on vacations and to take vacations from them. Both are important to your relationship (and sanity).

Just like with parents and children, it's far too easy at home, to get caught up in routines, school, studying, and work -- and miss out on just having fun together. As grandparents, it's important to remember that while you are giving them a wonderful gift of exploring new places, new cultures, and new experiences -- it's also important to deliberately include the "ordinary." You are traveling with a child, not an adult. You have to include recreation, especially physical recreation.

One easy way to accomplish this, is to divide up the day with the touristy activities in the mornings, while everyone is not tired and let afternoons be either more leisurely activities, like swimming in the hotel pool, splashing in the surf, or just simply letting them play in a local park. Another way to include recreation, is to "relax" some of the rules, you'd normally be more rigid about at home -- especially those revolving around meals and snacks.

Other things for you to consider:

• Keep in mind the age of the child you are traveling with. Save the international trips for when they are old enough to remember them.
• If they are very young, make sure you visit places they can relate to. There are a large number of "fun" interactive museums today. Zoos are always a big hit.
• Skip long car drives.
• Skip long bus trips.
• Keep in mind your grandchild's normal attention span, it won't change just because you are on vacation.
• With older grandchildren, involve them in the planning of the trip and allow them to choose some of the activities. Get them reading and researching -- prior to the trip about where you will be going.
• Giving them their own digital cameras keeps most grandchildren of any age, very busy and involved actively wherever you go. You'll be surprised at the amazing pictures you would have never taken.
• Bring a fair amount of electronic gear that are age appropriate for your grandchildren. Ipods, MP3 players, CD players, Dss, and DVD players are wonderful companions on any long trip, as they relieve the boredom children can often feel on long flights, car rides, and other transport between destinations. It also gives you a break, especially at the end of a long day, if they have something "familiar" from home.
• Give each child a set amount of spending money each day for souvenirs, snacks, etc. This eliminates the constant requests to buy things, if it's limited to what "they" have.
• Let your grandchildren buy postcards at each new place and encourage them to send them back home to themselves and others. Once they get home, help them put the postcards in a scrapbook, along with the pictures they took.
• Encourage older grandchildren to "journal" daily about their trip.
• Pack your sense of humor and an extra suitcase of patience.