I believe that many marriages derail and end in divorce because both partners ignore the very obvious warning signs.  I'm not sure why people, particularly women, stick their heads in the sand when things are beginning to fall apart.  Probably fear.  They are afraid of conflict, afraid of change, afraid of the unknown, and quite possibly afraid of the truth.  People don't want to "see" problems, so they put on a smile in between fights and just pretend everything is alright.

Below is the top ten list of reasons to seek professional help with your marriage in order to prevent divorce.

   1. If you are afraid your partner is having or flirting with having an affair.
   2. If you are having an affair or thinking of one.
   3. If your partner is controlling you by controlling the money.
   4. If you are afraid of anything your partner might do or do to you or to embarrass you.
   5. If you are frequently made to feel small, stupid, or ugly.
   6. If either partner is dealing with active substance abuse or addiction.
   7. If either partner has been in an unplanned unemployment for more then six months.
   8. If issues about infertility are creating conflict or stress in the relationship.
   9. If issues about money or financial stresses have been causing fights for more then four weeks.
  10. If either of you are not happy.


Now, if you are afraid of being physically harmed, or afraid your children are in danger, you must get out, right now.  However, if you aren't in imminent danger, just danger of being miserable another day, you have time and you owe it to yourself to do everything you can possibly do.  You won't regret trying to get professional help.  You might regret leaving a marriage not having tried.

Relationship coaching or counseling can do be done as a couple.  However, if that's not on the table you are far better off to go it alone then not go at all.  When you take this step even if you don't save your marriage, all is not lost, you might just save yourself.