It’s hard enough to try and maintain a date night with your spouse. And with the ridiculous date night advice out there, it’s a wonder anyone’s having any fun at all. Here are the top ten stupid date night ideas I found on the Internet. (I swear I did not make these up.)

10. Put on your sexiest stilettos and sip fancy cocktails at a hotel bar.
I’m hoping the heels are for the ladies, but still. Watch your step. You won’t feel too sexy on the stretcher en route to the nearest hospital.

9. Bubble bath for two with candles and champagne.
I believe I’ve addressed this classic before. Remember that what passes for sexy in the movies does not necessarily translate into your real life. Unless your baby’s pictures would sell for $5 million, this play might be out of your league. Then again, bubbles hide a multitude of [cheesecake] sins.

8. Make a meal of aphrodisiac oysters.
Slurping oysters from the shell is supposed to be hot. Hmm. Make sure you live near an ocean. If you’re leery about tomatoes and bagged spinach, raw seafood may not be in your comfort zone.

7. Grown up trick-or-treating.
Again, I did not make this up. One site actually suggested putting on a sexy outfit and knocking on the bedroom door. This is disturbing and wrong. Plus, unless you’re a size 2, the naughty nurse costume is a little scary.

6. Enjoy a rousing game of Twister.
Uh huh. If you’re going to try this, I suggest you first program the number of a great chiropractor into your cell phone and keep it within reach. Better yet, leave it with your neighbor, as she’ll likely be the one to rescue your twisted little love knot.

5. Spread a blanket on the floor and have a carpet picnic.
Maybe your house is cleaner than mine. Maybe your carpet is newer. I’m just saying. Getting too close to my floor would quickly transform any romantic ideas into fantasies of having the steam cleaner guy come twice a year instead of once.

4. Take a sketchpad to a scenic bluff and draw your own version of the vista.
Is it just me, or would your guy also draw a stick figure with boobs?

3. Suit up and spend a late afternoon at the YMCA.
Nothing gets me hotter than nasal burning chlorine and swimming in kid pee.

2. Paint coffee mugs at a paint-your-own-pottery place.
Seriously? Coffee mugs? Shoot me now.

And my all time favorite:

1. Give each other haircuts.
What can I say? I hope you have a pre-nup.

Image Credit: moog, Flickr