1. Ask stupid questions

This is especially annoying during professional development sessions when the question you have just asked has been answered by the presenter momments before or better yet has been asked by someone before and you just were not listening.

2. Eat loudly

Salad (particularly carrots) are recommended here. Potato chips are also a winner. If you can manage to eat with your mouth open and make lip smacking sounds as food is particles are projected at lunch mates... you get extra points!

3. Fart audibly

This is always much more funny if you manage to look surprised or have a look of determined concentration on your face at the same time. Of an equally funny although admitedly a more clandestine variety is the "silent but deadly". Best performed in a lift with many other occupants just as you leave. Saying " oh god someone farted" as the door closes on the unfortunate lift travellers is also a nice touch.

4. Sniff and never blow your nose

Followed closely in the annoyance stakes by the almost gutteral sound of the extreme drawback. Finshed with panache by a spit into the bin... yummy

5. Eat stinky food that has must beheated in the microwave

Old fashioned favourites here are fish, fish, fish.... When they are heated they release more aromatic compounds that fill a tiny staff room with a naseating stench that wont leave until all of the staff have. A faithful backup is always the boiled egg.

6. Don't do your work

Guarenteed to annoy even the most placid collegue especially when they constantly get directed to help you with your heavy work load.

7. Take breaks at busy times

Is anything more irritating then being left in the lurch by the collegue who is "busting" when it is their turn at the till?

8. Come to work and evacuate your bowels for the first 10 minutes of the day

A winner on two fronts, one you are evacuating on company time and two you are leaving a lovely aroma in the toilet for all your workmates to appreciate.

9. Dont wear deoderant

Having a handy excuse like I'm allergic always helps when you ineviatbly are accosted one friday by the office goody-goody brandishing their favourite brand.

10. Wear overpowering perfume or cologne

The more the merrier. If you cant smell the perfume/cologne the next morning on your clothes you need to add more.