Top 10 Really Embarassing Places to Pass Gas
78I'm telling you, it's not safe...
Save the Matches, Don't Strike!
That Describes it Pretty Well
The Art of the Fart
|
If I wanted to listen to a butthole I'd fart Men's Tee Shirt Medium-Kelly Green
Price: $12.99
List Price: $17.99 |
|
GasBGon Flatulence Filter Seat Cushion, Patented - (Black Badger)
Price: $24.95
|
|
Nobody Listens To Me Until I Fart Baby/Infant Tee Shirt or Onesie
Price: $9.99
List Price: $15.99 |
|
Pull My Finger Fart Finger Pen
Price: $1.99
List Price: $8.95 |
|
Novelty Incense - 20 Stick Variety - Burn Away "Your Fart Funk" Includes Incense Holder
Price: $2.50
|
|
Nobody Listens To Me Until I Fart Women's tee Shirt in 6 Colors Small thru XXL
Price: $12.99
List Price: $21.99 |
|
Farts: A Spotter's Guide
Price: $4.64
List Price: $14.95 |
|
Nobody Listens To Me Until I Fart Men's tee Shirt in 12 colors Small thru 6XL
Price: $12.99
List Price: $17.99 |
Colon Health
|
★Complete Colon Cleanse Detox ★Cleansing 3 days So Easy
Current Bid: $86.14
|
|
*DR NATURA COLONIX COLON DETOX & CLEANSE 30 DAY SYSTEM*
Current Bid: $68.85
|
| No Photo |
*** 100% Natural Acai Berry W/ Super Colon Cleanse ***
Current Bid: $39.11
|
|
*** 100% Natural Acai Berry W/ Super Colon Cleanse ***
Current Bid: $39.11
|
Don't Strike That Match!
We're talking gas, all right, but not the kind you put in your car. Or...?
I know. It's embarassing to even bring the subject up. We all do it and we all go through every day pretending we don't. Like me for instance. This entire story will be told at my husband's expense.
Well, gee. You didn't think I did this kind of thing did you?
It's him. He does it everywhere and he even blames me. I can be standing next to him in the check out lane and...well, I just can't bare to say it. Lean close. Come on, lean in closer. Right next to the monitor...he passes wind.
You know. Wind. Gas, Air, okay make me say it...he farts. I do apologize for those I've just offended. I must warn you, it's going to get worse.
If you're under 18 and living in a virgin house that is free from, uh, gas...then please read no further. You do not want to know what a grown man does in public places, and some places not so public. It's completely unnatural and evidently there is no cure.
Personally, I think it's a guy thing. Well, maybe not, but the sheer enjoyment and pleasure of passing gas for a man is just a strange phenomenon. They are so into the moment. You've seen that, right?
For the past 32 years, I have been subjected to sheer torture. I am confessing now that I've had my moments of being tempted to walk out, but what about the children? I think about it though, everytime he pulls his passing wind stunts.
What brought this to mind is that he did it again, the other day right in front of God, and everyone in the store. He always catches me off guard. There we are, walking down the canned bean aisle and it must have been the power of suggestion from the beans, because I heard this god-awful roar. I prayed it was thunder, but no.
Automatically I held my breath. Experience, my friends (I do apologize for those words, McCain has made them so painful even to write), it's just experience. You hear the roar and if you value your life you will hold your breath, and then you'll push that cart away at a trot. "Away" is the key word.
His next comment is so predictable. He will turn abruptly, with a shocked look on his pink face and say loudly "Mari SUE!!"
Like I did it!! And, what are you going to say back to that?? "I didn't do it - it was YOU!" Ha! People look knowingly and in pure sympathy at him. I can hear their thoughts "Poor woman, has she been this way long?" They always think it's me. He is such a liar and performer...it's probably all those years on the police force, don't you think?
He's just not human.
I could slice and dice that man in that moment, and I am not a violent woman. He is so lucky I stay with him. The grocery store is not the worst place this happens. Oh, no. Not by a long shot. I have many memories of moments of embarassing flatulence.
Here, are the Top Ten Embarassing Places To Pass Gas:
1. Do NOT get on an elevator with this man. He will wait, until it's full of people and you can't move and -- well, he just let's it rip. This one is silent.
What hurts my feelings is that when people begin to cough and stir around, fervently searching for that one delicious breath of freshness, he looks at the one next to him and jerks his head in my direction and then rolls his eyes.
While I'm busy melting into the floor, he's causing everyone to look in my direction. He's a mean man. I think silent gas is the worst and entirely not fair. Where is your defense against such a thing!!
At that moment I can not be trusted to speak.
I carry air freshner but dragging that out would only convince them it was me. Instead, my innocence is validated by the slightly blue tinge to my face from holding my breath. Living proof of purity. Why would you hold your breath if the gas was yours? See!?! You know what I'm talking about, but does anyone on the elevator take time to think of that??? No!! They are too busy giving me dirty looks while they gasp for air!
They hate me. Well, they're strangers, why do I care?
2. Do NOT attend a business meeting of 100 people in the same room and sit next to him. For some reason, he thinks the large room and the 100 people absorb the sound. So, these gassy moments are not silent. Oh yes, plural as in more than one. I try to sit on the end of the row but it's not always possible. The sound is deafening and long. What happened to the little short ones??
He just sits there. No embarassment. Nothing, until, slowly, he'll turn his head to me and put his hand on his hip. His little "Well, I never!" look would stop a herd of elephants.and he can hold that position for a full 30 seconds.
As if on cue, someone will clear their throat and breaks have been called for no apparent reason. "We'll all take a 10 minute bathroom break, folks. Uh, Make that 15 minutes."
I never know what happens next because I'm outta there like greased lightning. People won't even look in my direction when the meeting starts up. Magically, I have tons of elbow room on the now nearly vacant row. I like wiggle room, but it would be nice to have someone to talk to though.
I'm so alone.
3. When you're riding in the car, and you notice his leg stiffen and press against the floorboard...roll the window down, quick. Don't ask questions, just do it. Even the dog moves to the back of the car. It'll take about 20 miles to air everything out, so just be patient. What I don't get is...the dog looks at me funny, too. Like his master is so perfect. I get no respect.
4. If you're sitting with us in a restaurant, and the meal is finished, beware. The worst is yet to be. Why can't he just belch like the rest of us? Oh, he'll get up to go to the bathroom, AFTER he gives us all the gift. Once again, he'll blame me. He looks at me and leans in to whisper. THEY think he's whispering a correction, but it's really "Honey don't blush, they'll think it's you."
I want to run to the bathroom, but if I do, it will remove all doubt in their opinion. So, I sit still, and try not to cough. Suddenly, everyone's tired and has to go home. It's his way of controlling the night. I just know it is.
He needs therapy.
5. Do you like movies? I used to. We don't go often anymore. He just can't pay attention to the story. He HAS to invent his own drama. I think sometimes people think it's the movie, but technology hasn't gone that far. And aren't we all thankful. Popcorn couldn't even compete. Where do men get that smell?
The darkness was my only comfort.
6. Don't even think about getting in the hot tub together. If you do, make sure the bubbles are already moving and do not laugh so hard you sink under the water. It's no better under there.
I'm telling you, he has no pride.
7. I never accompany him to the Dr office. Oh, no!! I'm not having him convince them it's me, and have them probe me with whatever. Nada. Ain't happenin' - he's on his own if he gets sick.
Compassion escapes me at times.
8. Cooking together should be a pleasure. Lately, he can just cook by himself. When I stalk out he has the nerve to ask "WHY? Honey! What'd I dooo?"
Let me just say that some odors do not mix well with frying chicken. When he is really feeling good and energetic, I can't even say pass the salt. When your napkin is stuffed in your mouth it's hard to talk.
I have such an easy gag reflex, I just can't help it.
9. Our dog loves sitting in his lap, at the end of the day, they are great pals. The dog is not perfect either. Little Buddy gets blamed for many things. You can always tell what really happened, though. If you smell something, and the dog doesn't move...Buddy did it. On the other hand, if Buddy goes flying off the lap and lands across the room in one single quantum leap, rest assured, my husband was the guilty party.
Trouble is, he doesn't even wake up. More proof of my innocence in elevators. If you're not gaggin...well I rest my case. The Nose Knows.
10. I've save the best for last. Night time is scarey. I tip toe into the room and try to sneak into the bed. Shhh. Don't wake him up and please, dear god, don't ever, ever, ever, raise the sheets.
Life is not fair.
I am Marisue, and I do apologize, for what I wrote.
more stories here
PrintShare it! — Rate it: up down flag this hub
Comments
Marisue -
I feel your pain...I do...I do. My husband is a human gas machine too! For the most part he doesn't blame me and will back up a step or two when the urge comes upon him to "cropdust" as he calls it. He still laughs when he remembers "the BIG one" that once sent me fleeing our bedroom, gagging...
Loved your hub as usual!
Hi Nicole, it's nearly midnight in Florida and I can't sleep because I laughed so hard I cried as I typed this....and I'm still hysterical. I have a feeling, the comments are going to be an enormous hit on the hub!!! I can hardly wait and you guys are off to a great start!!! oh my god this is funny, is it vain to laugh at your own writing?? It's just so many memories ahahhaha forgive me.... I'm dyin' here
Oh my gosh, Spryte...we should start a new book about what people call passing gas.... Cropdust made me cough and sputter with laughter...i'm hysterical and it's midnight -- I'll never sleep haahahha god this is funny and its going to get worser and worser....what ever happened to romance??? Forget it, just raise the window!!!!
Hehehe! Marisue! Why the hell do you have to live way over there in FL? "...is it vain to laugh at your own writing?" My husband says I do it all the time...as if there is something very sad about that, but I do it too! So obviously there are already two of us that do it...there must be more!
:)
Either I'm having a nervous breakdown, or I'm really IN the moment....hahahaha I wish we lived closer too...we'd have a party!!! I am STILL laughing over this and my husband is sound asleep....I'm not even going in there hahahah
Hey, Mairsue. Pull my antler. Honestly,nobody likes gas, but everyone enjoys a good fart joke. Anyone who says otherwise is a liar. And of course it's never you! Ladies don't have that particular gene.
Absolutely not! We never tell if we do...have a problem for just a second. =))
Oh, MArisue-- I'm Glad your husband is in Florida. Please warn me if there is a prevailing westerly wind. (If you will pardon the expression). Can't you slip a little Beano into his beverage of choice? It shouldn't be that hard-- it has been done with arsenic, but you may not want to go that far.
Fennel tea could help, too. Or a little probiotic kefir drink.
On the other hand, it did provide a humourous and entertaining hub.
Once upon a time, I had an EX-husband who also pulled that stunt in the grocery store. He called them "barking spiders". Think maybe your husband's complusion could stem from an involuntary childhood suppression or oppression? Just carry around some matches and when he harrasses you again, strike one and that should do the trick.
I knew a gentleman, who always told me "it was better out than in."
Second thoughts I was just seven, I think he was taking advantage of my extreme youth.
I am still laughing, but I will not tell your soul mate he is only responsible for 65%
I would think that was the truth.
Thank you
That man will live a long happy life, Marisue, I promise you. That's one free man!
LOL Catlyn and your ex-husband...I have an ex that called it the same thing. My current one thinks it's great fun to point to the floor, pretend he's squishing some bug with his shoe and cutting a fart. Yep...he's a veritable cornucopia of sound effects...
Marisue,
I think in a church could be quite embarrassing, especially as you're taking your vows,,,,you can at that point re-think your answer when the priest says, 'Do you, Marisue, take this man?' There was the opportunity to say NO thanks! :)
There's a woman at my job, who, when she walks, little farts escape, almost to a rhythm of sorts LOL,,,'squeak' 'squeak' 'squeak' down the hall she goes,,,,,thankfully it doesn't happen all the time.
As of late, your hubs bring to mind 'who boldly goes where no man has gone before',,,brave woman lol,,,,
Thanks, I think, for sharing,, :)
is it vain to laugh at your own writing?? I think not. It’s just as common as smelling ones own farts :)
Hi rochelle!! Well, my husband says I have grossly exaggerated the moments LOL hmmm beano, I will buy some...
Catlyn! I've heard the barking spider..I had forgotten it tho, and the matches are a good trick, I'll remember to put some in my purse. Prbly shdnt do them on the elevator tho...Of course, I repeat, Lynn says I've thrown 10 times into somethin that sounds like everyday. uh, huh. poor man, he's so delusional.
Mr. Marm....my dad would say "That is something even the other end rejects..." (the mouth) LOL 65%? ha! LOL ahahha =))
Penmanzee -- You ARe right, he's the one who's got it together. hahaha that's funny, why am I so worried, he's doing fine!!!
Spryte...M E N. We are all way too patient ~ we ought to fart back. on command. Wish I could do that. Now, that's a skill!
Trish -- oh my gosh, I left out church...well maybe everyone can just imagine it. hahahaha -- I think the if you're outside, the walking farts are the best to have. ahhahaha
Anatana65, It was a relaxing hub to write, the laughter was healing hahahha
Marisue If the subject was not so serious, I would be hosing myself with laughter. But as you know humour is a serious business. It is the pain in life which we experience, which seems so funny. I need not remind you that it takes a lifetime of practise to get that injured look. Carefully raise eyebrows and slowly shift ones eyes in an appropriate direction. It takes finesse to let loose a big, very, very, smelly one silently at a cocktail party with a large circle of people suddenly dissipates into a huge emtpy space even when everyone else is standing shoulder to shoulder. The other thing it takes a discerning nose to be able to say with certainty "That's not my brand! It can 't be me". We have spent years pefecting these techniques and dammit we have earned some respect. We are looking for applause and approval for our prodigiuos feats. How else could we ask our grandchildren to pull our fingers and let loose an immaculately timed Borborrygmy (Fart) of note.
Great hub. but as I said elsewhere you never sleep.Perhaps it is an ill wind which keeps you awake.
Hi sixtyorso...I now - due to your descriptive remarks, - think I must take a new sniff in his direction, and appreciate his great talent and hard work to be so entertaining. hahahahaha this was a fun hub to write, and I did sleep very well after all that laughter. I've found the cure for insomnia!!! =))) I'm glad you laughed!!
YOU Cracked me up to know that "pull my finger" custom has traveled so far across the waters!! How could that one custom be so common!!!
I had my kids convinced that those were fish calls. When I took them to the lake, they would turn red, trying to produce one. Ironically, my son caught a pretty big bass, shortly after floating a particularly ugly air biscuit. You can't even imagine how excited he was to find how well it worked.
Getting it out most often is *lol*
Imagine if he could harness this power to do good.
LOL, I´m so glad that Internet has no smell :D
Thanks for the laughs.
Come to think of it, it's strange to say the least, that we still haven't found a way to use human gas for energy. Sounds as if Marisue's husband could provide enough to light route 66 *lol*
Maybe some crazy scientist will invent something for people just like they try with cows. *lol*
http://www.hln.be/static/FOTO/pe/5/7/12/large_4428
Experts say cows are responsible for the biggest portion of the world's global warming.
Hi Lazur, you know - I believe you're on to something, we've been blaming the wrong animal!! It "ain't" the cows!! It's the humans!! tooo funny -- I'm off to go to your link...
Ananta65 _ Oh my gosh, don't give him the idea... I'm already saying as we travel..."Oh, I remember this spot in the road..." LOL you guys are funnier than the hub!!
St James, He should definitely use his energy better...but he thinks it's a marvelous form of entertainment....with no exaggeration on my part, of course.
Funride, I laughed so hard myself. I nearly didn't publish it due to my delicate nature regarding such matters, then, I decided "Aw what they hay..."
Oh, Marisue, what a funny hub. My daughter told me once that her husband said if you get in the center of a big mall where the ceiling is really high that you can get echoes.
Hi L Hiller....thank you for enjoying this expose LOL my husband was a good sport to be so sacrificed. echoes??? Oh NO! spare me!! hahaha
Great subject! I think farting in an elevator is the worst. There's only so many people to point blame at (which is something I would do) and unless you're deaf in one ear it's hard to pinpoint where it came from.
A former husband of mine was so bad about this that his first wife listed, "He farts and leaves the room" as one of the reasons they were incompatible when she filed for divorce. I thought she was crazy, but soon learned otherwise.
My comment "the smellers the feller"...LOL Love you G-Ma :o) hugs
Edwin Clark, I hate elevators for more than one reason...LOL Thanks for reading!!! =)
gma ahhahaha that was too cute -- isn't it funny how people are identifying with this one little teensy habit....hahaha
Jerilee HOW funny~!!! you learned her misery huh? lOL too hysterical!!! thanks for adding that to this hub!!!
I just let one go! Sorry......too many "Pork 'n Beans", more sure to follow! Anyway, astronomy trivia via NASA says that the planet SATURN is covered with a dense atmosphere of methane gas and lakes of the stuff too! Perhaps they have cow aliens up there? Mooooooooooooooooooooo! We need to harvest the methane from up there, one big giant FART. OMG!
I just have one thing to say...omg, BT...AIR BISCUITS???? I have to remember that one :) freakin' hilarious
PaulieWalnuts, stay away from those beans!! Saturn is full of it, eh? I'm glad it's far away!!
Gives new mental pictures of biscuits, I may not be able to eat them for awhile...yikes!
MEADOW MUFFINS, come to mind for her Hieferness as the cows graze in the rolling field! But Campbell's® Pork 'n Beans don't use the slogan, "Mmmm Mmmm.....Good!" But that's the soup! For the Beans use BEANO®!!
Definitely there are men who can do this purely by will.
My highschool sweetheart and long-time friend perfected this ability. He was a wise, clever, and self-assured man, brilliant in assessing character. He was also a great story-teller. So he'd set up a story about cars or trains or a**hole CEOs or whatever, and punctuate it with a you-know-what.
Two things about this you-know-what. First, he'd spread his cheeks and turn his butt to the audience as he hit the punch line, and second, it was all noise, no smell.
My friend is gone now, and I miss him very much. I think about him nearly every day, but I have to say that I hadn't thought about his farts in years. So thank you, I guess, for helping me remember another talent of this most unusual man.
(Going for the tissue box now, tears of laughter, tears of loss.) Marisue, you've been bringing out the most elemental in all of us with these wacky Hubs.
Write, Marisue, with no apologies.
I think I was married to your husband, sure sounds like the same guy. Elevators were the worst. I don't understand why men are so proud and think it's so entertaining.
You know, when I first started reading, I was thinking what a brave woman you were to discuss something that women don't admit to. I was breathing a sigh of relief when I got to the next paragraph and discovered you were talking about your husband.
Funny hub, Marisue.
Hi Paulie, I'm taking notes.... LOL
Sally! That is both sad and funny...I share your tears... I have to say I cried and laughed while writing this...I just don't know what's gotten into me lately, but I am having fun doing it... I've just laughed every time i read a comment too!! Are we all connected by the funniest things or what????
Your friend sounds like he was very entertaining and human.
Hi Shirley..we have to keep some secrets from the men, right?? I'm glad you weren't disappointed...it was nearly midnight when I finished the hub, and I wasn't even coherent enough to get it edited...so I hit the publish button thinking O, I'll do it in a few minutes when I can see!! I hope I got the typos...the memories deserve at least good typing hahaha so glad you laughed over it...men must be very much alike...
This is one of the funniest writing I have ever read! Your writing gets better and better! more, more, more please!
Hi Georgiakevin, I'm afraid I was laughing so hard, my editing lacks a little, but i do plan on "perfecting" it when I can "sober" up. hahaha =))
Ok, Marisue - this is TOO funny! How about my experience with a member of the male persuasion who used to fart like it was MUSIC! Not kidding - to the beat of a drum and Eric Clapton's "Layla"!
haahhahaha Pam, I swear, there is no "end" to the talent....pun intended this just keeps on entertaining thank you!!! MUSIC haahahha
There have been rumors for years that the cause of the devastation at Nagasaki was due to a combined effort of red ninjas passing gas at exactly the same time. Those red ninjas are pretty powerful you know. Maybe it isn't really a rumor.
Marissue you are a great write! I just read it to my family had a hard time getting through it! It was so funny!
You're right Marisue - there is so much "talent" out there...between farting and burping, the rhythmic "beats" just keep on comin' !! But - I guess that's another hub! LOL - your hub just made my night!
Sir Dent, I believe, I believe!! pretty gassy, sounds like !!! hahaha
Georgiakevin, I'm glad you enjoyed it....it cracked me up too and it's so embarassing!!! come back soon!!!
Pam, he was a good sport to be sacrificed...he said "just send money." hahahaha
it's pitiful to live such an existence hahahaha
This Hub stinks. LOL. Yes, we have 2 dogs in part because they are a very convenient scapegoat for the "silent, but deadly" missives on the couch. HA!! This was hilarious, and I just may forward to my husband (of course, my husband would then read this)
This is one of the funniest and truest things I have read in quite a while! Laughed out loud and am still smiling. Read parts to my husband and he doesn't see what's so funny about it. He's a man--what can I expect!!
I think the whole farting thing is in the male genes, no matter the age.
Standing in the check-out line at the grocery store today, my 5 year old grandson loudly announces that he has to "go and go bad". The restroom was just about 15 feet from where I stood, so I told him to go on.
Well, a few minutes go by and out he comes, all smiles, and loudly tells me, "Whew, I really had to pee tons! And, I did a really big and stinky toot in there too." He looks around at the other customers (who by now are all looking at him) and adds, "Better not anybody go in there for a while. It might kill ya!"
Even at this tender age the "toot gene" is making itself know to the world at large.
My recent experience? Starting a new position at an elementary school as a teacher's aide. It was the teacher. I dared not laugh.
But I sure did when I left the classroom.
Marisue,
I'd LOVE to read a rebuttal hub written by your hubby! LOL
Well you know, if you had a cigarette lighter just handy...
Salvador Dali was an expert in the subject and published "The Art of Farting" alongside his autobiography. So there's a Christmas idea for you.
Steph!! I've got to add your line..."this hub stinks" to this hub!!! what a line...
poor dogs, they take the blame for a lot, huh? LOL thanks for reading and for the line...
Ruthie -- I'm glad you laughed!! these men are really entertainers....your grandson is well on his way to keeping the male tradition alive and well....haahhaha
that was a really cute story!! "like father like son??"
Glassvisage...oh my the teacher?? is there no limit...? I taught 1st grade for 6 years and I sure had interesting smells in there from the kiddos...hahahaha never me. hhaha
Trish, I'm not letting him anywhere near this computer...but of course I have no secrets...he's the one full of gas .....shhhhh (but that is a good idea....hmmmm I'll see what I can do...a great sequel..coming up?)
He'd probly sum it up with "She does it too." He's a man of few words...and a lotta gas.
Paraglider, that would be a great christmas project...
I am working on a book entitled "Living In The Land of Odd" and this hub is certainly going to be included!!
Salvador Dali? I just cant envision a book devoted strictly to the art of farting yet think that would make a great conversation piece!! I should read it!! I bet it's hilarious!
The comments on this hub are absolutely hilarous. But I guess gas is just one of those subjects that we rarely discuss, or admit to. But How come when we are courting no gas ever escapes silent or loud. When we are first newly married only the odd small mistake occurs. Then after a few years the Aida of Grand farting becomes quite common,. Noisy smelly and extremely long winded (pardon the pun).
Hi Sixty -- I think it must be a "right" of passage???? LOL what a pun!! we are all on a roll here!!! this get's funnier as it "passes" hahahah
Too Funny!!! I can't stop laughing. I loved it!!
Hey marisue, thanks for the laughs!!
I was thinking In the future when we can smell whats being wrote about on the internet, this hubs gonna be one helleva stink!! lol
I may be back!!;)
Hi Cheryle, I did have to drop a bit of shyness to get this done....what, mme shy??? sometimes, I know it's hard to believe hahaha
HI compu smart, it does have a certain "rotten air" eh? and PLEASE come back!!!
"Scratch'n Sniff" Hubs, a maverick marketing tool. Google SmellSense impressions, after scratching what ever it is we scratch be sure to use a room air fresherer!
No matter how old I get, farts never cease to be funny... just can't help it. I own a Whoopie Cushion and it never fails to provide me with a giggle. The greatest invention by modern man is the Fart Machine. The fun which can be had with this marvelous little device while standing in any line makes me chuckle just thinking about it.
Keep in mind that the fabulous fart machine is most effective when accompanied by the fart in a can aerosol spray!
y'all are sick, really sick...this is a sick sick place...
and don't we love it!!! ahhaha
True, Fart in a Can is the perfect accompaniment to the Fart Machine, but not as covert.
M, I'm going to go out on a limb and predict this will be the most popular hub ever... The only way it could be better is if you'd included this:
ahahahhaha NO ahahahhaah well I might.
In fact, M, I think you should invite Will the Farter (the God of All Things Fart) to check out this article... He may have some ideas for the hubby!!
I can't stand any new ideas....haahah
This was great reading.
I got one for ya -- how about you've finally got a date with the dream boat you've worked on seeing for months. You've had a romantic dinner, then gone to th movies. The 'chick flick' is silly, funny, sad and touching. During an especially 'moving' part of the flick... you lean over to plant a soft little kiss on her... but, as you bend over to make your offering.... blaaaaph! Out it comes... and a goup of a couple dozen or so all around you titter. What a gaff.
Happened to me once. Yech.
haahhaha never a good place to pass gas, unless you're alone. hahaha too funny, thanks Elbertizer!! come back soon!
Elbertizer, the only thing you can do in such a situation is go, "Woa, that was a good one!" and hope everyone - including the "dream boat" - has a sense of humor.
I work in retail, and I can't tell you the number of times I've shown a customer where the Beano is or other anti-gas medication is and the smell.....Let's just say they really needed it!
hahahaha, flutterbug77 ewwww! makes you want to hand them a drink so they can take it right then....what's wrong with all of us...what a world full of stinkers...
Constant, maybe true love conquers all....or maybe not.
marisue, my son does it all the time. This is hilarious, and I thought my hub Our Bowels was very funny.
Hi lulsum Mehmood~~ I'll go read your hub =)) thanks for reading and commenting!! =)) best to you.
Don't you just love it when an older hub gets new comments? Especially one so relevant to the day after the holiday gluttony! Oops! I need to step outside, for a minute.
I worked with a gentleman that purposely passed gas in small rooms and elevators in order to gain a reaction from coworkers. His victims got together and got wise and ignored him twice in a row and for the rest of the entire day, and then he stopped. It was horrible beforehand. We were fortunate that he did not ramp up the gas.
Hi B. T., yes, I love new circulation!! LOL gassy subject, yes?
Hi Patty! I think my 3 sons and my husband run a gas contest to see who can out pass the other. I'm so outnumbered!
I agree, no gassy jokes!! some things are better left in the bathroom! =)) tell that to men when they go to bed? What's up with passing gas under the sheets!!! geeeeze.
Haha I'm still laughing....
Digestive Problems in the News
- Ashton Kutcher Pays Homage To Twitter With TooterTechCrunch2 days ago
We all know that Ashton Kutcher is a fan of Twitter. Last year, Kutcher raced CNN to a million Twitter followers (Kutcher won ). Kutcher hosted Saturday Night Live yesterday night, and as a web exclusive, SNL released this bit Kutcher did about Tooter, which Twitter-like network that broadcasts Kutcher's flatulence emissions, or "gissions." It's up to you to decide how funny the sketch is, but ...
- Takeda Announces Initiation of Trial to Study the Concomitant Use of Dexlansoprazole and Other Proton Pump Inhibitors ...redOrbit8 hours ago
DEERFIELD, Ill., Feb.
- Unholy 'gasbag' boss sued for reeking havocNew York Post3 days ago
So you think your boss stinks? A new supervisor at the Jewish Theological Seminary allegedly made life a smelly hell for a longtime employee by emitting "constant barrages of . . . flatulence" in her work area, a lawsuit claims. The woman who's suing, Roberta Feinsmith, 67, got glowing reviews in her...
- 'Saturday Night Live': Ashton Kutcher's digital short for 'Tooter'Zap2It2 days ago
Did the funniest Ashton Kutcher bit go unaired on the Feb. 6 "Saturday Night Live" episode? You decide.A few weeks ago, "SNL" kept the funniest Charles Barkley skit off the air -- you only saw him in drag as Alicia Keys during the preceding NFL game. This week, Ashton Kutcher's digital short advertising Tooter (a Twitter-like network that broadcasts Kutcher's flatulence emissions, or "gissions ...
- Takeda Announces Initiation of Trial to Study the Concomitant Use of Dexlansoprazole and Other Proton Pump Inhibitors ...Marketwire11 hours ago
DEERFIELD, IL--(Marketwire - February 9, 2010) - Takeda Global Research & Development Center, Inc., U.S., (TGRD U.S.) announced today that it has initiated a trial to study how dexlansoprazole and several other proton pump inhibitors (PPIs) affect the pharmacokinetics and pharmacodynamics of Plavix (clopidogrel bisulfate) in healthy subjects. Takeda has been evaluating all published data and ...
- Kutcher 'toots' smelly new initiative in prank adHollywood.com27 hours ago
An unsavoury digital short filmed by Ashton Kutcher for his appearance on Saturday Night Live at the weekend (06Feb10) has hit the Internet.
- New Look At Hitler's Health, Flatulence And Drug AddictionThe Huffington Post4 days ago
What's Your Reaction? Hitler's digestion problems even prompted him to become a vegetarian: Contrary to what the Nazi propaganda machine would have one believe, it wasn't because Germany's dictator was an animal lover.
- Watercooler StoriesUPI2 days ago
Former sex worker enters N.Y. gov. race … N.Y. seminary employee alleges boss stinks … Woman crawls under tracks to leave home … Police: Man lied to hide act of charity … Watercooler stories from UPI.
Nicole Winter says:
2 years ago
Well, at least you can be thankful that he doesn't give you the "dutch oven" treatment, Marisue! I'm telling you now, though, I'm *never* going out to eat with you guys if you come visit us in Chicago. Dignified drinks, perhaps, instead :)