In a perfect world, every wedding would be unique, interesting, and very reflective of the values, needs, and interests of the couple getting married.

Sadly, ever since Queen Victoria's daughter got married, we in the English-speaking world somehow got stuck with a cookie-cutter wedding that we're all desperately trying to fill: tuxedos, white dress, "Here Comes the Bride," bridesmaids, "Dearly Beloved," big white cake, the works!

I am proud to say that when my husband Alex and I got married, we decided to make the ceremony and reception ours, right from the beginning. Here's what we did:

The clothes. Alex is a history professor, and used to attend Scottish highland festivals and compete in the games. For him, a pleated-on-the-spot great kilt and large poofy-sleeved Renaissance shirt was much more a reflection of who he really is than a tuxedo! Not to be outdone, I was in a forest green/moss green/burgundy/rose Renaissance dress and bodice ensemble that was about as far away from the white dress as I could get!

What's wrong with jeans as wedding attire, if that's really your style and what you feel comfortable in? Nothing!

If you're into a more goth look, why not get married in it? So you're the bride and you're in black. So? So you're the groom and you're in a "vampire outfit" or wearing a sword. So what? I'm going to say this a lot here: It's your wedding!

So you really want the bridesmaids in Civil War era hoopskirts and the groomsmen in Union soldier uniforms? Cool!

The ceremony. I have three words: write it yourself. That's right, from start to finish. Vows, introduction, prayers, the works. There are certainly a lot of sources online (probably so many you'll feel overwhelmed) with basic scripts you can steal from, er, I mean be inspired by. Find the words that mean something to you and to your future spouse and write them down! That's what Alex and I did. My parents loved it, my grandmother loved it, our guests loved it. The only person who was a little crabby about our refusal to use "dearly beloved" was my mother-in-law. She was in the minority!

Wedding party. If you're the bride, and your best friend is a guy, make him your guy maid (or matron) of honor! (but don't expect him to wear a dress!) If you're the groom and you're really, really close to your sister, make her your Best Person. Say it with me: It's your wedding!

If you have pets, and want them to be the ring-bearer and/or up by the rest of the wedding party during the ceremony, go for it! (dogs and horses are better at this than, say, cats and ferrets)

And definitely, if there are children from a previous marriage, get them involved.

Location, location, location. We've all seen footage on the news of couples who chose to have their ceremony in a hot air balloon high above the earth. Or in scuba gear and underwater. Or right before jumping out of an airplane. If you and your intended share a hobby that means a great deal to both of you, consider ways to incorporate it into the ceremony, if not the reception! Who says you have to get married in a church? Who says you have to get married in a building?

Music. If you and your sweetie are, say, jazz afficionados, why not hire a jazz combo for the ceremony instead of an organist? Or maybe you could use recorded music of a band you really like -- rock, metal, grunge, anything! Let's say it again: it's your wedding! One wedding I officiated at even used the soundtrack from the movie The Princess Bride! Way cool. The standard wedding songs and processional and recessional music has just been done to death. Shake up your guests: play what you like!

Reception. Last but not least, the reception can also reflect your life and your unique personalities. Alex and I chose to have our reception be a pot-luck dinner in our own house. Plan a barbecue, a fish fry, rent the back of an Italian restaurant or a jazz club! Have an ice cream cake! Drink from skull-shaped goblets and don't forget the small cube of dry ice in the drink beforehand (wait until it melts before you sip!). Get married in the morning and have breakfast food at the reception.

With a little imagination, some courage for standing up to Grandma and Aunt Martha, and willingness to think outside the stereotypical wedding box, you can have a day you and your guests will never forget!