When I first heard that VH1 were putting out a new series called Tool Academy, I thought, great, at last we have a foil for Charm School where the objective is for women to change rather than men who generally get off scott free in our macho society when, truth be told, they probably need the most work. Plus male tools make good entertainment albeit minus the all clawing and cattiness women bring to reality t.v. That is unless you consider their partners who make up 1% of the show. However, if you like to slow down and observe car crashes like I do, you’ll love this series. This show, whose common denominator is spiky hair and Popey the Sailorman muscles (all the tools probably have a Gold’s Gym membership), has nine total for nine tools. It is fun watching men whose deity is themselves act like utter fools. It’s hard watching women stay with them. Ok, in order of the most interesting tool...

Loud Mouth Tool, whose real name is Shawn Southern, gives us the more sarcastic commentaries. His voice is loud, his interesting fauxhawk which seems to fold down like a parakeet when he’s angry is loud, his Poppy the Sailorman round visage and beefy body are loud…this is an all around loud tool. In fact, he was deigned the perfect tool when he entered the house and for a good reason. This wilting flower entered the academy with girlfriend number 1 Jaimee but VH1 scoured Loud Mouth Tool’s hometown for some controversy and excavated girl friend number 2, Aida. Devastated and exasperated, girlfriend number 1 Jaimee left the tool academy without the perfect tool but Aida, who’s either delusional or senses real promise in her infidel stud, decided to give Loud-Mouth Tool a chance to change at the academy. Now before we get all self-righteous on the poor fellow, you should take into account that he passed a polygraph test with flying colors. Yes, Aida submitted a group of questions to the academy that she wanted answered and, surprise upon surprise-Loud MouthTool was not in love with Jaimee. Sometimes you can’t nurture a dead carcass which is what his relationship with Jamiee was. One of three tools left standing after last Sunday’s elimination, it’s surprising that he lasted this long. On the other hand, it ‘s apparent that he loves Aida instead so there’s a chance that tweedy bird will win the grand-prize unless he throws a wrench into his relationship with Aida. This Sunday he’s going to meet Aida’s parents and I wonder how they’ll wrap their minds around the idea that their little girl was the other woman.

This tool has a split personality...Clarence the decent, hard-working businessman, and Celebrity, the macho, chauvinist tool who just has to parade his gymnastics and dancing skills to attract an audience including a legion of women aside from his full-time partner Cameron. Celebrity is the reason why The Party Tool was enrolled in tool academy by his flustered girlfriend who wants Clarence in her life rather than a fame-thirsty romeo. He seemed to be making headway in episode 2 when he declared his willingness to further his relationship by renouncing celebrity. However, in episode 3 he said and I quote "I don't think I'm ready to change and I'm going to continue being celebrity when I go home." He was expelled for gradually falling more in love with himself. His girlfriend left without him.

The Naked Tool, better known as Matsuflex, likes to parade the house in his red speedo. Personally, I believe he should have been called "The Muscle" Tool instead because he likes to use his brawn instead of his brain to get his point across. Mr.Running-Around-In-His-Red-Speedo-Because-He-Has-The-Physique-Of-Adonis can't even get laid by his girlfriend, Jenna, because of his meager romantic skills which is surpassed by his ego. However, the Naked tool is improving in the romance department as proven in the last episode when he got Jenna all hot and bothered, so I'd say his chances of "getting some" are increasing. That is If he could continue winning all the challenges and start using the muscle in his head for arguing rather than the muscles in his biceps. This tool hasn't been expelled yet so he still has a chance of winning the grand prize (and then some). We'll see how he'll fare in the next episode when he meets the family (if the preview is any indicator, he'll be having family problems).

The most mature of all the tools, the Playa Pimpin Tool who is better known as M.E.G.A, was sent to the academy by his girlfriend, Margot, for playing the field (where have I heard that one before). However, Margot is obviously uninvested in the relationship and exhibits a lack of maturity that rivals that of the other tools. She entered the academy mocking M.E.G.A and mocked him all the way through because, like any diva, she's feels she much too good for her own company and far too precious to commit to a relationship. Like she's some dieing female specimen. She even mocked M.E.G.A when his discussed his intention to have a family with her. The Party Pimpin' Tool wanted to settle down and have children with her for crying out loud! How many women attempt to wring that out of their guys? You're probably wonder why I'm talking more about Margot instead of M.E.G.A? Well, it's because she's the tool in the relationship. In fact, M.E.G.A was expelled because he wasn't that much of a tool, but his girlfriend was. He left with Margot but I believe their relationship is heading South. After all, Margot has a very committed relationship with herself.

When it comes to the Slacker Tool one word says it all "uncommital." He needs to get a career if he wants to win his girlfriend Krista's heart. He was enrolled in the academy by his girlfriend, Krista, because she supports two kids, and him, financially. His basic problem is needing to grow up and to help his overextended girlfriend. Of course, he got little encouragement from Krista, who emasculated him in front of the world. She's even condescending towards the other girlfriends in the cast... I'm sensing another Miss Tool. Anyway, I highly doubt that The Slacker Tool was invested in his relationship with Krista to begin with since he can't put forth the effort to improve when given the golden opportunity at the academy. Or maybe he's just a slacker. He was expelled in the 6th episode for a slacker performance at the academy though he had the healthiest relationship with his girlfriend out of all the contenders. Krista left without him because he didn't win the show and took the academy lightly. Smart women. If you ask me, it was a matter of time before the relationship bust.

The most macho tool of them all, The Power Tool, who's real name is Rob, looks more like a dear caught in the headlights than an actual tool. Girlfriend, Karine, enrolls him in the tool academy for being an uncommital lothario. As the episodes advances you understand why- Don Juan is easily flustered by challenges and just quits rather than forging through the riguor. Plus he's a Don Juan. In a challenge that tested the studly tools commitment level, he didn't just flirt with the make-up artist, he gave her his phone number. However, he advanced 5 episodes which shows this tool has "real man" potential and he would have advanced to further if he didn't have a panic attack which landed him in the hospital. See, in episode five they were given a lie detector test and he was afraid that Karine would find out that he cheated on her. When he checked out of the hospital he eliminated himself so that he and Karine could work on their relationship by themselves. She left with him showing that their love was, in fact, deep (I mean, it has to be if she forgave him for sleeping with an ex).

The Tiny Tool, also known as Josh, was enrolled into the academy by girlfriend, Ashley because he loves his toys and sports. I wish they'd save my viewing time and throw this tool out of the academy because he's obviously much too good-natured to be a tool let alone in the tool academy but he'll probably stay and win the grand-prize.

I swear, as the episodes progress you forget who this tool was. Probably because he was eliminated in episode two.The Cold-Hearted Tool, better known as Joey, was enrolled in the academy by his girlfriend, Ashley, because he treats her like an insignificant void to be mastered over, like a slave. In the challenge with the makeup artist, the Cold-Hearted tool, whose real name is Joey, unabashedly flirted with the her and gave her his number. He was even unabashed about receiving emails from numerous love interests. He was expelled for being uncaring towards Ashley. Ashley left with him after he told her he want to be with her for the rest of his life....awww-give me a break! The guy wants to be with himself for eternity.

He's uncommittal. His girlfriend couldn't please him no matter what she did for the last three years of their relationship. Basically says he can't commit to any relationship because he fells suffocated. Doles out instructions to his girlfriend Jill without any feeling like she a major inconvenience in his life. He was expelled for being emotional detached his his girlfriend and emotionally attached to himself proving that, being the first to be expelled, he was the biggest douchbag in house beating the likes The Slacker Tool who threw a love sofa when Krista emasculated him and The Power Tool who threw the challenge because he gives up to easily. However, Jill still left with him because he declared his loved for her for the first time in his life-probably to save face on t.v. Why are women so dumb?