Top 10 Epic Phail PC Technologies: Linux
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To apply the vernacular of the modern online PC enthusiast: Linux is an Epic Phail. Why?
Linux enthusiasts will wax prosaic on the magnificent, spectacular, wonderous, and nearly divine bounteous variety of distros which in their poor, addled minds equate to a delectable cornucopia of choices whereby a personal computer user can precisely and accurately match their requirements, preferences, tendencies, and aptitudes to an Operating System which fits them like a well tailored Armani suit.
Somewhere along the line, total and complete insanity took over the Linux world. Sure, I can see the issuance of an Operating System that may or may not be compatible or even conversant with another in order to maximize the user experience, but can anyone who has not been mainlining heroin since the age of 6 possibly justify the concurrent existence and promotion of:
64 Studio
aLinux
Alinex
ALT Linux
Annvix
Arch Linux
Ark Linux
Arudius
Asianux
Aurox
BLAG Linux
Caixa Mágica
CentOS
CrunchBang Linux
CRUX
Damn Small Linux
Debian
DeLi Linux
DeMuDi
dyne:bolic
Eagle Linux
Elive
EnGarde Secure Linux
Fedora
Finnix
Foresight Linux
Frugalware
Gentoo
gnuLinEx
GoboLinux
Impi Linux
Kanotix
Knoppix
Kurumin Linux
Linspire
Linux Mint
Lunar Linux
Mandriva Linux
MEPIS
Mutagenix
Musix GNU+Linux
NimbleX
Nitix
OES2-Linux
openSUSE
Paipix
Pardus
Parsix
PCLinuxOS
Pie Box Enterprise Linux
Puppy Linux
QiLinux
Red Flag Linux
Red Hat Enterprise Linux
Rxart Desktop
Sabayon Linux
Satux
Scientific Linux
sidux
Slackware
Slax
SMS -Slack Mini Server
SliTaz GNU/Linux
Source Mage GNU/Linux
SUSE Linux Enterprise Server
Symphony OS
SYS
Ubuntu/Kubuntu/Edubuntu/Xubuntu
UTUTO GNU/Linux
VectorLinux
Xandros Desktop OS
XBMC Live
Yellow Dog Linux
Yoper
Zenwalk Linux
Aw, fer cryin' out loud! This ridiculous litter from two Linux Rabbits who were left alone to breed uncontrolled combines with the appalling lack of a cross-distro standard of just about anything to make Linux nothing more than a grim joke. Distros are different from one another in sometimes astounding ways, with the availability of commands, interface functionality and appearance, and application configuration varying wildly from one distro to the next.
However, the non-existence of any meaningful standard across distros is only one of many outrageous Linux deficiencies. Some of the many others:
Installation of applications
When you can actually find one of the very precious few Linux apps that is actually worth running when you consider the depressing lack of decent, competitive apps past OpenOffice (and the first commenter to state that the sadsack GIMP is "just the same" as the industry standard stellar Photoshop CS4 will not just be summarily be submitted to eternal derision, but all their friends and relatives as well), now you have to plough through the minutiae of distribution diversity, version conflicts, compilation inadequacies, missing dependencies...
Lack of drivers
I have a great idea. Go get a brand new, state of the art AMD-ATI or Nvidia video card. Now make it work in Linux. Good luck, sucker! Hey, while you're at it, why not install a printer, scanner, camera, or darn near anything else that is classified as "new hardware."
Gaming
Hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
Modem problems
Just try to make a 56 K modem work in Linux without an advanced degree in Penguin Propeller Headery. Have fun. Send me a postcard when you manage it.
Slooooooooooooooooowness
Linux is supposed to be that miraculous little kernel that can function admirably on any 10 MHz computer with 1 MB of RAM or some such nonsense but in real world usage, the speed and responsiveness of most Linux distros fall well short of Windows XP or Windows 7, and in some cases neck in neck with the pre SP1 Vistas!
Deficient, granular graphic user interface
Boot up, say, Ubuntu. Welcome to an orange nightmare of an Amiga 2000 screen. On my 1920 x 1200 24" monitor, Ubuntu looks like it was displayed in darn near VGA mode. The pixels are the size of pearl onions! The cursor is the size of my foot! And no, it's not because I've set my graphics adapter wrong, it's because most Linux distros are outrageously granular on modern screens. If you can get around the stomach turning ematogenic qualities of Linux graphic user interfaces, just try to navigate your way through the Brobdingnagian convoluted pretzel of a File System.
Linux is a total Epic Phail!
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Comments
No funnier than the Linux supporters who are likely to show up here soon insisting that their OS is the greatest thing since motherhood and apple pie! :)
I hate apple pie, and there's no way in h*ll I'd let something bigger than 6 ounces come out of me from ANY hole...
I installed arch linux on my brand new intel quad-core computer with a Nvidia GeForce 9500 GTgraphics card, and it worked perfectly, I could even play fallout 3 on it. Don't blame your noobness on the OS...
The reason there are so many distributions is because different types of linux are used for different things. Server linux, NAS linux, Linux for usb thumb drives, linux for hardware diagnosing, linux for the desktop, linux for super computers, linux for mobile phones, linux for robots, etc, etc. It is possible to install or use linux on any device with data reading capabilities.
Is Linux for everyone? No. But it fails at nothing if you RTFM.
And that's the point. Why RTFM, especially when it stretches to hundreds of pages? LINUX IS TOO COMPLICATED AND POINTLESS. IT HAS NO EFFECTIVE USE, THUS IT IS A FAILURE. LOOK AT ITS INFINITESIMAL MARKET SHARE AFTER SO MANY YEARS AS PROOF! :)
And, my dear, my noobness has only 26 years of computer technical experience. How old are you? :)
Gypsy Willow says:
7 months ago
Love it!!! So funy!