There isn’t a day that goes by in our household, that the subject of friendship isn’t a thick blanket of discussion, or at least a problematic fog that never seems to lift. For the two members of the family who are struggling with it -- the subject of friends can seem overwhelming at times.

For our eleven year old granddaughter (living in our home), the subject of friendship is an everyday up and down roller-coaster ride of the high drama variety. This is a pretty normal "pre-teen girl" thing, as many parents and grandparents of this age group know.

She is a popular out-going and therein lies the foundation of the problem. Being social can be a burden, especially if it constantly gets you into trouble (i.e. detention for talking). Academically, she would do a whole lot better if she was a whole lot less social -- lots of laughs and drama in this department.

Her fun loving personality and exceptional good looks, makes her unusually popular with the boys. The other girls seem to take turns -- either all wanting to be her friend and fighting for that all coveted position of "best friend," or, they are all shutting her out, because too much attention from the boys, can be a mixed gift. She's not a girly girl and the tomboy aspect of her personality really endears her to all the boys.

There are afternoons when I pick her up from school, that the minute she gets into the car, she bursts out in tears. Recently, in science, one of the more popular boys picked her as his lab partner. By noon, everyone of the girls, including her best friend, were not speaking to her. Nor, was her regular place saved at the lunch table. When she tried to sit with them, all the girls scooted together, so she could not join them.

One of the other girls had started a rumor that Kaela had slapped her for no reason. The slapping incident never happened. The girl admitted this the next day when confronted by one of the teachers. Her excuse was that she only lied, because she was mad that Kaela had gotten chosen to be the lab partner over her.

Two days later, both girls are made-up and there is plenty of room at the lunch table. Now, a different "friend" wants to copy off her math homework, and they aren't talking because she refused. She stood her ground, and they remained friends, but there is hardly a day without some drama revolving around those all important friendship moments that define how children grow into loving adults.

She's evolving into understanding both what it takes to be a friend and to have friends. As painful as it is occasionally, it's also very clear on most days these all important ideas of what it means to be a friend and have friends, is as much a part of the curriculum as math and English.

While we can commiserate, offer advice, and observations -- this is largely one of those tough parenting issues where your heart can ache for your child, yet they are on their own figuring out all of the ins and outs of that often elusive thing called friendship.

At the other end of the friendship spectrum, is the sixty-six year old of our household. Starting about fifteen years ago, almost all of his close friends, co-workers, and male relatives began to die prematurely. The loss of these close bonds, has been devastating. An early retirement and long distance move from all those remaining friendships, has become a profound loss of self and led to an ever deepening loneliness.

Several times a week, those lost friendships and close relationships are a topic he brings up. A man doesn't expect his baby brother to die of cancer within weeks of being diagnosed. He never saw it coming when many of his childhood friends and male relatives, also died in quick succession -- an unfathomable twelve funerals in two years.

Then, there were his co-workers, without exception, he was older than each of those who died. In the transportation industries, the work conditions often lead to heart attacks, lung cancer, mesothelioma, industrial accidents, and other cancers. Freight crews, like long distance truck drivers, lead very unhealthy lives of irregular hours, over-work, great stress, and infrequent meals.

Thus, within the world of railroaders, it's a sad fact that they have a higher rate of premature death. It's one of the industries, where the legal firm vultures swoop into railroad terminal towns, hosting free meals as they test the crews for mesothelioma. The same mentality applies for other free meal and drink events, for other industry-wide common disabilities and illnesses, such as the loss of hearing.

The railroaders know that by being tested, they are likely to receive a cash settlement, for the price of signing their name. The law firms take up to one-third of the settlement amounts. The railroad also benefits, because the conditions of settlement, are that the men cannot sue them once the debilitating symptoms of some of these serious health issues are fully upon them.

Settling for a whole lot less, it saves the companies lots of money and absolves them of responsibility. Some of these situations were caused by failure to protect the men from noise, by not requiring ear plugs after OSHA advised them to; exposing them to asbestos (in locomotive brake shoes); not taking proper precautions to protect workers when hauling hazardous chemicals, coal, and grain.

Other problems are the result of the reality of the jobs (such as, no bathrooms on board or stops, despite long hours on trains). The only food available, is what the men haul from home, resulting in bad eating habits of skipping meals or eating junk food. Sleep is only after long days, most times over ten hours, and usually longer shifts that don't end when they get off the trains. Upon arrival, there is paper work to be done, taxi's to be waited for (sometimes for a couple hours) to take them to the motels, checking in, etc. -- all before food and sleep. After not eating all day, consuming more than normal, and then sleeping -- not a prescription for a healthy body. Then, they are back out within eight to ten hours to do it all over again. Receiving fifty thousand dollars (less the legal fees) may seem like a windfall, but complete loss of hearing a few years later, means you lose your job before your retirement kicks in.

Likewise, receiving a hundred thousand dollars (less the legal fees), means very little later on, when you've got a rare form of cancer that will take your life. The money is long gone, and all your widow has got to count on is your retirement, when she is the age of your normal retirement.

For my husband, watching men he'd worked with and counted as friends for over twenty to thirty years, suddenly die one-by-one, was like a piece of him died with each loss. He couldn't and still doesn't understand how he could still be alive, while older and on the railroad longer (37 years) -- and they aren't. He expected they'd all retire and still be around for each other afterwards.

Note: With railroad employees all income stops the minute the worker dies, unless there are minor aged children in the household. This is a harsh reality for many women in these often rural towns -- women who have never usually worked, and have little hope of employment in such low income, high unemployment regions.

It seems like the world is a whole lot more complicated than it once was, and this even applies to having friends.

In the past, we probably only had seven kinds of friendships to deal with: (1) Acquaintances; (2) the Best Friend; (3) Imaginary Friends; (4) Inter-species Friends; (5) Pen pals; (6) Comrades; and if we were lucky a (7) Soul mate.

Today however, there are now fourteen recognized different types of friendships. Not all friendships are composed of the same intensity in a relationship. What kind of friend are you?

• Acquaintance
• Best Friend
• Blood Brother/Sister
• Boston Marriage
• Casual Friend
• Comrade
• Imaginary Friend
• Internet Friendship
• Inter-species Friendship
• Pen pal
• Open Relationship
• Roommate
• Romantic Friendship
• Soul mate

" Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of low growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation."

George Washington

I asked my granddaughter what it means to be "best friends" and she showed me her journal. In it she had copied a few friendship quotes. These were her favorites:

If you're alone, I'll be your shadow. If you want to cry, I'll be your shoulder. If you want a hug, I'll be your pillow. If you need to be happy, I'll be your smile. But anytime you need a friend, I'll just be me. ~Author Unknown

Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty. ~Sicilian Proverb

Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend. ~Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Her last entry on the topic -- simply "My best friends -- Mia and Stephen and his grandfather." I think that says it all.

Perhaps one of the most enduring and endearing friendships to witness are those found among animal species of higher intelligence. All the world over, many mammals and birds are close companions and friends. Even some normally predatory animals of different species are known to occasionally form friendships (such as dogs and cats).

Beyond that, are the cross-species friendships between humans and other animals. For many of us, there is no closer bond, especially as we age, than that of our non-human friends, who are also our family.

Like many other things in American culture, friendship isn't what it was once. It’s been reported that for over twenty years, as a nation, we are both loosing our numbers of friends, but also the quality of life that good friendships bring.

Seems a little sad that studies suggest that a quarter of us, have no close friends. Seems even sadder, that who do succeed in the friendship department, now reportedly have half the friends of past generations.

Interestingly, the concept of friendship has different connotations in different cultures. In some countries having a friend has strict rules of engagement.

In some countries, friends are kept to a few, and only they can call you by your first name or nick-name. In other countries, permission must be sought to be familiar with another person. Depending upon where you live, there are all sorts of community “unspoken” rules governing the topic of friendship.