Reasons Why People Quit Church
79Church isn't for everyone, even those of us with a pure heart, decent morale, and good intentions. There is another place where some belong, under the title 'Spiritual, but not religious'. That term was invented for people who live faithfully and feel connected to something greater, in a spiritual sense, but choose not to be affiliated with any particular brand of denominations on the market.
Many of us have tried our best, frequenting several churches to find a right fit, only to become increasingly apprehensive of the church going experience. It's similar to going to the gym in some ways. The effort in preparing to go takes more energy than the effort expended once there.
We make promises to ourselves and others that we'll go, but an excuse is always readily available. We may go religiously for a while, but when we don't see results, as in unanswered prayers or a lack of a warm fuzzy feeling or get out of your seat and praise Halelujah, we start staying home on Sundays again. Who can blame us? We have our reasons.
1. Missed out on Church 101
Every time I try going to church again, I feel unprepared. I nervously thumb throug the bible pretending to know where anything is as my pew neighbor practically turns right to the exact page, with a smug grin. Was there a test I didn't study for- how come I feel so ill-prepared? Why do I always feel like an idiot going to church? Then someone makes a reference to a bible story and I'm lost all over again. Everyone around me begins talking of terms I've never heard, as if trying to outdo each other with saintly knowledge of the bible. If only they knew they lost me at the first thou shall....
Many of us are feeling left in the dust when we go to church. Guess I forgot to study before I went, maybe I was too busy those years studying to get my college degree. "The dog ate my bible pastor/preacher." "A whale, a burning bush? Are you talking about a Sex In The City episode?"
When it comes to basic bible knowledge, those initially trying out church for the first time without prior knowledge are in over their heads. For them, it becomes too overwhelming and discouraging when other church members seem to look down upon people who are not well versed. When I've gone to church it seems everybody is quoting a verse from the bible. For some reason I can't remember a bible verse any better than I can remember a funny joke I was told just a minute ago, which is next to impossible.
2. Too Much Singing
While many, possibly majority, of church frequenters enjoy singing, there is an impressive number of us who don't. I don't want to hear myself singing, let alone granny next to me who is tone deaf- really no offense, but she is usually the one singing the loudest.
The hymns in most churches haven't been updated in God knows how long. If church music was meant to excite everyone enough to participate, then let's not leave out the rockers and rappers of most recent generations- we just don't feel included. This doesn't mean we don't want to hear others, more qualified, sing- that is very enjoyable. Maybe some of us would just like to sit it out and enjoy the music rather than participate, but it's taboo to sit out songs.
There are people who go for the sole purpose to hear a sermon and thoughtfully apply it to their lives. If singing were cut to a minimum, then we could sleep in a little later and go for a half hour church session instead. And please don't make us stand up to sing! Actually I know people who arrive at church late to skip the singing part- ingenius!
3. Day of Rest
Didn't someone say Sunday is a day of rest, but you want me to get up early and dress up? The thought of getting the kids ready and cheerleading everyone to church is exhausting. We want our day of rest. I don't want to get out of bed extra early to look extra churchly and put on my saint act and wear my best smile. I want quality time with my pillow and not think twice about my bed head.
Which brings to mind, does God think me less honorable for not dressing up for church? Maybe if we came as we are, then we would act like who we really are instead of putting up a fake appearance and attitude. Would it mean I'm less devoted if I wore jeans and a ponytail, wouldn't God want me to come as I really am? He should know what's in our hearts, not our wardrobe.
4. Practice What You Preach
There are a lot of generally good people who don't go to church. We put in a helping hand when needed, we participate in random acts of kindness and we don't pretend to practice what we preach, which is more than many holier-than-thou church goers can say. Have you ever seen the devout in public at any given time, especially on a day other than Sunday- or even Sunday afternoon after church? They have two lives, one in church and one definitely outside of church.
Church has left a bad taste in some of our mouths from people who have purposely hurt us or wronged us and claim to be godly. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upholding church goers to a higher standard, although what would be wrong with that when most act like they have higher standards? I'm simply saying that people should not seek church to feel as though they have done their good deed for the week, and they can act inconsiderately the rest of the week. Church should not be a sanction for them to feel better about themselves for having done wrongs Monday through Saturday. I think many are misled by the forgiveness of all our sins, which doesn't mean commit more and as many as you want, they too will be forgiven provided you come to church.
5. Thou Shall Not Judge
The feeling of scrutiny and judgment lie heavy upon many church goers- why must we have an extra burden dumped upon us? Do you get the feeling that not all of your sins have been forgiven when you walk through those saintly doors. If God ever needs help on judgement day, he need not go further than the nearest church. It wouldn't be a tough recruiting assignment with all those eagerly judging folk. They try to enforce their views, poilitics, and parenting advice, among other let's-not-go-there topics.
A personal experience for me was a time when I was trying out a new church by going to a women's bible study group. I had never been to the church, but it was where my daughter went to daycare before I was forced out of my job- for not putting in enough overtime. I told the ladies that I was staying home with my daughter and all of them chimed in with 'good for you, doing the right thing by staying home with your child, good values, blah blah blah' and all I was thinking was I'd still be working if my boss hadn't cut me loose. But I am a woman of good values, I wanted to work and make a living for my daughter, isn't that also the right thing to do? THey judged me before I told them my whole story.
I also remember church when it was taboo to get a divorce. I remember because my mom had a hard time finding a suitable church for us to attend when I was a child and my parents got divorced. Sad, but true.
6. Work
There are many industries that don't close on Sundays or even weekends. For example, I was a waitress many years and worked on the weekends, especially Sundays because that was when I made the most money- money I needed to pay the bills. Sure, I could have prayed for an extra $100 from God and stayed home from work, but not to sound obvious and repetitive, I needed to pay my bills. Some people don't have a choice whether to work on that day or not. One job I had in the mental health industry, I was on-call, especially Sundays. Unfortunately that's life and even when it's not our choice, as in work situations, we are still made to feel guilty by the righteous mass who faithfully go to church.
7. Church isn't the Only Place to Worship
Nowehere in the Bible does it specifically state that a believer must go to church. There are places besides church where someone can worship and feel God's presence within them. I'm sure there is a verse in the scripture that states something similar about God residing within us no matter where we are. The church doesn't necessarily represent God, the people do, and wherever the people/believers are, he will be too.
Over time, church can dull the individual excitement and spirit of worship. Church is structured with a specific layout. No matter what church you go to, there is a general format that is followed precisely almost every week, following someone else's ideas of worship and catering little to individuals or breaking away from routine. If church doesn't get you excited, you shouldn't go.
8. Creepiness Factor
Why is it the more mentally ill a person is, the more religious they seem to be? I've worked with and been around my fair share of the mentally ill and religion can get pretty weird if you listen to their 'testimonies' and the way they "talk to Jesus". The extremely mentally ill, such as schizophrenia and bipolar, are irrationally fearful people and religion claims to 'save' people so I believe that is why they are attracted to religion and it's promises.
What about the catholic priests and the molested boys- some rumor, some not and that is definitely creepy. I think this is a prime example of religions' restrictions. People feel they have to hide their true selves in order to be accepted by the church, and sadly the restrictions can cause more corruption and lure of the forbidden (sin) behind closed doors of course.
Churches are notorious for their hidden agendas, politics and impossible standards impeded upon the reality of social stigmas. In some ways church represents who we would like to be, not who we really are. I don't believe that is the intention of religious doctrine, but that is how it's being interpreted through many churchgoers.
Religious cults; some people are vulnerable, and they may wind up joining a cult. Others are power hungry and opportunistic, and they are the ones that form and/or lead a cult. The two feed off each other and create cultural and moralistic havoc. Any church that offers an escape from reality is not going to benefit anyone no matter how dire their current circumstances may seem.
There are several benefits for believing in a religion and/or spirituality itself. These benefits are reflected in our physical and mental health and have even been tested and recorded in psychological studies. The unanimous verdict is that someone who believes in something, of religious or spirtiual nature, show more positive and healthy activity in their brain, which may also help you live longer and happier as well. However, this does not pertain to going to church, so believers can reap these benefits without the hassles of going to church. Often times people give up on religion and a spiritual life alltogether just because they don't want to go to church, but church is not indicative of believing. Church isn't what makes someone happy, it is the power of believing.
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Comments
You had some good points and good hub! We had a woman who was leading and into almost every aspect of every group at church. Then, in front of two 80 year old women, she confessed in tears, that on the rest of the week, she's the state secretary of the local nudist colony. Interesting, since she was always gossiuping about women who showed too much cleave at church. LOL
Jerilee: That's a funny story and I feel bad for people like that lady because they are not living a truthful life and some people feel like they can't be honest at church, which is too bad.
countrywomen: I think we share some of the same thoughts on the big picture and getting into heaven. etc. Glad I could give you a laugh- the sleep thing is my biggest excuse. I'll take sleep over anything!
I totally agree with you on this one.
This one really hits home for me. I was an active part of my previous church for seven years. I was even a choreographer and teacher for the dance ministry there. My husband and daughter got baptized there; I got married there. Now, my husband and I have both been gone for several months.Our beliefs have not changed. I never had a problem with the concept of 'Lord and Savior'. I still consider myself a Christian. However, I'm at a place in my life right now where I'm not real anxious to return to church. I just want a break, particularly from the responsibility of ministry. My pastor always said that "ministry is work; good ministry is hard work". I believe him.Seven years later - I just want to spend some quality time with my pillow, too.
Deidre, your pastor was right. I admire people who can put forth the effort and be committed to the responsibility of ministry. Not going to church for most of my adult years hasn't changed my beliefs or values.
Sunday doesn't neccesarily have to be the day of rest. I think of saturday as my sabbath just to keep my schedule clear and relax and that is how I "keep the sabbath" because more foten than not I am not relaxed on sunday with all the stuff that I end up doing. so I take a different day for my day of rest, much like a pastor whose sabbath is usually monday
Good approach suchsweet thunder!
Izetti, you've written a good hub that really hits the nail on the head about judgmental attitudes in the church. I am a regular church-goer, and am glad to say that the church I attend really focuses on acceptance and not being judgmental. Unfortunately, having attended many different churches in my life, I know how rare it can be to find a church with that perspective.
Our church has understood that some people go to church to worship and be uplifted. Others go because they are at a point in their lives in which they need inspiration and hope. Not one of us has ever gone to church thinking, "Man, I really need some judgment heaped on me today!" None of us are fit to judge anyone. Jesus said for us to love one another as He has loved us. He said nothing about us judging each other.
Thank you for the hub you've written. It speaks volumes about the hurt people can sometimes inflict on others without meaning to. Every church-going believer who reads your hub should really reflect on it.
Deacon J~ You bring up a point that everybody needs to remember; there really is a suitable church, I believe, for everyone. It is like finding the perfect mate, you have to match your ideals and expectations with that of the church's. Just like it is hard to find a perfect mate, it is also hard to find a suitable church. You are lucky to find a church you thoroughly enjoy.
I don't think church is the only institution with judgemental folks. Any time a group or mass of people congregates, there is bound to be judgment- it's actually a natural human characteristic. Although the expectation of going to church, for some, is that they will not be judged and the let down occurs when they are. Of all places to be judged, I think church is not the place it should occur.
Thank you so much for your comment.
I totally understand your point of view! I do believe that there is huge problem with most of our churches today. They get holy and traditional confused. One hundered years ago people went to be at 8 or 9 and was up the next morning at 5 or 6 and there fore it was easy to attend church.
The problem came when the church tried to quit reaching culture. I pastor a small traditional church. But we are changing rapidly which has ticked a few people off. But I believe we are suppose to go out and not expect everyone to come in that Biblical. Church is huge and when people get plugged into a place where they can belong it suits them. By the way everyone is looking for a place to belong. Our church is not there yet but we are heading to a place where the people who has baggage will fit. Oh I forgot heck they're already there!
I came to this sight because I am fixing to preach a series on why people don't stay at church. We are calling it "The Dechurched".
Yes, people want to belong and feel like they belong. It's hard to reach so many types of people and cultures out there and please everybody. The long time attendees tend to be judgemental and impatient with the new comers, and the new comers are put off by this non-welcoming attitude.
I have been to churches where there is too much fake welcoming and I've been to some where nobody acknowledges you're there. Striking a happy medium would be nice for all types of attendees.
Well it's good you preach to those who have baggage. I remember the days where those people had to hide their baggage to be welcomed into church. Things are changing in churches, but Overall I think as a country we are seperating from the church and community. It's too bad. I hope you are able to reach people and be helpful.
Allow me to direct your attention to a much better argument against church attendence, which explains passionately, and honestly why you are not going quite far enough.
Taliesin Hoyle~ "a much better argument". Well, ok, in your opinion. Interesting read, but a 'good argument' acknowledges both sides- that article did not. I'm sure plenty agree with those thoughts because they don't know how to think for themselves and believe in whatever they are told to (ie cults,etc). Some of these people are church goers, some atheists, but all sheep.
So which came first- the absence and lack of church influence in our country or the downfall of our soctiety's morale? I think it is good to believe in something as a country or a whole (what makes the UNITED States United)?. I do not personally believe in going to church to satisfy my spiritual needs. However, I think belief/church is great for society and the lost sheep of the world because it makes them accountable to their actions. Not everyone knows how to think and make decisions for themselves and these people arelost. I'd rather them go to church than a number of other more harmful possibilities. You have to admit our society has gone downhill with lack of accountability and responsibility for our actions. Religion, for some, is like a conscience.
Research supports two scientific bonuses of 'believers'. People who believe in any religion or 'something' report being happier and healthier AND live longer! The other being the effect of prayer- groups of people getting together to support someone during a hard time is powerful if only for the placebo affect. Groups are more powerful than an individual. Even Hitler needed an army.
What do you believe in or are you a lost sheep too? Do you believe in facts and statistics because those are disproven and modified every day.
I really mourn to see so many turn from church because of what they see as the hypocrisy of those who regularly attend church. I would invite you to seek out a relationship with Jesus Christ and find your true peace in that. Don't allow sinful men and women to turn you against the only One who can save you for eternity
Steve~ Just because one turns away from church doesn't mean they have turned away from God. I was taught growing up that you become, or are strongly influenced, by who you hang around with. For some, church isn't a good place to hang out at because there are many devout church goers that do not practice what they preach. Church seems to draw in people who like to judge. I think a more pure relationship can be achieved without all the politics and hipocrits.
Please tell me in the Bible where it says you must go to church.
izetti-I too am from the Great Northwest. I am now a pastor of a new Lutheran Church in Southern AZ. As a person trying to help people experience God, I appreciated your thoughtful response. I am deeply saddened by the state of churches in the US and by the individualistic culture that is so ingrained in us that we do not even see how it shapes our own thinking. God's people have been here before and always with dire consequences. You most recently asked where does the Bible say you must go to church. There is no ONE verse and this is no short answer. Matthew 18:20 says, "Where two or more are gathered in my name, there I am." God reveals himself in many ways...but he specifically promises to be present in one way (the Church, ecclesia, gathering, assembly, whatever you want to call it). So Paul, who once killed Christians, wrote about submitting ourselves to Christ and the Church, AS the Church submits to Christ (Jesus Christ is God's Word made flesh - John 1). It's finally about our relationship with Jesus, individually AND together. Later in John 3:16, John writes that "God so loved the world that he sent his only begotten Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish, but have eternal life." (John is writing, "so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God" by the way). Another note: Many of Jesus' followers gave up their earthly life for the faith they professed.
Without God's revelation of Jesus, we are like sheep without a shepherd. Even as a pastor (which means shepherd), I recognize that Christ is the true shepherd of our little church in AZ. God has promised and has continually worked through (and in spite) of those who gather in his name (Acts 2:42-47). So we are all of us on a journey, led by someone/something...but one thing is sure...this life will end...so is this all there is? God's Word clearly suggests otherwise. So back to the journey, the Bible makes it clear that people can be easily misled (Adam and Eve, the Israelites in the desert, in the promised land, in Babylon, back in the promised land, in the presence of Jesus, in the church...need I go on?). So 1 Peter 5:8 warns, "Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." A lion hunts by separating out the weak ones and attacking them. Some may ridicule the notion that the devil is imaginary, but God's Word makes it clear he is not. So my point is that a church only has authority to the extent that it seeks to submit itself to Jesus and God's Word, even as each member does the same. We do this imperfectly, but as we do this together, we forgive each other, just as in Christ, God has forgiven us.
izetti, I am sorry. I am sorry for everyone who insulted you in the name of Jesus. For everyone who judged you or made you feel less than the beautiful child that God made you to be. I'm sorry for every pastor who "phoned in" a worship service and made it seem like it was not worth your time (I admit it is difficult to keep it fresh every week). It is sadder still, since the Church needs caring, sensitive, strong people who know who they are and who Jesus is and who can truly help others in his name. It seems like few are left who are willing to die for their faith. This generation has lost its faith in faith. We have seen too much Nixon and Vietnam, too many empty promises and lies. We place our faith in government and science and wonder why there is no hope anymore. We continue to try to create God in our own image and wonder why he no longer appears to us. And we try to look behind the curtain and see God where he has NOT promised to reveal himself. We have forgotten God's Word, and I am convinced that no one even knows what the Bible says any more, let alone what it means for our lives today. Scripture has become a weapon to attack and judge other viewpoints.
May you find many blessings on your journey and may the light of Christ, our Lord and Savior, illuminate your way...Again, I truly benefitted from and appreciated your honesty and your insights. If you took the time to read this, thank you for your time and respect.
StPat~ Of course I took the time to read it and process it. I do believe in good and evil. I don't believe people should put their faith in government or science. I explained in one comment above to TaleisinHoyle that I blame the fall of the country and it's state on a lack of true faith and one common religion. I like what chirstianity stands for and the intentions of the Bible's teachings, but too many, like everything else, have exploited it. Now fewer believe. I am glad there are people out there, possibly like you, that worship in a truthful and spiritual way.
One common religion? No faith in government, or science? Let me say this: the source of unification for the United States of America is a powerful and uncompromised belief in freedom. Freedom of religion, freedom of speech, freedom of the press, freedom of assembly and freedom of petition! Never forget these freedoms and what these freedoms have provided; not only for this country, but for all of humanity.
Very Interesting! Here's one that might help: http://hubpages.com/hub/spiritualpath
I recently have had the thought and feelings that in ny church that divorced people are kinda pushed to the side or invisable.It seens that the upper crust the select few are running a secret church within a church.I really dont know if i want to go back there anymore.you think you have found a church home and BAM here we go again!HELP with any thoughts1
ib~ Americans have lost faith in freedom just as swiftly as they've lost faith in religion. Any union, including marriage, needs more than one aspect (freedom) to keep them together. "Freedom" is only words like a casual "I love you" in a relationship. It is no more carried out in actions than those that do not practice what they preach at church.
kimberly bunch~ I read your hub on this subject and I agree with most of your points.
steve~ In your situation, I would pick a very large church where you can receive the word of God, praise him, and be friendly without everybody knowing your business.
Another way is to attend a church that hosts or takes part in giving groups or classes to divorced people. That way you know they accept people of all backgrounds and circumstances. good luck...
izetti - what a relevant hub - I totally see your point! I do love going to church - when there's no service on and it's empty - it's great communion time with God :)
We can worship anywhere and everywhere. Sad to say many churches are turning off people because they fail to be what God intended these places to be, a house of prayer, and a refuge for the lost. Someone said, bars are more popular because you can talk to the bartender, while you drown your problems with your drink. Of course that's not the right course for anyone. I have been churchgoing for many many years,i like practicing Christianity rather than 'church-anity!
I can see that some individuals have lost faith in freedom; these people have lost so much faith in freedom that they are clueless as to what freedom even means. They unknowingly ignore the most basic of human rights in order to wish for their so-called "one common religion". Do you have any idea what you are saying when you wish for a single common religion upon 300 million different individuals? It's analogous to saying you support the abolishment of multi-party political systems, and the establishment of a single-party state under the probable rule of a dictator. Even countries with barely any political freedoms, countries like North Korea and China, are reasonable enough to not deny the rights to personal religious beliefs.
Don't you even know what freedom means? Freedom means you are allowed to write what you think without fear of prosecution, freedom means that you will never be under the ownership of another individual because everyone is equal, freedom means that you have the opportunity to follow your own religious beliefs instead of being forced to follow the religions of others. All these freedoms are garunteed for you so long as you do not infringe upon another individuals' freedoms.
That is the freedom that I speak of, not the shallow and easily-tossed-around term that you consider freedom to be. I only react so strongly because it is terrifying how a twenty-first century individual could possibly want a medieval standard of human rights in our modern-day society.
I think in my situation people dont realize that when we are thrust into divorce were still the same person and when we reach out to the church for help we dont want to hear (your doing a good job or hang in there it will get better) we want real help not per say good advice. If things get to heavy for them they seem to vanish; or its lets pray and then its go on your way and move onto the next basket case. GOD puts people together for reasons and some people are just to (perfect) for me.I just want to serve the LORD!
I enjoyed reading your article primarily because it reflects what the Church, which is supposed to be Christ's bride, has become.
Christians are to be the salt of the earth, but today there is little taste in that salt. We've become comformed to this world rather than allowing Christ to transform us from within. Most Christians don't understand how to actively work with the Holy Spirit as He works in us. Why not? Because false doctrine is being preached in many churches.
A suggestion for you-take it or leave it-seek Christ and not a religious experience or a 'church' per se. God rewards those who seek Him with all their heart.
thanks for the comments.
ib~ I don't hope for EVERYONE to seek the same religion, as I would not expect everyone voted the same political party, but we came to a majority vote and that's our politcal standing for now. There are other political parties out there, but majority favored a democrat. That's all I'd like to see for religion- a majority favorite- not forced upon people though. I'm just saying it's too bad that's not the choice of our country anymore. "In God We Trust" is what we built our country on and now we forget where our fore fathers got their inspiration from. If the president (a democrat- not multi party) can have influence in a classroom or in our country, then why can't a common religion have influence too?
steve~ I completely agree. There sometimes is a lack of genuine effort to truly help others in a church. Small churches seem to be more genuine, but there also seems to be more politics and judgment. I think the churches reflect what I see in our society today, and that is a lack of genuine communication and sincerity. That's why I've lost my faith in church, but not my faith in God. I do understand the "perfection" people try to protray in church and it bugs me just as much as when I see people go in debt to look perfect and have perfect houses, etc. For me, church has become superficial, just as our society.
hxprof~ your last paragraph is exactly how my relationship with God is. I somehow lose God in a church.
Thank you for your comments,its nice to know that other people have had similar problems,but also very sad.as born again beleivers we should all be united under God,not devided,how people get themselves into false religons,self importance,and just plain arogance is so self diseptive.
1. I didn't go to school because someone knew more than me and could turn the pages faster and acted smug(or was I just imagining that. I didn't go to to see my family because that act like hipocrites - they tell me not to smoke because it's bad - but do it anyway. so I'm not going to see them anymore. 2. I'm not going to work today because I want more pillow time - surely my boss will understand. 3. Not going to the doctors because he just wants my money. 4. not going to the grocery store because I don't really need to eat. 5. Not going to brush my teeth because who cares if I have bad breath. ( I can't smell it) 6. not going to put on deordant because I don't think I need it. Church is not about you wanting to go or not. It's about YOU NEEDING TO GO BECAUSE YOU (AND ME STINK) and we just don't know it, until someone says TAKE A BATH
That is one of the most convincing arguements/comments for chruch I've heard. You have a great point PASTOR JO ANN. BUT!!! church is about you/us/me on the INSIDE, not the outside. You speak of examples having to do with odor, appearance, money/job, and smoking- all outside. I am pointing out that one of my problems with church is it is about the outside and that is a shame- "look at me. I go to church so I APPEAR to be a good person, therefore I must be." For me (and others) church doesn't fill me up on the inside, the only service I am doing is for others to view me as a good person when I go. Ever notice the outside of churches are pretty, yet most churches are filled with gossip, judgment, and jealousy. I don't want to "take a bath" in that trash. Am I less a person for sitting in my living room viewing a service from my favorite pastor on tv? I prefer to "take a bath" alone.
Are you people serious? I am a christian but I do not go to church? Would you go to a doctor that says i am a doctor but never went to medical school? The world today is so caught up in materialism that we lose sight of the things that are really important. I don't see anybody complaining when the have to get up early to get the early bird special at the stores. Please if you are lover's of money and yourselves that falls upon you but please do not blame churches. We go to church to worship god and nothing else.
Chris- I agree the world is caught up in materialism and therefore need to prove their religion by going to a church building (a material object). I find that everything about church, including the people, make me lose sight of what's really important- my personal relationship with God.
Your doctor example is whack!! I wouldn't go to someone who put on doctor's attire and went to a medical center. Just because you get dressed up and walk into a church building doesn't mean you're a christian either.
I've had similar struggles with church. Donald Miller summed up my feelings pretty well in his book Blue Like Jazz, "The real issue in the Christian community was that it was conditional. You were loved, but if you had questions, questions about whether the Bible was true or whether America was a good country or whether last week's sermon was good, you were not so loved. You were loved in word, but there was, without question, a social commodity that was being withheld from you until you shaped up. By towing the party line you earned social dollars; by being yourself you did not. If you wanted to be valued, you became a clone."
Church is just an institution with a different set of rules to rise on the social ladder. Visible good works, maintaining your social image, getting in good with the pastor, keeping a smile on your face, etc.. At it's root, I think we all try to get ahead in any environment we're in. Chuch just has different rules to the game. In a business environment you get ahead by getting in good with the boss, in church, you get in good with the pastor. I remember a pastor who was trying to increase attendence at a new Thursday night service came to a young adult group meeting and said, "If you want to get brownie points with me you will come to the new Thursday night service". What struck me was that this statement wasn't questioned by anyone since it was just understood that this was one of the rules in the game. I'm tired of that game. I think the Emerging Church movement is trying to get away from this. Maybe I'll try that. :)
jhg~ reading your comment made me realize how much church reminds me of high school- a social competition. I would rather "do good" on my own pretense than to please a pastor or be a good church member.
You are right, people in general get this way in group and/or institution settings- it's natural. People don't question the leader (pastor, etc) and this is how cults flourish too- a thing called group think.
countrywomen says:
13 months ago
Izettl- I almost burst out laughing " I want quality time with my pillow" (Are you mind reader I mean I think exactly the same way on weekends)...LOL
Seriously I have encountered some of those people who tend to judge others quickly without even trying to understand them and which is so sad to see. You have made a good beginning sister and hope we all grow upto having greater love & kindness for all of us. Good hub.