In 1984, children across America discovered the Transformers. The toys, starting with Autobots (which turned from cars into robots) came from the Japanese manufacturer Takara, courtesy of Hasbro. But as we all know, they REALLY came from the metal planet Cybertron, and were looking for new sources of energy. Optimus Prime, disguised as a semi-truck, was their leader.

Decepticons were the bad guys, designed for war. Their commander, disguised as a World War II-era Walther P38 gun, was Megatron. Decepticons were complex; they include Soundwave, a robot that turned into a tape recorder.

Kids were enthralled, with good reason. In addition to the toys, which began selling in April, the Transformers cartoon debuted in September 1984 with its tagline "More than meets the eye!" Ratings went through the roof, along with toy sales. The die-cast robots sold for $8-10, three times as much as the more popular GoBots.

There were other media tie-ins: Autobots battled Decepticons in Marvel Comics. The Transformers comics, intended as a four-issue set, eventually lasted for 80 issues.

A year later, new Transformers came out with new twists: a set of Decepticons could unite and change into Devastator. Constructicons, Insecticons, Jumpstarters, Omnibots, and Dinobots were introduced. In 1985, Transformers ousted Cabbage Patch dolls to become the top-selling toy in the U.S.

New toys were added each year; 1986 saw the first battle station, Trypticon. An animated movie came out that year as well. In 1987, the two-foot-tall Headmaster, Fortress Maximus debuted. Fortress Maximuss transformed into not just a battle station, but a city.

Targetmasters, Powermasters, Pretenders, Micromasters . . . and that's just Generation 1. In 1992, Generation 2 appeared. They changed colors in water, purred and beeped. In the mid-90s there were the Beast Wars, with Maximals and Predacons, and the first female Transformer, Blackarachinia. (Clearly, procreation was not a problem for the twelve-year-old toy line, so the reason for a female remains murky.)

A dark side hovers over the Transformers, however.

Since the first toy commercial appeared on TV in 1952 (Mr. Potato Head, if you're interested), the FCC had wrestled with the twin demons of advertising to children, and violence in children's shows. Parents in the 1970s had fought for and won several key victories. It remained illegal for characters in a kid's show to sell a product, and war cartoons were limited. In fact, G.I. Joe was taken off the market in 1978.

By 1984, though, President Reagan's deregulation policy had filtered through the FCC, and all rules were voided. The 1977 movie Star Wars showed manufacturers how profitable toy tie-ins and product licensing could be. By fall 1984, children's TV was packed with shows that sold toys constantly. Transformers, Masters of the Universe (He Man), Voltron, and Rainbow Brite all vied for children's attention. The shows were the commercial.

Tranformers grew in popularity, and Hasbro went on to gobble up companies like Playskool and Milton Bradley. By 1986, 51 different companies were selling over 120 products with the Transformers logo on them--including ZipLock bags.

The last bill vetoed by President Reagan in 1988 was the Children's Television Act. It would have reduced commercial minutes on cartoon shows and required more educational television. But in 1988 as now, there was no way to put the genie back in the bottle.

Transformers are transforming again, from animation to full 21st century CGI effects on the big screen. Resistance is futile . . sorry, wrong show.