In the past year, citizens of Hong Kong, Japan, and nearly half of the western United States have experienced a slight darkening of the sky in normal daylight hours, and a virtually starless sky at night. The first report of there being no visible sun came to the media's attention last January, and since then similar reports have flooded emergency call centers across nearly half of the world. One Navada man described the phenomenon, "It's like an eclipse without the eclipse." Indeed that's exactly what it has been like these past twelve months.

But the phenomenon only seemed be occurring in half of the world. The other half (roughly between Missouri and mid-Asia) has been living in the same normal light that it is used to. Many inhabitants of the areas of strangely diminished light have relocated to the better-lit regions of the world. China's massive population has grown significantly, while California has seen a 15% decrease in citizens in the past year. New York is teeming at epic population levels, as is Chicago, London, and Paris. Government officials have teamed up with scientists of every ilk to try to figure out what is causing this sudden, perplexing oddity. Now a discovery has been made which will change the outlook of the entire world, and steer the course of our species' future in a never-before seen direction.

"It appears the World is going to Hell in a handbasket," said astronaught Clive Jennings at a press conference in September. Jennings and his team had just returned from an exploritory mission to get a better perspective on this recent phenomenon. They came back with more than just perspective, they came back with the painful truth of mankind's current condition. What they saw while in orbit was a wake up call for the whole world.

The view from the shuttle windows was a shocking one. At first, Jennings' men didn't quite know what they were looking at. Most of them had been on similar missions and were familiar with the Earth's appearance, but what they saw on this mission was something quite different. Leutenant Harding of Jennings' team told reproters, "At first I thought what I was seeing couldn't be possible, so I asked the other men if they saw it too. All they could do was stare with their jaws hanging. That's when it started to hit home. All I could think to myself was, 'My old Dad was right, God rest his soul, the poor bastard was right all along!'"

Photographs taken by Jennings' team along with telescopic images and mathematical data reveal what can only be an enormous basket in which the Earth is now cradled. It is clearly made of some kind of wicker material, woven basket style, with a large hoop handle. Most shockingly of all is the hand that holds it, which vanishes beyond the wrist into the black of outer-space. The basket-with-hand is tilted in a tugging jesture in the direction of the sun. It doesn't take long for the reality of the situation to sink in. The World is indeed going to Hell in a handbasket.

This grim discovery is the answer to so many of the world's questions, cheif among them being, "which religion is right?" The basket is undenyable proof of there being a single true religious belief system. All other religions besides this true one have started to dismantle and turn their hearts to the faithful ones of the true faith. What faith is it? Well, if you're reading this, you don't need me to answer that question. You've probably already sought out the nearest Radical Fundamentalist Right Wing Christian Church, and you no doubt spend most of your time there grovelling on your knees to the sound of a droning pipe organ. Now that you know the truth, you're probably already begging the RFRWC's of the world to forgive you and show you the way to salvation. I know I am! Just one look up at that huge basket is enough for me to know that all those people who I thought were blind, closed-minded, ignorant, dogmatic bullies are actually the only people who really know the truth about this existence in which we live. I am so sorry for not being scared all my life of a huge being in the sky who watches and judges my every move. I guess I'm much less of a person than the for needing to see real evidence in order to realize the complex truths preacehd about by these wonderful RFRWCs. Thank goodenss that evidence is finally here or I woud've never guessed that such bombastic claims were actually true.

Please heed my appeal. Everyone who knows about the recently discovered basket, in which we are all being dragged to Hell, but still chooses not to believe in the wisdom of the RFRWCs, please save yourselves now by forgetting everything you know to be true and allowing an extremist Christian to replace all your ill conceived knowledge with their true wisdom. There's a hub right here on this website where you can do just that. There are hubbers on here that would be glad to show you how to escape your fiery demise. If you do like me and follow the examples of these seemingly idiotic religious zealots, then you can be one of the lucky ones who will jump ship right before it gets hot. Please stop arguing with the RFRWCs before it's too late for you. They love you and only want you to escape the fires of Hell. They may seem like insecure psychopaths at first, but now we can see that it is all of us who disgree with them who are ignorant of the truth. They were right all along. Please acknowledge their wisdom for your own sakes. Before it's too late!