We all find disciplining our child difficult.  There is a huge amount of material available on how we should teach our children how to behave.    If you got a group of child experts together, they would probably start arguing between themselves as to what is the best approach.  Even mums and dads can seriously disagree about the best way forward.

But whatever your views on the form discipline should take, the fact remains that it is an absolute necessity in childrearing.   You cannot abidcate responsiblity for teaching your child right from wrong.  You will do your child a serious injustice if you do not teach them how to behave. Every book you read on disciplining children will have a slightly different perspective so I would suggest that you read, digest and retrieve only that you believe in.

Don't forget that to your child, you are their entire world.  Kids crave your attention and behave accordingly.  A child may be behaving badly because they feel ignored.  Bad attention, in the form of the parent shouting or smacking, is better than no attention. 

So one tactic to consider is to praise your child for being good and ignore bad behaviour (assuming that they are just being a little bit naughty and are not a danger to themselves or others). Did you know that it is very easy to destroy a child's self esteem.  Imagine if you were at work all day and your boss constantly pulled you up on something at every opportunity.  We can spend the whole day nagging our kids i.e. don't do this, don't touch that.

We need to catch your child being good so that you can praise that behaviour. Let little things go.  Remember, it is the overall war you want to win so let them win an occasional battle. 

As a Society we have boundaries that we need to abide by i.e. the Law.  Children, toddlers included, need rules as well.  Boundaries, rather than stifling a child, make a child more secure. They know what is expected of them.  In order for boundaries to be effective, you must have consequences.  Both parents should also have agreed on what these are.

No baby ever came out with the parents rule book in his hand.  We can only do our best and parenting is often a case of trial and error. 

Toddler Routine

You need to make life predictable for your toddler.  If they behave in a certain way, then the same thing will happen regardless of where you are.  Teach them that actions equal consequences.  It is not just bad actions that lead to results.  As I mentioned above, we want to catch our children being good so that we can praise them and build their self esteem.

Toddlers will misbehave. Sometimes they will consciously do something they know is naughty but most of the time it is because they are eager to explore their new world.  If you have already set your boundaries, you are much more in control and you can let small things go without comment. 

When thinking about discipline be sure to look at what you are teaching your child from your own behaviour. If you constantly shout at your toddler, then you cannot really expect them not to shout at their friends. 

Smacking Children

Is it right to smack a child?  If you are a certain age, you will probably remember being slapped as a child.  

Don’t get me wrong.  I am not superhuman, there have been days when I have slapped my son but did it work?  No.  All I taught him was that mummy lost her self control.

Try not to smack your toddler.  Hitting a child does teach them a lesson but it might not be the one you wanted.  All you succeed in doing is teaching the child that it is ok to hurt someone smaller than you.  You are illustrating that It is ok to lose control and lash out in frustration.  Think of the double standards you are imposing on your family. If your toddler hits another child, most parents would correct them. How then can it be correct for that same parent to smack that child?

When trying to discipline a toddler it is important that you get down to their level. By this I mean physically down at their level, on your hands and knees if necessary.  You need to make eye contact with them and this doesn’t work as well when you are towering over them.

Offer your toddler choices.  Toddlers like all people want to have some control over their environment so they tend to be more co-operative when offered a choice.  Just avoid yes or no answers and make sure you keep the language consistent with their age.  For example at breakfast, ask them do they want milk or water rather than do you want a drink?. 

Try to remember your toddler is growing very quickly and sometimes it can all get too much for her.  She is not a baby but she is not yet a child. Her emotions can sometimes get the better of her and can lead to a meltdown. Unfortunately it is Murphy's law that this will happen in the middle of the supermarket in front of an audience rather than during quality one on one time.