Divorce takes a horrible toll, on the kids, on friends and family and on the couple. There are a few tips on helping your kids get through this difficult time with the least amount of damage.

Realize Your Ex Loves The Children Too
Some parents when getting divorced get very possessive of their children. They prevent the other parent from seeing the children, talking on the phone with the children and emailing the children. This is NOT beneficial to the children. If you love your children, you need to think of their needs ahead of your own anger. The kids will benefit from being actively communicating with their other parent. This creates a feeling of normalcy and lessens the feelings of loss they may be experiencing. If you prohibit your kids to communicate (or aggravate) with your ex, this will not only be painful for your children, but will also create a hostile and angry relationship with your ex. This hostility will benefit no one. 

If you are the Custodial Parent - YOU choose the Tone
In so many ways, if you are the custodial parent, you chose the tone of how everyone's life will be after the divorce. You can CHOOSE to either be bitter, or move on, gather support and help, and try to make a good life for you and your kids. Instead of sending the kids to visitation with only the ratty clothes on their backs, pack a suitcase for your kids, or send a bag of clothes to the ex. This cooperation will go a long way. Instead of not informing the other parent of school activities, and extra-curricular, take the extra 5-10 minutes a week and inform him/her. This will be best for your kids. Your kids will have both parents involved and they will be happy. Swallow your own pride, make an effort, and it will pay off for your children's future. 

If you are the Non-Custodial Parent - Make the Extra Effort to Be There
If you are the non-custodial parent, it's extra important you make the effort to be there for your kids. Make sure you make their parent teacher conferences, coach their soccer team, do whatever you can to be there for your kids. Make your home cozy so it doesn't feel like the kids are visiting. Decorate their room, have some extra clothes and comfy pj's, keep a routine. Discipline shouldn't be non-existant because you see the kids less frequently. This will not help your kids be good people in the future. They need structure at both homes. 

Effectively Co-Parent
The importance of effectively co-parenting in a divorce situation can't be underestimated. This is one of the most important things you can do. If you speak with your ex about problems that arise, you can work out solutions and be a united front. Just because you are no longer united in marriage, does not mean you cannot be united in raising your kids together. 

Take a Breather the Year After Divorce
The first year after divorce there are a lot of changes and emotions for kids and parents alike. This is a good time to take care of yourselves. Cut down or cut OUT extracurricular activities temporarily. Take time to snuggle with the kids and talk to them and how they feel. This is a very difficult time for everyone, but you can get through it and most importantly, with a little extra effort and consideration for everyone involved, the kids will flourish. Take care of yourself and think of the kids first.