Stardust

I am trying to grasp at my heart where there seems

To be part of me missing

Sometimes I sweep up bits of stardust into a pile

It takes a long time to sweep up even a little pile

Of hopes and dreams and wondrous things

.

And then when the pile is big enough

I stand in the middle of it

And for awhile I have a magical life

And I start to feel calm and safe

In the center of my little pile

.

And then a big wind comes and blows it all away

And I stand there naked and gasping

And squinting in the harsh reality

I stand there for awhile

Sometimes it feels like a very long time

Or maybe no time at all has passed

Because in that space the hurt just throbs

.

And I don't have the energy to protect myself

Or to clothe myself

Or to even move

.

But in time I see a bit of sparkle here and there

A kind word

A thoughtful gifl

A bird song

A rainbow

.

And I go find my broom

And I start to sweep again

Hoping I will find enough stardust

To have a pile to stand in again