One of the great trials of parenting is toilet training. And it’s no picnic for the kid either – the accidents, the crying, the anxiety and occasional bouts of yelling and setbacks. Sometimes it just seems like too much. I have five grown children (well, almost, one is 17) and my method of toilet training was simple. Nothing to it.

     Here is the simple secret of toilet training:

     Don’t do it! Leave the poor kid alone. A child will toilet train themselves when they are ready both physically and mentally. The child needs to choose not to wear diapers, to enter the world of responsibility and leave off being a baby. It’s a tough decision for them to make but once they make that choice, the onus is on them to perform.

     There is no sense in turning it into a battle or attempting to force a little tot to undertake a journey for which he or she is not prepared and does not understand.  The child who decides to use the toilet will have few accidents. The child who makes that huge decision and sticks to a new routine and responsibility will learn goal setting early on and gain confidence from success.

• Allow your child to decide when he/she wants to give up the security of diapers. At some point in time, he will. Maybe you won’t win the race to get the kid out of diapers before the other kids in playgroup but whose kid pees in the potty first is a stupid contest. It puts undue pressure on both parent and child.

• Before the decision is made, talk about it. Allow the child to accompany the same sex parent to the bathroom. (You don’t want your daughter to think she can stand up to urinate) Let them see how easy it is, how good it feels not to wear bulky diapers. Make a point of washing your hands.

• When your child wakes up in the morning with a dry diaper, you know they have the ability to control their bladder. The kid is ready.

• If your child decides to wear underwear and has an accident, do not get upset. The poor kid feels like a screw-up so sympathy is in order. Maybe they want to go back to diapers for a week or so. Remember that a week is a long time to a little kid.

• My kids had maybe one or two accidents apiece. When the child is ready, there is not training involved, just an occasional reminder.

• Keep an extra outfit and baby-wipes in the car at all times just in case.

• Never, never yell. Have sympathy for the child who soils himself. He’s not happy either. This may be redundant but it is so important.

• Let the child wear a diaper to bed for security.

• Never allow a child to drink caffeinated beverages or to drink anything at all an hour before bedtime. Remind them to visit the bathroom just before you go out. Of course, a young child should never drink caffeinated beverages anyway.