Trials of Single Parenthood
66Why Do I Wake Up At Five-Thirty In the Morning?
The alarm doesn't even have a chance to go off at five thirty this morning before I'm out of bed. I slip out of my room and turn it off before it has a chance to wake my daughter who is covered from HEAD to TOE in temporary tattoo's. My ex-husband, who is supposed to have her two weeks out of the summer, every other weekend and every Monday night has been relegated to only taking her on Mondays. Not that it's really my choice, he refuses to do anymore than that. And honestly, when I am coaxing my daughter out of slumber by removing fifty some odd temporary tattoo's from last night's debauchery... (Juice boxes are everywhere, there is an assorted fruit trail mix littering my bed, he swiped my daughter's computer that he gave her a couple of months ago and replaced my new monitor I PAID HIM FOR with my old crappy one...) I'm thinking to myself... "Who needs him and his crap, even once a week?," unfortunately, my daughter does. I finish scraping the tat's off and lead her to the bathroom to wash her face, brush her teeth & hair, and realize that my stove has also been unplugged. "Why?" I ask myself... Who knows?
We get to the bus stop at 6:35. No bus has shown up by seven. I'm panicking, I need to be at work at nine and the bus company tells me to be patient, it's the first day of school and there are problems all over the city with bus transportation. I understand, but most people don't have a job that not only won't cover the cost of sitting for the day, but that you'll lose if you call in sick or with an emergency. I call my daughter's school to see if they've had any contact with the company, and they tell me it's best for parents to drive their kids to school for the first week, since the bus doesn't usually have the route straightened out, yet. Okay. Except, I don't drive. And I need to be at work in an hour and a half, her school is almost 45 minutes away. I'm stuck! I call the bus company again and I'm lied to. They say the bus stopped at 6:43 and picked up *5* kids. Uhm. Must've been a Magic Bus & transparent children because I was standing out there with the Bus Co-Coordinator who has the job of recording the buses arrival / departure time & how many kids boarded or got off the bus. Actually, come to think of it, I think I may have been at the school before the bus co-coordinator was there. I yell some more at the *silly* lying people, and then am told the bus will come to pick my daughter up after it's dropped it's load of kids off.
Here's where things get dicey. The co-coordinator and another school administrator at the pick-up school tell me that this happens all the time at the begininng of the school year. Sometimes it can take up to 10:30 in the morning before the kids are picked back up. The bus co-coordinator and administrator tell me that I should go ahead and go to work, they'll put Willow into a first grade class here, at the pick-up point, until the bus comes back around. I waffle. I can't imagine not seeing my daughter off to school on her first day of first grade. I tough it out another 20 minutes after calling work and apologizing PROFUSELY because I'm likely to be late about 1/2 an hour. Then comes the time where I honestly can't stay any longer without seriously jeopardizing my position, (tentative, replaceable, temp worker,) and I leave her in the capable hands of the first grade teacher of this school after exchanging contact information with them & calling her regular school to let them know where she is.
The bus never came to pick her up. She spent the first day of the school year in a strange school. Mind you, she had her lunch packed up and she *loved* the teacher and the kids, no big deal to her, she had a blast. Meanwhile, I'm crying in the bathroom at work because my ex-husband is calling me and telling me that he's going to have me charged with child abandonment and that he had *no idea* what was happening until the school called him. Furthermore, he wishes that the school not call him any longer, he gives the school my boyfriend's number and tells them from here on out to have him deal with these problems. That's right! My unemployed, living at home with Mum & Dad, hasn't paid child-support or lived up to the custody agreement on a regular basis for over three years, can't be bothered with these problems. Let's put them onto the full-time working mom & her boyfriend who, not only works full-time, but has a part-time secondary job that takes up almost every waking moment of his existence.
What's wrong with this picture? I left my daughter in the hands of professionals who assured me of her safety and educational needs while I went out to work a full-time job that doesn't even BEGIN to cover our expenses. I know there are other parents who've been going through these sort of situations, and I want to hear from you. I would also love any advice on how to deal with any of this.
Thanks, guys.
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Comments
Aw, thanks, desert blondie! I appreciate you takin' the time to read and then posting something so uplifting and sweet. Basically, I would have loved to have made this hub much longer, in-depth, and more helpful to others, but after getting home, getting my baby girl to bed mopping my floor, doing laundry and making lunches I found I just didn't have any energy left to do anything other than a little good old-fashioned venting. I appreciate the fact that Hub Pages will allow a little personal space & "me time" now and then. (When I can keep my eyes open long enough to take it.)
Nicole my thoughts are with you and I really hope things will smooth out for you. I really don't have any advice but I wanted to let you know that I admire the fact that you are good mom and that you care enough to share your thoughts on this situation. All the best to you and your daughter!
Thank-you, so much, Jana67. I really appreciate your well-wishes for me and mine. I finally got some resolution today, when I spoke to the bus company and the driver admitted she didn't know where the school was. Obviously she had lied, she couldn't have been to a school when she had no idea where it was at. Hopefully my ex-husband will take this as a sign to take his child abandonment charge and stick it where the sun don't shine. And it only took me 45 minutes of cajoling the bus company into getting the driver to the school. Also, I got a snazzy apology for my troubles. Gee, thanks.
That bus company sounds like a disaster. Our bus has been early once and we missed it. But luckily I could drive him right down the street. It can get worrisome when the bus is late and I need to get to work. But my work is very understanding. I see why the man in the story is the ex-husband. I couldn't go a day without seeing my kids. I always do everything I can to help my wife out. I really hate when people in charge of something obviously lie right to me and act like they are not. Especially when I call them on it. Good luck with the boyfriend and I'm glad your daughter had fun at the temporary school. The second day has got to be easier.
Hang in there hon, you've got a bad hand right now but your daughter will be a secure confident young lady soon, you can minimize the ex thing and keep the eyes always peeled for another job. I don't know why people are such liars and hypocrites but it's endemic and society seems to let them get away with it. And your ex sounds like my sister's ex. I could write a whole novel about him and his crap OMG. Know that you're not alone.
You couldn't have put it better Nicole. I got a clear picture of what you're going through. Stay strong and know at least we are rooting for you.
Aw, Jim, you sound like one of the "good guys!" Your wife is very lucky, and so are you! Yes, this morning went **much** smoother, I realized that I even have a little time after dropping her back off at home to hit the 'netz and check some stuff out. I called the driver on her shiznitz and told her she got me into trouble and she was truly apologetic. This bus company has been something of a nightmare, last year they drove off with my daughter still asleep in the back of the bus after the first day of school. I went BALLISTIC. I was running after the bus screaming and waving, but he didn't see or hear me. (Or notice my daughter, who, at the time was only 5!) Then they had the gall to tell me it's the child's responsibility to get off the bus! Thanks for reading, Jim, and thanks for your heartfelt comments.
Hot Dorkage: Thank-you!!! Your sister's ex and my ex should go bowling sometime. *grin* Sorry, I don't mean to make light of the situation. I know I'm not alone, I thought it might be a good idea to chronicle some of the issues I've been having with him & his parents online, because it's truly some crazy shiznitz. I appreciate your support, it's nice to know there are people out there who still care about what happens to us, my daughter is growing into an amazing young lady & for her and that, I am truly grateful and duly blessed.
PenmanZee: Yea! Thank-you, sweetie! I really appreciate how supportive you all have been. I think two of the biggest kicks of my day are getting into work in the morning and getting home from work in the evening. I get happy coming and going, and it's all because of my daughter!
You sound like agreat parent Nicole. It will all pay off when you realize thatlittle girl you worked so hard to raise beomes a well adjusted woman. Good work, keep your chin up.
Thank-you, gwendymom! I completely agree with you, in fact, I think it's paying off already :) I appreciate you taking the time to read my hub! Thanks for commenting so positively, I really needed the boost.
Dear Nicole -
Your hub struck a nerve with me.
I can completely relate and understand what you are going through. As a single mom of two small girls for many years, I battled my ex in courts while he tried to "brainwash" my kids against me, bullied and manipulated me, and worst of all, used the kids as pawns to, in his mind, hurt me. My heart ached for these innocent girls. I took them to counseling to try to ease their pain. I tried to talk their father into fighting ME head-on - and not use the girls.
I've been trying to think of a way to write a hub that wouldn't get me sued for libel!
However - now we're past it all. My kids are grown. Have faith, that if you always keep the best interests of your kids at heart (and it sounds like you do), tell them that you love them ALWAYS, no matter what - even if they show you disdain, and make sure they understand that you are there for them. It won't be easy, but in the end, they will see the truth for themselves.
Keep in mind the old simple, but wise saying: "what goes around comes around". Your ex will experience it....it may take a while...but, so will you.
Today, my daughters and I are so incredibly close - and I know it's because I never, ever, let a conversation go without telling them how incredible they were, and how much I loved them. My ex put conditions on his love for them.
I let them know that I loved them - No matter what. They came around, sooner than I thought.
Good luck, I'll be thinking about you,
Pam
Pam- Oh, wow. Thank-you, so much. What a beautiful idea, we should all remind our kids every day about how much we love them and how special they are. THANK-YOU!, so much for your wonderful comment and your thoughts of good will for us. You're right, what goes around comes around, I'm trying to keep my eye on the prize; providing for my little one & I hope we become as close as your daughters are with you.
"Willow *loved* the teacher and the kids, no big deal to her, she had a blast. Meanwhile, I'm crying in the bathroom at work". Quite a line. Going back to your profile "My daughter is the reason I work, live, breath".
Nicole, kids are tough and you are a great mum. Keep on venting and keep an eye out for those around you that can lend a helping hand.
Thank you for sharing.
Thank-you, so much, Brainstormer. Kids, indeed, are tough! My daughter is living proof of that, she deals with a huge custody battle on a regular basis and she is seemingly unaffected by it! Thank-you for sharing! I appreciate everyone's comments, but I truly appreciate it when some one has shown that they've taken the time not only to read what I've written, but to repeat it as well. I'm definitely trying to keep an eye and ear out for anyone who can help us with our situation. I've been homeless before, and hell, I wouldn't mind, but now, I have another person to look out for. Homelessness sucks when it comes to having kids. Thanks for calling me a great mum. It's what I aspire towards. If nothing else, I want my daughter to look back and say, "Hey, there was a person who is / was in my corner." Because more than anything, I think kids need you to be with them, on thier "side."
Nicole,
This just broke my heart. I’m so proud of you for knowing that your daughter needs her dad. How much concern that must cause you that your precious child needs a jerk like him. Yet she does need him in her life. I do not know how or when but I do know that God is not blind that He cannot see. Further, I know that if something like this breaks my heart it has to break his big heart. I hope that you get excellent advice from others. I can only assure you that God cares and so do I. ~ eddie
Thank-you, Eddie, for such a hopeful and sweet comment. It's wonderful to know that people care so much!
What a gloomy spectacle I have been introduced with ! I belong to West Bengal, India. And disaster in daily life is our familiar experience. I have not learned a language to console you. Your innocent child should be blessed. I try to read the invisible commotions in her little heart. Your Ex must not have any right to interrupt you when you have ALONE been in the battle field with weapons of wisdom, patience and love for your child. I am not sure how sincere your boy friend is or will be. But I must acknowledge your struggle and request you to hold the torch tightly. In our country we have not been gifted with much of the comforts fountained by industrial development and we are in an illusion that everything is very fine in the western hemisphere. Our women must share your agony and your anxiety for the child as our women get almost equal treatment even from the present husband in general in most of the cases. Hypocricy is at its height and liars are no fewer than what you have been coming across in your place where the state is a blind instrument. I expect you to be victorious finally. Please tender my best of affection for the child who has been put into such a trouble in her first day to school as if to make her familiar with the odds that she is sure to face in days to come.
Thank-you, Broteem, your comments are very thoughtful, I've been bolstered a great deal by every one's well wishes for us. Thank-you!
We have way too many bus stories like this these days. Luckily, our kids are usually resilient and able to handle these situations better than we adults sometimes do. As for deadbeat dads, our society still isn't doing enough to make them fulfill even their minimum obligations. You sound like a strong woman and a great mom, and I send my hugs your way. I hope that once in a while you are able to do a little something for yourself - if you can take some time to "recharge" your batteries by relaxing with friends, going for a walk, whatever (needn't cost a penny), it will help you a lot - stress is not healthy and whatever you can do to relax will be good in the long run. Take care!
Thank-you, so much, Silver_Lotus! Yes, my daughter *is* very resillent, she's a great little girl who understands a lot more than people will give her credit for. I am very lucky in having (sometimes,) too much time to myself, to get out and be a person first, relax and enjoy myself. I completely agree, though, sometimes you just need to recharge your batteries, thank-you for your thoughtful comments & hugs, we both really appreciate them.
This is a great hub. I know what dealing with an unreasonable ex is like. My ex works and pays the very little child support, he almost never visits, but when he does, he always telling me that I am not a good parent when most of the time I am the only parent. I hope that your boyfriend is a better man. Be glad that you divorced your ex- huband. It seems that ayou got the better end of the situation.
Tootles!!
Nayberry, thanks, so much for your comments. I appreciate the situation you have been through with your ex, it's *very* frustrating to have an absentee parent tell you that you're not good enough. My boyfriend is a fantastic man, we're very lucky to have him in our lives. Keep reading and writing.
You have my sincere sympathy, I only wish there was something i could do or suggest. That ex of yours is the pits, maybe a neighbour would be able to help out on such occasions and you could offer to do something in some way to help her.
I am so sorry.
Thank-you so much katyzzz, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my hub and comment. We've worked out all kinds of arrangements in the last five months. It's been hard going, but we've managed to pull some things together. Your suggestion on exchanging babysitting time with a neighbor, (or friend,) is excellent, thank-you. Everyone should attempt to work out this sort of arrangement, it's a great money saver!
A very touching Hub. You know in your heart, you are doing your best and love your baby to bits. Stay strong - she'll do you proud. No one will take your Joy away. ((hugs))
Lady_E: Aw, thanks for taking the time out to read and comment on my hub. Indeed, I do love her to bits, she's my pride, my joy and my very precocious 2nd grader, now. It was such a pleasure to get this comment today, I put her on the school bus this morning so she could head out to a field trip today and while you couldn't pay me enough to be that age again, it's such an honor to be allowed the privilege to watch her learn and grow.
Ah, another reason why I am glad I live in a rural area. We are currently caring for our 6 year old grandson. The school is about 1.5 miles and we drive him every day. I do substitute teaching, so timing can sometimes be close, but the schools at which I work most are within a half mile of the school he attends.
I was a single parent for awhile after my first wife died. I had 3 daughters ages 5, 8, & 10, but my job was not as inflexible as yours, and the girls could take the bus to my wife's parent's house after school. I actually find it amazing that anyone who works outside the home and has children can ever get much done. Just managing things like shopping or dental appointments or whatever are a challenge.
God bless you.
John Juneau: Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I really appreciate it! Living rural is nice, but you have to drive everywhere. Sure, I need to walk all over the place, but since I don't drive living in the city is really the only option for me. (Especially living in Chicago, we have the best public transportation in the world... Okay, maybe not in the world...) Things have calmed down a lot for me, the Elections job was only a temp gig. Not through lack of trying, but I'm looking for work, (again,) and have been doing a lot of odd jobs / working on my Hubs. I just hit the $100 marker for Adsense, (w00tw00t,) and am able to pick Lau up from school no problem, now. I don't know how working parents, (especially single parents,) do it either. The time I was working 8-5 is a blur now. I read over the hubs I wrote during that time and don't even recall writing them. It's insane. Thanks for your kind thoughts, I appreciate you taking the time out to share with us.
desert blondie says:
16 months ago
Whoa, you definitely have a 'full plate' of situational stress...and an ongoing situation at that (your ex), and just the juggling and chaos and committment to full time motherhood, full time job, full time responsibilities!!!! Don't know how to help, but you sincerely have my sympathies! Vent here at hubpages often, you tell your tale well!