Trichotillomania Shame: The Secret Hair Pulling Compulsion
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My name is profoundpuns, and I have trichotillomania
(Hi, profoundpuns)
Here's the obligatory, easily-understood definition for interested parties who don't necessarily know what Trichotillomania is:
Trichotillomania (I prefer Trich or Trichy) is a strong, often uncontrollable urge to pull out your own hair. That's the only factor common to every person "diagnosed" with it. Even in the diagnosis, every person varies. Often, the "disorder" is self-diagnosed. Sometimes a medical doctor does it. Sometimes a psychologist. The symptoms vary. I pull out eyelashes, eyebrows, and all short, what I consider out of place hairs. Some pull out scalp hair. Some use fingers, some use tweezers. Some just pull the hair, some rub it between their fingers, some eat it (that one's called trichophagia). The causes also vary. For some, it starts in childhood. Others, in adolescence. Pulling can occur when we are anxious, concentrating, looking in a mirror, or just plain bored.
Like I said, I pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows. Sometimes little hairs on my stomach or on one of those gross moles/"beauty" marks that grows hair. I go back and forth between using tweezers and using my thumb and middle finger.
I'm writing for a couple of reasons. First, I want to share my own experiences to show that myself and fellow trichsters are not alone. I also hope that just by paying attention to myself and chronicling my actions, I can become more aware of when I pull and eventually decrease the compulsion. Finally, and most importantly, I want to start a discussion based on experience and suggestion that can help all of us trichsters find solutions together! Yay for boundless idealism!
So, feel free to comment. Post responses, suggestions, rants, whatever will help either you or someone else deal with trichy a little better.
A couple small steps for trich, one giant leap for trichster-kind.
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Self-awareness: the first step to freedom
I think that one of the most important ways to deal with having trich (or any kind of disorder) is to be aware of the ways it affects you. I've made some discoveries about my trichy tendencies.
Awhile ago, I was doing some reading (one of my biggest pulling triggers) on the couch in my apartment. I was eating Cheez-its out of the box in a very repetitive way. Hand goes in the box, hand goes to my mouth. Lather, rinse, repeat. When I had finished off the box, I realized that I hadn't pulled any hairs out since starting to eat the crackers. Maybe the cheesy goodness was distracting me, but I think that part of why snacking appeared to replace pulling was because of the repetitive nature of it.
Pulling out eyelashes, for me, is a repetitive action. I pull, look at the hair, rub it between my fingers, flick it away. Pull, look, rub, flick. Over and over. Sometimes, like when I'm snacking, I replace that behavior of my hands with something else. I think this might be a key in replacing my pulling compulsion with something else. Maybe not eating constantly, because that's not much healthier than pulling out eyelashes.
If you can recognize when you pull and, just as importantly, when you DON'T pull, I think that is one of the first steps to changing your behavior.
I've found the simplest act sometimes works to stop or at least delay pulling. Especially if you're in the middle of a pulling spree.
My suggestion, obvious as it may seem, is to change something about your environment. When I'm pulling eyelashes, sometimes I have to get up and take my contact lenses out. Maybe sit up if you are lying down. File your nails. Put on a ring. Change your hairstyle. Put on hand lotion. Take a shower.
Pulling is all about the repetition, the monotony. Break the pattern and take control by changing something that you have control over.
KNOW THYSELF
I'm not much into Biblical allusions, but I am into pithy aphorisms that give great advice. "Know Thyself" is excellent advice for trichsters. You have to be self-aware and recognize your triggers for pullling.
For me, I know that when I lean my elbows on a desk, table, or any flat surface that I'm using to read or work, my hand is at just the right position to reach my eyelashes. And that's a bad thing. So I try to read with my arms stretched out, leaning back. Just to be safe, I put something small in both hands to try to distract them from the compulsion to pull. Because I know myself. If I prevent myself from starting, it's much easier to continue than if I try to stop in the middle of a pulling spree.
A true compulsion
Maybe others with trichotillomania will identify with this. Even if you don't have trich, maybe you can understand compulsion. We all have our little quirks.
What do I do with the hair once I pull it out? I put it in piles. Sometimes the pile goes on my desk, and I see a nest of tiny, spiky, black lashes in front of my computer. Sometimes I let them fall into the binding of the book I'm reading, for me to find later. When I pull in front of a mirror, I put the sticky end of the eyebrows/eyelashes onto the wall or door, a vertical pulling pile.
I have certain spots where I always pull. Trichsters are nothing if not creatures of habit. I make giant piles of lashes and eyebrows, the remnants of multiple pulling instances. The piles are like memories of me, evidence that I have been there. Maybe it would be better for my health if I just scrawled, "PROFOUNDPUNS WAS HERE" in big letters.
Part of my trich is an obsession with everything being "right." In that way, I do see the resemblance with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I pull new, tiny hairs because they feel stubbly and like they don't belong there. I feel the tiny hair, either with my fingertips or because my eyelid itches, and I really really really want to pull it out. It doesn't "feel right." It doesn't belong. In my mind.
The piles are part of that obsession with feeling right and looking right. It's hard to explain. I want everything in its place, in the right place. It doesn't "look right" for a random eyelash here, an eyebrow there. The forlorn, fallen follicles (I love alliteration) need to stay together.
This is my attempted rationalization. I tried to explain some of my internal reasonings to a psychologist once. In reference to one particular rationalization, I said, "I guess that one makes a little more sense." His insensitive, abrupt response?
"Well, none of it makes sense to me."
That was the last time I went to see him.
I guess I understand now what he was trying to do - show me that, for all my rationalizing, trichotillomania isn't something rational, isn't something I should make excuses for, isn't "normal" behavior. In fact, it's destructive behavior. We have hair for a reason.
But he could have been a little more sensitive.
Reactions to Trich
Most of my friends have been supportive. The most common reaction I get when I say I have trichotillomania is, huh? When I explain what it is, most people are initially fascinated. They have never heard of the disorder, and are fascinated that such a thing exists. After a moment, though, most people remember someone they know who has no eyebrows or who pulls out his/her eyelashes or hair.
Some of my closer friends who know about it yell at me or hit me when they see my hand moving toward my face because they know it's so often unconscious for me. Sometimes I thank them for it, and sometimes I get angry. Maybe it's because I'm embarrassed at being caught. I know they are trying to help me.
The person in my life with the reaction most upsetting to me is my mother. She doesn't nag me or yell at me about it, but she sometimes talks to me about how sad it makes her that I pull out my eyelashes. That makes me feel worse than if she would nag me or tell me I'm ugly without eyelashes (okay, that would hurt, too). She constantly urges me to see a psychologist, saying that I can't just pull out my eyelashes my whole life. I tell her that obviously I don't want to do it, but some people DO have it on and off their whole lives. That doesn't mean I'm not trying to stop pulling or at least reduce it. Sometimes disappointment and sadness hurts worse than shock or disgust.
Trichotillomania Links
- Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group - DailyStrength
- The Trichotillomania Learning Center
- Trich-y Business: A Blog Forum on Trichotillomania
My personal blog on my experiences with trich
Final Word of Advice
We are not victims. It may feel like trichotillomania is controlling your life, pushing you into an unescapable corner. I often feel like that. But you must remember that while suffering from trich is not a choice, taking steps towards relief is.
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Comments
If it's any consolation, it probably doesn't physically hurt him. The pulling actually sort of feels good and is a way of releasing anxiety through a physical action. I understand what you mean about it being hard to watch, though; my family says the same thing.
Thanks for your kind words, and I hope too I can figure out how to avoid pulling AND Cheez-its!
I, too, suffer from trich, though in my case, it's part hair pulling and a LOT of scalp-picking. The pulling wouldn't be so bad, but the scalp-picking is gross and puts me at risk for infection. I'm putting together a hub on some of the things I've found that help reduce the behavior.
I am 24 and have suffered from Trich (with me it's mainly eyelashes) for at least half of my life. It's really comforting to know that I'm not alone with what I am experiencing - and that people are finding ways to help combat the behaviour. I am trying to break the habit but finding it very very hard... I definitely go into a trance-like state, usually when I am stressed - or anxious, and then feel very self-conscious afterwards (about the sparse areas I've left behind). I've found that I am now addicted to eyeliner as a way to try and hide the 'evidence'. Has anyone heard of specific foods or supplements that may help with controlling the urge etc?
Hi. My name is Devon. I actually am just coming to the realization that I suffer from Trich. I don't have any professional diagnosis, but I am fairly certain that I have the disorder. I pull out eyelashes, eyebrows, and hair. I didn't realize I did it until this past summer. I think it started after a pretty emotional breakup and I think I did it as a distraction? I know for sure that reading and TV are two major triggers for me. Oddly enough, I was just watching CSI and they mentioned a character on the show who had Trichotillomania, the compulsion to pull out hair and eyelashes. I literally froze. I jumped up and ran to the computer to get on google. (this was about an hour ago) I didn't have any idea that there were other people who pulled out their hair; I just thought i was a freak. It's a shame because I used to have the most beautiful thick eyelashes and hair. My hair has gotten a bit thinner and a lot of my eyelashes are now gone. I'm still in shock. I'm not sure what to do. I guess it's good that I recognize that I have Trich. For a few weeks now I have been trying to stop, but it's insanely hard. I just thought I was...I don't know, weird. Thank you all for posting your stories here, it's very comforting to know I'm not alone.
im just 13 years old and i been pulling my eyelashes out and eyebrows hairs also i pulled my hair that was on my fingers and toes(it became such a problem that my mom finger and toe hair to) to and first i was just nervous my friend said i was physco i was aroung 6 or 7 when i started and it became a very big problem i was like i being do doing this for long time i was tired of doing this i thought i really thought i was going crazy but then i thought i should search i pull my eyelashes out and i was surprise that i found this and as i thought for a sec everytime i did pull out my eyelashes i was bored and concentrating but i cant beleave it i thought i was alone but i guess im not not and im happy that im not.
I have this condition.. it all strated when i was 10 years old and still happens now.
For 6 years i never told anyone about pulling out my eyelashes because i felt so ashamed and embarased. Also it wasnt until last year that i found out that this was an actual contition- so beforehand i felt i was the only one who did it.
My mom and dad where the first to find out as they could see my eyelashes wer beggining to get sparse untill they completly dissapeared, but each time theyd ask i would deny that i picked them out.
My parents were also unaware that this was a condition and therefor didn't understnd why i was doing this, so they use to shout at me alot about it and embarase me by calling me names as they probaly thought this would make me stop.
However, this made it worse, and as ive never had a good relationship with my mom i felt i had noone to talk to. Each night i would be shouted at more and more- and each night id go to bed crying and lie in bed for ages trying to get to sleep. And this is when the eyelash pulling would take place.
It gradually became worse and when i was 14 i started wearing alot of makeup, not beacuse i wanted to- but to try and cover up the lack of eylashes. I did this by wearing lots of eyeliner. Unfortunatly it still didnt help as i would catch my friends or others at school staring at my eyes with a weird look on their face. I became very reluctant of looking at people when i or they where talking for fear of them asking why i had no eyelashes. When this did happen a few times id make up an excuse of that i needed the toilet and id walk off.
Things at home grew worse and now that my sister had left home and gone to university- my mom bcame completly focused on me and never stoped goin on about my image. She was beoming obsessed with the way i looked not only my eyelashes but my weight aswell. I had my weight checked and i was just on avergae for my height, but she saw me as being fat and obese. I didnt know what was wrong with her- and it turned out that she had a problem with being depressed about her own weight. Along with the name called about my lack of eyelashes, i was now regaulary being called fat and ugly. It doesnt sound that bad, but it has made me completly self consious and now i refuse to wear shorts or skirts in the summer. To make matter worse i'm a dancer so when i have my competitions I know im going to get compared with the other gilrs- even though im practically the same build as them.
I tryed to keep my home life separte than that with my school life and therefor none on my friends knew how i felt. At 16 i strted wearing fake eyelashes everyday, they made me feel more confident about myself even thou i would still get the occasional 'are they fake eyelashes?'.
I now reliyed on my fake eyelashes which ment that it would make it extremly hard if my friends asked me round for sleepovers, as i couldn't just casually take them off. So i always kept my makup on when i splet over. It also meant i couldnt go swimming with my friends and so always used the excuse that it was the wrong time of the month.
I'm now 17 (in my 1st year of college & living at home) and still have this condition however i have got better over the past year because now ive managed to stop pulling out my bottom set of lashes, however the lashes on my upper eyes lids are practically bare apart from a few towards the corners.
Ive been with my boyfriend for 4 months now and trust him completly. About four weeks ago i told him that i pull out my lashes due to the fact that he couldn't understand why i would never take off my makeup when i slept the night at his. I didnt know how to explain it or even how to begin and it took ages to build upo the confidence to tell him. We wer sitting at the computer and i typed 'trichotillomania' into google and let him read it, as i was already almost crying.
This was the 1st person i had ever told in 7 years and it felt like a weight had been lifter off my shoulders. He understands completly especially now ive told him about my home life and is always supporting me.
I went for 3 weeks without pulling at my eyelashes and a lot of them had strted to grow back. I was so happy with my self and my boyfriend was really proud. But last week i had a dance performnace and a massive argumanet and name calling about my weight kicked off again. That night i ended up pulling all of them back out again. The next morning i was soo disapointed and annoyed with myself, i couldn't belivee i had destroyed my 3 weeks of not pulling any out.
I texted my boyfriend and he told me not to worry and that they will be growing again in no time becuase he will help me every step of the way.
So now with the help of him, im relying on my will power still and really hope an episode of the other night doesnt happen again.
Sorry its been a very long coment- practically my life story aha- but writing about it really helps me control how im feeling.
Good Luck to all of those will the same problem.. its always hard at first, but telling someone about it who won't shout or look down upon you- really does help :)
xx
I'm 27 and have TTM. I pull out my eyebrows and I pick the skin off the bottom of my feet. I started the eyebrows when I was 15 and the feet sometime in college. My eyebrows used to be very thick. Now they're bald on the outside edge. I use tweezers at home, but don't usually get carried away with them. I mainly use my fingers. If I'm bored or stressed, I start stoking my eyebrows. My fingers find the stubble from previous pulls and then I stroke those areas more. I never intend to pull hair out, I just like the stroke/tug feeling, but inevitably, I pull out my hair. I told my mom once and she didn't know anything about it. She tried to stop me by telling me not to pull anytime she saw me do it, but that only made me angry and embarassed.
My boyfriend is 31 and also has TTM. He pulls from his facial hair. He can't grow a beard anymore, even if he wanted to.
Hey everyone :o) I am 30 and I have trich also... I have been pulling out hair for as long as I can remember. I used to suck my thumb as a young child and then went onto pulling out my eyelashes and now I pull out my eye lashes and eye brows...
Its been great reading about everyones stories and you sound just like me! Yay people to talk to about it
If anyone wants to email me they can on: meganandgeorge@hotmail.com
Love and light
Megan
i am so glad to hear that i am not the only one with this problem, i still feel strange but i'm glad to know that i am not alone. i pull my eyelashes,eyebrows,arm hair, and stomach hair. it calms me. i don't really know when i started exactly. i just know that everyone catches me doing it and calls me on it (it's so embarrassing!) i have been known to pull it all out till i am bald. when this happens i try to hide as much as possible, when i can't hide eyeliner is my best friend. i am 36 and it feels like forever since this first started. i have not been diagnosed by a doctor cause i never go to the doctor, i'll take my kids in the blink of an eye but not myself. but this is the closest thing that i have found that sounds exactly like what i do, so i think this is my diagnosis. i feel so terrible my daughter use to pull her hair out by the handfuls and eat it, i tried everything to get her to stop. numorous doctors, and all their suggestions. when i couldn't get her to stop and her pediatrician told me it could kill her i shaved her bald.(i rather have a bald baby than a dead baby.) i got alot of criticism for shaving her bald, and it made me so mad. i told them not to judge until they have been in my shoes, instead of judging me to help me come up with a solution to my problem. my daughter moved to the big girls room at the day care and said that she wanted hair like the other little girls. i told her i would let it grow if she would stop pulling it out and eating it. she did stop with an occassional slip up, i would just remind her of the clippers and how i was not afraid to shave her again, anything to keep my baby girl with me. she remembers those days and would stop quick. my daughter is now 9 and will be 10 in october,(thank you god!) but i am still reminded that i may have to one day shave her again against her will, just 2 months ago i caught her with her hair in her mouth, and i was quick to bring up the conversation of the clippers and shaving her again. i feel so terrible to threaten her but if it keeps her alive i will do anything. my hopes is that she will out grow this and i will not have to threaten her any more, i can watch her grow into a beautiful young woman that will graduate and move on to bigger and better things, following her dreams. a beautiful, happy, healthy woman. i also hope that this is not something that is passed down through the family, i'd hate to think that my future grandchildren may have this to deal with too. best hopes and wishes for all those who are dealing with this themselves or who have a loved one that is going through this, my prayers are with you all.
oh i'm sorry i forgot to let everyone know the only thing i have found to be some what helpful to keep me from pulling my hair is to wear gloves. i can't quite get a hold of the hairs all too well and eventually give up. unfortunately though this doesn't always work, sometimes the damamge is done before i think about the gloves.
I'm 19 and I've been pulling out my eyebrows and eyelashes since about 5th grade or so. I finally just recently saw an episode of something on tv [not the csi episode somebody talked about] that talked about it and I jumped to google it too. I was thinking I didn't have it because I thought they meant more extreme hair pulling, but I just read part of this article and I do the same thing.. pulling it all out and putting it in a pile and then I flick the pile away when I'm done. I always try to keep it at 5 or 10, though I do it quite a few times a day, plus one or two here and there often. I don't know how I still have any eyebrows or eyelashes honestly. They don't look completely noticable, it just looks like I was born with screwed up eyebrows lol. I'm glad I'm not alone, god.. it sucked thinking I was just weird.
I forgot to add, in case more people read this that want to find similar symptoms.. I do it when I am stressed, anxious/nervous, bored or angry. I notice when I am doing it but not completely. It's like when you're drinking something, you notice that your tilting the glass and taking a drink but you don't at the same time because you just don't pay attention. I don't do it so that it hurts, it doesn't hurt at all actually. I don't pull too hard, which is probably why I've always still had some eyebrows and eyelashes left. I only pull out the ones that come out easy, so sometimes it takes a couple trys to get one. I'm not an embarrased type of person, but this is one thing I never told anybody except one friend of mine and my boyfriend because I was embarrased about it and still am. I don't mind my eyebrows, they don't normally worry me enough to go out in public. sometimes though I'll see a mirror and my heart jumps because I have a bald spot in my eyebrows that is just BAM right there. I use my fingers, never tweasers. I don't do it because of an obsessive hair paranoia or anything. I don't mind hair, I don't shave anything, so really I don't mind hair lol. It's purely just 50% habit and 50% stress reliever. I don't know how to stop as I can't stop my other habits [biting my nails, popping my knuckles so often it's ridiculous]. I'm trying though, my boyfriend smacks my hand away when he sees me going at it.
I am just so glad I'm not alone on this one.
one of my issues i guess is that i tell my self " well it's one hair.." and then i come to pulling one rEALY painful hair and for most that'd be " oh ouch crap stop" and i do tell my self that.. but i cant.. it's like my MANLINESS gene kicks in and says " common wuss it dont hurt that bad just go slower see how much you can take.. what's worse is im unemployeed and loking for a job.. my friends used to try to help in variious ways.. one frined found a cute lil feather to put in my hiar to hide my pacth and keep my hands off it.. it helped alot but when people asked why it was there... yeah well.. you know.
ocsionaly one friend even let me pull his hair.. his comment was "how.. did you do that so painlessly.." "practice mate.. lots of it"..
my prblem now is getting a job styling my hiar will cover it for now but if i dont find a stopper soon it'l be like last time when i pulled ALL of my hair out.. i thank you for your hub and you cheezey cracker solution i used pringle but i ran out.. think i know why i eat all the time.. but now that food is low.. the pulling hath begun and i must find a new way to stop.. Arigatou gozaimasu! ^.^
I have had this condition since the summer between my 3rd and 4th grade. I am 19 now and I still have this condition and I hate it, and I hate myself for leting it happen. I thought I was the only one in the world with this condition and Im happy to find out that Im not. I only pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows. For the eyelashes I only pull out the top ones and rarely on the sides. I grew up being abused at home and then at school and I think thats why I went to self abusing myself. But it just made matters worse when people started picking on me for doing that. Once I went into high school I started to cover it all up. I dont like make up, but I hated feeling like a freak. I but on mascera, an if that wasnt around I would use a black sharpie. Then I spend 10 minutes every morning with an eyebrow pencil. After that everyone had thought that it all grew back, but it was just a mask. I think its a way for hiding it from myself too, because I will look at myself and think, 'wow, I almost look good today'. But I also tink it may have helped me because that year I finally grew my eyelashes!!! But it only lasted for a few months before I was at it again. Its an overpowering feeling I get on my eyelid...I couldn't resist. My first boyfriend broke up with me for it because im not normal. well 5 years later and Im still the same. Everyone tells me how beautiful I am and I guess I can see it sometimes. I have a double D bra size, and I weigh just 110 and Im 5'3".I just think they are just judging me from my neck down. I just wish I could stop and get my life back in any way possible! I remember when I was younger that I would always hope to find a magick lamp, like on Aladdin, and I would wish for my eyelashes and eyebrows back, the ability to stop pulling them out, and for people to be nice to me. It was around the 6th grade I started thinking about that..something a 6th grader shouldn't have to think about at that age. I just want my life back...but I dont know how...
I should also say that t has never hurt me..except the very first time I did it. But other than that I've done it because I am bored, or while Im reading, or when im on the computer. I doesnt hurt..its more of a relief feeling I get. I only use my fingers, never tweezers, and sometimes I will cut my fingernails really short so I cant pull...but It rarely works.
A year or two ago I just found out that my biologicl mother used to have the same problem with her scalp and eyelashes...something I neer knew when I started my habit.
Maybe its genetic?
I have been pulling my eyelashes since i was little.It so comforting to know that Im not the only one that suffers from trich. What helps me sometimes is getting my nails done, which makes it more difficult to pull your eyelashes off. So all the girls that suffer from this getting your nails done helps and it looks good.
Im glad I found this site. I think I was about twelve years old when I started pulling out my beard hairs. I forced my self to stop at some point when I was a little older. unfourntinently now that Im an adult my beard comes in very strange. Im am very embarssed by this, all my male family members grow great full beards. My beard would be thick and good looking. I shave every day and I dont plan to stop. Im luckey, I didnt toutch the rest of my face, for the people who pull in other visible places you have my simpithy. I have very strong will power, any one who has to overcome somthing like Trichotillomania will have to try very hard, BUT I am liveing profe it is possible. I havent pulled a hair in many years. once its out of your system you will wonder why you did it in the first place.
My solution is very simple shave (its kinda like a good OCD) not everones solution will be so easy. My advice is direct your energy into somthing usfull. everone can find something to do with their free time better than pull out their hair. and please do, the sonner you stop the better off you are.
remember you can allways shave (your hole head if you want). its sometimes the best thing to do.
Good luck, your not alone.
I pull my eyelashes when they are itchy, or if I find a 'hair out of place' I reach for the tweezers...
URL? My daughter came home from living with her father... nearly bald. Heavily over weight and with fake (cheap) hair glued to her head.
How can I help her with out harming her?
chandra, how old is your daughter?
Jessica is 16. She has RAD as well as this and rages at very small things that annoy her. She washed her hair and we did get the cheap glued hair out of her head and when you brush it to the side it covers. She is so sad and angry.
i am really sorry to hear about the troubles that your daughter and yourself are experiencing right now. if you would ever like to e-mail me feel free, bastapheena@aol.com. like everyone else on here i too have trouble with the hair thing, and my daughter use to but it's not a huge issue with her any more really, i hope it stays that way. anywho i am rambling, my point being i have recently told a doctor and they look at me like i'm strange, and my friends and family don't understand either. it would be nice to have someone to talk that is experiencing the same thing that i am. that goes for anyone that would like to share and talk every once in while feel free to e-mail me. and to everyone happy 4th.
I am an acupuncturist who works with children, and I worked with one seven year old who was pulling out her hair. After two treatments, her mother told me she noticed that this had dramatically decreased during the previous week. I think acupuncture would be a great help. It can address the underlying anxiety.
Qi Girl, have you had anyone else with a similar problem come to you and see results? I'm 18, and have dealt with trich since about the 3rd grade. I pull my eyelashes and the hair on my scalp. So far I haven't found anything that helps, and when I stop long enough for the hair to grow back, I don't remember what it was that made me stop for so long. I'm desperate for something that might work.
trich is the worst. It's so embarassing.
Thanks for the hub. I have it too - and I don't believe we are victims either. I have met so many wonderful people online who have it, and I have started to accept it as a part of me. It really helps me to be a lot happier with it.
At 46 yrs old I never dreamed I wld still have this habit. I wish we cld find a cure! At 16 I went thru a bullying experience and in the trauma I started pulling my lashes, then eyebrows. I was known at school for having the longest lashes and big brwn eyes. I started wearing fake lashes and penciling in my brows. If I didn't have on lashes, and just eyeliner, people asked if I was sick or tired. That's how much your lashes matter! I kept on doing this. At 23 I thought if I got married I wld feel secure and stop .... I didn't. I have stopped 3 times in my life.
When I found out I was pregnant w/my 1st child I did not want her to be born to a mother w/this habit. In the pictures I wanted to have eyelashes/brows. I stopped until my baby was about 4 mos old. So about a year. At 30 I got a divorce and felt secure and happy, in control of my life. For once I had 'me' time and pampered myself. I grew out my lashes/brows, worked out, lost weight and was very pretty again. Several months later, I met my dream man, we dated a year and got married. After a little over a year of being married I found out things I didn't know about him. By this time was pregnant..... which started an emotional trigger & I started pulling. I cld not stop. I stayed with him for 8 yrs and kept looking for ways out. He had many issues, we had horrible credit, etc. I felt I had ruined my life. I began pulling the fine hairs at my temple. With the help of family, I got away from him but it required a protective order and he constantly threatened me and made death threats. My kids and I were going thru the worst hell. He kept on with this behavior and still does somewhat today... 4 yrs later. This pushed me to start pulling farther up than my temple hair. I began pulling scalp hair... something I cld not understand people doing in the past & thought I wld never do. My first daughter got a scholarship & went to college on top of everything & I felt sad I cld not get her a big gift like her dad did & cld not take her on a nice vacation. I was upset she had suffered thru my 2nd husband. I felt like a loser. I began pulling scalp hair in a horrible way. My hair looked so bad a few people at worked asked me about it. One lady thought I had cancer. I told them I colored & permed my hair & had a bad reaction. I bought a book off the internet, pd about $60. It was the lady who cured herself. Can I say her name? not sure. The book did not make a lot of sense to me but some areas did. I stopped pulling for about 8 mos. This summer all my hair had grown back somewhat about 6" or so. It looked pretty again & people were complimenting me on how shiny & pretty it looked. Why does them complimenting me want to make me pull again???? I started all over again. Sometimes I think it is self destruction? My 2nd x husband always wants to get back together... but he can not keep a job, is mean, drunk, etc.... do I do this because I want to look ugly to him? I now have thin hair again, and have a ridiculous 'comb front' hair do that looks like a chili bowl cut. My hair is just below my collar. I wear a lot of hair spray and ball caps on wknds. I am so sad about it. Sometimes reading these sites makes me feel hopeless like there will never be a cure. For the 3 times I've stopped, it has been an overwhelming willpower to look good, pampering myself some, making 'me' time. I am a people pleaser and always put myself last somewhat. Maybe try to avoid stress or painful memories.
I recently joing FBook and old HS friends want to meet up. They ask why I don't have a picture posted... I just want to cry but as I've sat here I have pulled hair. I found a website for clip on hair extensions and for the 1st time I will have to order some.
I have pulled out my eyelashes and eyebrows over 15-20 years. I feel I can help with at least this problem. It is very hard to stop when the eyelashes ITCH when they start to grow back in and they also feel stiff and straight and just different. What I do is take a wet warm wash cloth and rub my eyes until the itching stops and this usually prevents me from pulling on them. I haven't pulled on them for over months. They are growing back and look very nice. This is just a nervous habit like biting your nails, or lips, or shaking your leg. I am a nervous person and others that do this type of pulling are nervous as well. Please try the wet wash cloth, it works wonders, and watch your eyelashes grow back. You will leave them alone and let them grow because the itching will eventually stop after they have completely grown back in. IT WORKS!!
gosh, it is so comforting to know that I am not the only person who deals with this. Since I was eight years old I've had the condition. I'm now 25. My symptoms started when my parents divorced. Throughout my childhood I underwent a lot of abuse (sexually, emotionally, etc.) which I think has shaped a lot of my anxious behaviors of hair pulling. I've taken steps to make my life better since those times and I'm a lot better these days. However, a lot of my triggers are when I'm reading or trying to concentrate on something that's difficult...or when I'm just generally anxious and stressed.
I've heard rumors that if you pull enough, the hair doesn't grow back at, leaving a permanent bald spot. I don't think this is true. Every bald spot I've had has filled in. And I've had many! I think the hair just needs TIME to grow back. And I think the roots grow stronger over time as the hairs are left intact, making it less susceptible to feeling itchy and tempting to yank out. When I get tempted to go on a pulling craze, I try to remind myself to just stop and itch the eyelash line or the eyebrow area instead of just yanking the hairs out. It's hard though and it takes work to change my patterns of thought from going into a trance-like state of pulling to a state of self-awareness that allows me to control my behavior.
All these stories sound very similar to me, as I have gone through the same issues with my trich. I am 18 years old and starting pulling when I was 16 years old...even before that, I would obsessively pluck my eyebrows and liked the feeling of pulling out stray hairs. But I believe stress with school really triggered me to start pulling out all my eyebrows and eyelashes. I too used makeup to cover up my lack of hair and was always embarrassed that people would notice. I am a swimmer, so during swim season I would freakout and try to get waterproof makeup and always make excuses to run to the bathroom, where I would use a mirror I had brought and fill in my eyebrows in the bathroom, because I was too embarrassed to even put the makeup on in front of the other girls in the locker room.
Some of my friends and my family know, but it still embarrassed me for a long time to even mention the subject. My mom still will try to stop me when my hand goes towards my eyebrows, and even though she supports me and is just trying to help me, it embarrasses me and reminds me that people can notice this flaw I have, and I usually lash out at her. My dad will sometimes make jokes about my lack of eyebrows, and that hurts too, even though I know it is all light-hearted.
I have tried different thinks, like I tried doing the behavioral therapy for a while....but taht didn't work out, and I do think that's partially because I did not commit myself to quitting. When I WANT TO PULL, I just want the feeling of getting out a small stubbly hair and I can't stop myself, I no longer care about any other promises I had made myself to stop. I also took luvox, but that didn't do much at all. I stopped taking that and two months later, around june of this summer, my eyelashes and eyebrows began to grow back. It was the first summer ever where I was not stressed at all. I had no summer homework, I had finished my senior year and was excited for college...and my hair was growing back. I don't really know why I stopped. I thought it was the end of my habit!
Sadly, it was not, and at one point in the summer, in a frantic episode like someone else was talking about, I pulled out all of my eyebrows. But I did still have my eyelashes. Since then, my eyebrows have grown back and I have mostly all of my eyebrows and eyelashes. BUt I still live with it day by day...I have the urge to pull even as I type this. Reading and looking in the mirror are major triggers for me, and I fear that when I go to college in a new city living away from home, it will all come back again.
Has anyone found something helpful to replace hair pulling? Because I've tried stressball which sort of helped, but not quite enough.
I have just come to realize that my six year old has this disorder and I am really not handling it well. I am a person that always tries to look on the bright side of things. I tell myself "You know it could be an uncurable disease like cancer, that could take his life" but it just isn't working for me tonight. He is a beautiful child with or without eyelashes and eyebrows, but i don't want him to be picked on. I consider me and my husband good parents. But when I read about some people that started after some tragedy occured in there life- it makes me wonder? What have we done wrong to make him want to do this to himself? I guess this is the phase where we try to beat ourselves up about it? Thanks for the letting me comment- it sometimes helps to get the feelings out?
Thank you so much for this post. It feels great knowing that there are other trichs out there. I've been struggling with this compulsive disorder since I was between 4 or 6. I didn't realize that there was anything strange about it until later in elementary school. Now that I think about it, it's crazy that I started so young...I think it was primarily triggered by when one of my eyelashes fell out, and my mom told me to blow it off my finger and make a wish...Obviously, I don't believe that, but I'm pretty sure that's what started it for me...
I have other OCD issues, too...just random things like blowing softly on my hands or arms, or having to have everything on the left side of my body feel equal to the right side.
Anyway, thanks so much for taking the time to write this...It means a lot :)
Oh, to follow that up, it's mostly with my eyelashes & eyebrows. I've never really gotten along with my family, so that never helped much. Once I went to a therapist, but I was relatively young, and I thought that the ideas they gave me weren't any help at all. For instance, I know it helps some people to put petroleum jelly on the spot to make it harder for them to pluck...However, I found that I enjoyed the "challenge" of this, and things got worse.
My friends would comment on my lack of lashes, to which I would respond things like "I rub my eyes because of allergies, and they fall out sometimes..." and I got no further questionings.
My parents would scold me for doing this, and they'd remind me not to, but this only made me frustrated that it was difficult for me to stop, and I would continue.
Using makeup has helped a lot in the past few years, tho...I'm currently 15, and while the plucking isn't as bad as it was 10 years ago, I'm still covering up patchy places with eyeshadow. I also blend in brown eyeliner with my eyebrows to make patches become less noticeable.
Again, thank you so much.
Hi, I'm Tiffany. I just came upon this site, ironically, doing a report on trich for my addictions class. When I was younger around grade5, I pulled my eyelashes to the extent that I never had any. I was never diagnosed, but through the research I've done I have diagnosed my self I guess you could say. I am 19 now and haven't totally pulled my eyelashes out in years. I do still have to occassional time where I would do 1 or 2 but the way I see it is, is it really worth it? Anyway just thought I would share, Good Luck to everybody else!
i suffer from this condition and i have so for 5 years. i pull out my eyelashes and for a time my eyebrows too. i could never find a way to stop. but i found a way that helped. i made a chart for a month everyday i did not pull my eyelashes out i put a cross. by doing this i managed to stop and let them all grow back in . but the condition is relentless, it never goes away so i am still trying.
I have been a puller for about 10 years...just recently I started keeping a calendar on my wall that keeps track of my pull-free days(just as Jessica talked about in her post)...it works wonders! Please give this technique a try! It's quick, simple, and effective! I have not pulled since I stuck that piece of paper on the wall (about 2 weeks now). I simply put a check-mark in each box everyday before bed. I believe trich is definitely psychological, and having a sense of control and a visible showing of accomplishment in taking back that control is extremely helpful.
Ugh! I'm fed up with pulling my eyebrows and eyelashes out! I look horrible right now, and I wear eyeliner everyday. I just told my dad about it for the second time, and he's not taking it seriously. It makes me want to cry. When I had told both my mom and dad a couple days ago, they brushed it off like it was nothing. They kept saying that I always think I have every disorder out there, because I had once said that I think I'm bipolar, or schizophrenic.
I go to therapy, and now I realize that I DON'T have either of those, but reading this, I realize that I DO have TTM. And, like I said earlier, my parents don't believe me. My dad calls it a "bad habit." Well, it's a VERY VERY bad habit for me. I can't stop, and my upper eyelids are almost completely bald. And the outer edges of my eyebrows. It's so embarrassing to talk about it, and when I do, they act like it's nothing.
When I do it, I'm most likely bored. That's it. I have been diagnosed with depression from a therapist, who I still see every two weeks. Once I get an eyelash or eyebrow hair out, I twirl it in my fingers to feel that vibrating feeling. When I get bored of that, I put them somewhere together, and when I'm done pulling out the hairs, I look at the pile and I think "that was all once in my eyelid/eyebrow..." and then I feel guilty.
I've told my boyfriend about it, and so far the only reaction I've gotten out of him was that he wouldn't judge me ever. So that makes me feel a little less embarrassed when/if I have to talk to him. I haven't the self control to stop. I'm not so sure I could use gloves (as someone stated one time) because I don't have gloves in the first place.
I'm SO glad I'm not alone, because I had always felt like I was weird, or that I was a freak. I felt like people noticed, but didn't REALLY know what was (or in this case, wasn't) there. I'm a little teary-eyed as I'm thinking about confronting my mom again about it. I have always been a little overweight, so I'm already thinking that I'm not the daughter she's always wanted. Plus, having an older brother (by two years) who's tan, skinny, and pretty much everything that I'll never be, also backs up that thought. I am also introverted, when he's not. So he has a much better relationship with my mom.
I think that people with TTM should put rubber bands on their wrists, and every time they notice themselves reaching to pull hairs, or picking the scalp or feet, they should snap that rubber band as many times as it takes to make the urge go away. Or, if it's the pain from pulling the hairs that makes the person want to pull, take the rubber band and snap it a couple times on the spot. Unless it's your eyelid. o_o; then don't do that. That would probably hurt too much. If it IS your eyelid, just rub your eye. If you're at school and you wear eye makeup, blink your eye really hard, and keep doing it until it goes away. I do that because I don't want to mess up my make up.
I started pulling my eyelashes in the 2nd grade, and was diagnosed with TTM shortly after that by my family physician. I am now almost 22 years old and have managed to almost completely cease pulling since my sophomore year in high school. I think my situation was a result of difficult family situation involving stress at home from my parents fighting all the time. When my parents eventually divorced, around my freshman year of high school, was when I started to recover. I think the decrease in stress really helped me. I've always found music as an outlet for my stress and rely on that to take me away from my TTM temptation.
I've heard over the years that certain food allergies can cause itching and the need to pull, which peanut butter was that for me when I was younger. Also, I was prescribed a blood pressure medication by my family physician in high school which he said had been known to help some people diagnosed with TTM. That made a huge difference. It lowered my BP quite a bit and I had to check it every day to make sure things were ok, but what a change that occurred for me. I didn't even think or have the temptation anymore. And now I don't need to take the medication anymore.
I know that sometimes I still struggle when I'm stressed or bored, and need to find an outlet or something to occupy my hands at all times. Sad, because I love to read and sometimes when I'm really into a book, my hands will find their way to my eyelashes. I just know that I have to be aware and focus on what I am doing. Will power seems to be the best help for me. I know that I'm stronger than this urge and can conquer it. And what beautiful eyelashes I have when they are all there!
Hi, my name is Alley. :) I also suffer from Trich.. It started when I was 12. I'm 14 now, soon to be 15. In 7th grade I pulled out tons of hair on my scalp, which left me with a tennis ball sized bald spot on the top of my head, and I pulled out all of my eyelashes. It was awful... I'm much better at controlling it now, so my hair and eyelashes are back. :D I just have some really short hairs at the top of my head, but I got a layered hair cut so it's okay.
I found that wearing waterproof mascara helps to not pull out your eyelashes because you don't want to mess it up and - it hurts when you try to pull! :( Not exactly good, but it helps you stop.
I use waterproof lashblast mascara. Try it. :]
I have never ever spoken to anyone about my problem before. I pull out my eyelashes and eyebrows, and have been doing so since I was 17 (im 23 now.) I cant believe how much it affects my life. It's so hard to not want people to look at your face, and no one will ever understand except fellow sufferers. It affects every decision I make. I watch everyone else grow and succeed in their lives and watch as mine passes me by. I feel like if I can't even control this, then I can't do anything. I know that sounds pretty dramatic, but my confidence would be one thousand times greater if I felt like a normal person. If you have confidence and believe in yourself, you can do anything, and right now, my confidence and belief is incredibly low.
A few weeks ago, my eyelashes started to grow back, and I thought, maybe this is Finally over (which I wake up everyday hoping) but 4 days ago, I got nervous about my job situation and started to pull again, majorly. In 7 weeks, I am going home for Christmas, it takes 8 for eyelashes to grow back. I would give anything to go home feeling confident. This is my first time admitting to someone that I have this problem. Even though I dont know any of you in person, maybe it will slightly help. Just knowing that I'm not along helps soo much, because even though there are so many great people in my life, I still feel alone in my secret world of trich.
I realize this was written a while ago...but I just recently found it and am hoping you still update. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts on trich. I've had trich since i was 15 - i'm now 24 and the longest period i've ever gone without pulling was 9 months (what i wouldn't give to go back to that). I pull my scalp hair, eyebrows, and occassionally the bottom eyelashes. Been to counseling, had hairpieces, and YES the disappointed reaction from parents seems inevitable and repulsive to me.
I wondered if anyone else has had this issue, but my trich seems to interfere indirectly with my romantic relationships. It makes me very insecure about myself and that insecurity runs over into my relationship, making me paranoid about whether or not he really loves me (as with trich, many times i wonder HOW he can love a girl with short, thin hair when he sees all the women with luscious, long hair everywhere else...I worry more about this than about their sexy bodies...distorted, i know).
If this site is still active, i should very much like to participate. I'm from Texas, USA.
Hi everyone! Thank you all so much for your support, comments, and personal stories about trich. The way this website, HubPages, works is as a collection of individual pages about all sorts of topics. If you're looking for a community of people with trich, or other informational websites, I will post some links to check out that you may find helpful. Thanks again for all your comments!
PopcornSalt says:
13 months ago
One of my brothers is mentally handicapped and has some autistic issues as well. We can tell when he's really upset because he pulls out his hair. It's given him a odd bald spot on his head. It didn't start until he was probably thirty or forty. It's hard to watch him hurt himself like that and impossible to get him to stop.
I hope you can find a way to stop that doesn't involve Cheez-its!
PopcornSalt