To College? That is the Question (Part 1)

To College or Not to College?

The Question of College: I was raised in an era when all the 'cool kids' were going to college and my parents told us that it was mandatory for a good and happy life. In many ways, they were right. In some important ways, they were wrong. How you encourage your children to attend an institute of higher learning will depend greatly on your experiences and situation. What works will depend on the relationship that you have with your children and their own opinions about things. Even with all of these variables, there are some ways to nudge your children toward college. I have broken these down by age range.

Age 0 - 10

This is the easiest age for many reasons. Children look to their parents for much, including opinions, facts, attitudes and world view. This is the time when you help your children be good people in the future. This is also when you can shape your children's prejudices, so be careful.

Each quarter take old toys and clothing to a homeless shelter or shelter for abused and abandoned children. As you leave the shelter explain that the people staying there need extra help because something failed in their lives. Suggest that, had they been to college, they might not be in that predicament. As the secondary purpose of the visit is to help your children develop civic spirit, an emphasis on how nice it is to be able to help is also useful. If you couple that with mention of how you are able to afford to be generous because of your education, it reinforces the tie between financial success and higher learning.

1. Get your children to talk about their friends. Birthday parties, gifts received and given, toys they play with, even the games that they play can be hints about the education level of your children's friend's parents. While friend selection is really up to your children, encouraging them early to hang out with children whose parents are well educated sets the expectation that your children will be in the same social circle at an early age.
2. Take your children to cultural events hosted at the local University or College.
3. Enroll your children in classes for children at the University or College.
4. Enroll your children in the University or College's Summer Activity Program.
5. Take your children to events hosted by the local Zoological Society, Music, Theatre and Museums.
6. Perhaps the single most important way to encourage your children to go to college is to instill in them a love of reading.
7. Second to reading is a love of learning. Show the delight of discovery when you learn something new. Talk about what is in the news. Get your children to share their opinions about what is happening in the world. Follow up by asking how they came to their conclusions. Be honestly interested in what they have to say.
8. Teach them to follow through!

Age: 10 - 15

This is a difficult age range. Children begin looking at their friends for input more consistently than to their parents. This is the first place when encouraging them to hang out with the sons and daughters of college educated people pays off. Some incentives that are useful at this time include:

1. Continue with the cultural events, but update them for your child's taste and interests.
2. Have your child begin experimenting with different 'professions'. Take them to visit various departments at the University. Most Universities will set up tours for children in the various scientific labs. This is especially true if you take a group from your child's school or youth program.
3. This is the age when games and video gaming become important. This is okay. Choose games with a cerebral component. RPGs, puzzle games, and quest-based games are good for inspiring imagination. The games that are for more than one person help develop team work. As the child becomes more interested in graphics arts, game design and storytelling, encourage them to look for college programs that teach what they want to learn. Do not wait for them to become of college age. Encourage them to start reading up on what it takes to design and produce a game. 10 year old people become passionate. Take advantage of this.
4. If your child is not 'into' games, you can accomplish the same thing by finding out what he or she is excited about. Structure visits to the college library around his or her particular interest. Encourage your child to design and build or develop an innovation that he or she has. They all do at this time. It does not matter at all whether it is 'practical' or not. Your child can make that call, and will. When he or she runs into a problem, help with the research. Again, a visit to the college library is in order.

Age: 15 - 20

This is the most difficult age, in many ways. From about 15 to about 18ish, your children could care less what you say. They believe that their opinions, and those of their friends, matter a great deal more than yours. You are old. You are 'used up'. What could you possibly know about the world as it is now. Then, sometime after about 17, just about the time you get used to being ignored, suddenly you are 'cool' again. Aggravation is the order of the day. There are still ways that you can get the message across, however. You will notice that the following do not include commenting on college. This is a very rebellious time when children are looking for something to struggle against. They are likely to develop resentment bordering on animosity toward anything that you think is good for them. So, the encouragements include:

1. Beginning at about 15, grow reluctant to spend your money on your child's extras. Food, clothing, toiletries, etc, do not fall into this category. Toys, games, gaming systems, and so on are definitely in this group. Mention that if they had their own money, they could have these things and that you will need to think about it. This will encourage them to get a job of their own.
2. Start paying the bills from the kitchen table. Talk to them about how expensive things are. Here is the only time when mentioning your own college education is okay. (If you have been to college, show relief that you can afford to pay the bills because of the degree. If you do not have one, allow any anxiety about the future to show.)
3. When your child gets a job, charge a nominal rent. Show how the money is spent. Use the money to pay something tangible, be it utilities, groceries or mortgage/rent. This connects the amount the child pays you to a specific cost/value. Apply it to something that costs more than the child is paying you. This shows how expensive it is to run a household.
4. Start looking at the wage / education level expectations in the local paper or on the web. Talk about what it will take for you to get a better job.
5. Start taking classes at the University or at the Community College.

Clearly, not all children will fall into the categories and attitudes described. These are generalizations and must be applied as guidelines, only. Further, none of these are sure-fire ways to inspire your child to go to college they will give your child a head start in whatever path he or she chooses to follow.

Stay tuned for the second part of this topic. It will be in: Or Not to College? That is the Question (Part 2).