True Definition of a Single Mom
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True Definition of a Single Mom
My intent in writing this blog is not to upset anyone, especially, a Single Mama. Everyone is different and has their own situation. I understand and respect that. It just bugs me when women think they are a Single Mama when someone else is taking care of them and/or their child while they sit around surfing the web and watchin' soaps.
The most common description of a single mom is a woman who has been left by the father of her child to raise their child(ren) alone but it is not that simple. Depending on who you speak with the definition of a single mom will vary; thus, the concept becomes more complex and debatable. For example, some woman who live at home with their parents or other family members consider themselves a single parent. Woman who have a new significant other living in the same home believe they are single mom's, too. Another example is a woman who still lives with the father of her child, but feels as though she is a single mom. This woman can even be married or engaged. So you see it's not as simple as it first sounds.
Personally, I believe that a woman who contributes more than 50% of the child raising responsibilities is considered a single mom. This belief is applied to woman who are in the following situations: 1) living with a family member 2) living with the father who does not support the child 3) woman who live with a man who does not consider the woman's child to be his, but they are living together and 4) the married woman. Yes, the married woman! The married woman who is unhappy in her relationship and the husband is distant.
As a woman, in general, we are nurturing and emotional. The majority of the time we are constantly multi-tasking and taking care of everyone but ourselves. Mothers support their children financially, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually more than the father. Just because the husband supplies a paycheck does not mean he is doing his part. Of course, if the husband and wife agree that she will stay home and he will work, then that is not what I am speaking about. As I described above, being a parent entails more than just providing a roof over the heads of the family members. It's about teaching their child, discipline, love, time and so much more.
As a single mom, if your parents are raising your child more than you are then you are not doing your job. There are exceptions just as there is with anything else. Extenuating circumstances such as, a natural disaster or the loss of a loved one name only a few.I know there are many other hardships that occur in one's life. Legally, if the man and woman do not reside in the same household then the woman is considered a single parent. Some may even believe that if the woman is not married, then she is also considered single. Today, there are over ten million single mothers in the United States. Unfortunately, many children are growing up without guidance from the male model that they need in their life. The mother is left to complete the two-parent job by herself.
Do you feel like a single mom? Are you a single mom? Is your partner not contributing as much as he should? If so, what will you do to address the issue(s)?
Upcoming Blog: I will describe some of the steps to take when he leaves you to raise your kids alone.
© 2009 ZJM None of the work written here may be reproduced, distributed, performed, publicly displayed, or made into a derivative work without my permission.
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Comments
About half of the single moms receive child support. Alimony I can't find any actual numbers. But I did learn that alimony can be used as a tax deductible for the person that gives it and is taxable for the person receiving it. Child support does not work the same way as alimony, in that respect. The grocery store lady is correct- being a single parent is too common. And I agree with her Barack statement. I do not think that he would have been an acceptable candidate if he did not have a family with a stable marriage.
I commend you on your need to help other women in this situation - so many things out there that you have no knowledge of or indeed ever thought in your wildest dreams that you might ever need - I really was a single mum for 17 years raising two boys alone - my first husband went back to live in Sth. America and did not ever contribute to our finances (not even a property settlement) so if you get any and i repeat any financial help at all you are doing extremely well in my book!
Interesting points, but I have my daughter half of the time, have a separate home with clothes and belonging. Her mother and I attend parents evening and event for our daughter together, have a universal grounding policy. Would you consider her mother in that circumstance as a single mother?
Hi Ken,
If you and your daughter's mother are involved 50/50 then I would just call that "equal parenting." However, say that she had her 60% or even 51% of the time I would say that she is a single parent. The same goes for you! You have to consider all that she is doing while you are not there. Raising a child is mental, emotional, spiritual, physical and financial. Let's say that you are working day in and out to support your little girl and the mom is left to do the rest of the work, then I can understand that you are not able to be their as often as you like. Yet, the reality is her mother would feel like she is doing it alone. However, grateful she should still be that you are working and putting in effort.
Single Mama: gret hub! I support your efforts 100% as I know the challenges of single parenting - from a male perspective. I was a single parent with three kids before I was married but I was able to financially support them myself. I knew quite a few single mothers during that time and I can honestly say, from my viewpoint, that the single mother's situation was much tougher and they had to endure much more than I did.
I could only imagine the challenges a single mother faces without financial, emotional, or even spiritual support from the child's father. You have to be a mother, a father and everything in between to provide a balanced home..........and it's tough.
My hat is off to you and other single parents.
thanks for sharing.
thank you jxb! my son is like 2 kids in 1. moms that have more than 1 kid i give so much props to them. i know a few single mothers with 3/4 boys. i'm like wow...
I feel you, while I try to take nothing away from the single mom, especially the (great) ones that I know. There are many out there that are about nothing. They use their children as crutches. They continue to have children (by sperm donors) without any means of support, not financially, emotionally, educationally or otherwise. Those females (for lack of better terms) raise their children with the government and only keep them in the home so that they can continue to receive benefits from social services. I can't stand that mom. She usually gets high, has a filthy home, has an empty fridge right before the food stamps come and the children's clothing are stained! I really can not stand this type of single mom. I know of one personally. I also know of one single mother who suffers from lupus, diabetes and she has had two strokes. She attends college, her child needs for nothing, the house is clean and she supports her son with every fiber of her being hand he knows it. I also know of a single dad who is raising his daughter, It is sometimes unfair that a man has to fight a little bit harder to receive the same help that a female could get when it comes to, financial assistance from the government, to childcare and even respect. The struggle is totally different but just as hard if not harder. I give it up to the real single parents out there, God knows. I have my daughter's father in our lives but I could only imagine life without him. Knowing the woman that I am, I know that I would make it because I raised my little brother alone. Well I will not say alone because, my Father was and is still with me every step of the way. That is why I glorify His name daily. Sorry to keep rambling on, this topic is soo sticky. I just give it up to all the single parents on their grind! Singlemamawoc, you are great! KUDOS TO YOU.
adiciastar- true it is frustrating to see women (and men) have children when they do not even know how to be responsible for themselves. i'm not sure if single fathers have it harder or not, i will definitely look into that topic.
This is a pet peeve of mine...probably because I raised my children as what I deem a TRUE SINGLE PARENT.
"SIngle" has no reference pertaining to their ROMANTIC STATUS...so maybe we should refer to it as LONE or SOLO parent? ;O)
To ME, a TRUE SINGLE PARENT, is one who has the SOLE CUSTODY AND CARE of their child(ren) and not one who gets to have every or every other weekend free, or "shares parenting" with the other parent and gets rid of their kid for a week or two.
Here is a great summary. I get cards on Mother's Day AND Father's Day from my four children (who are now all adults.) Why? Because I, being a TRUE SINGLE PARENT, was their mother AND father. :)
Kudos to you all who do it alone! (and without bitterness!)
I had never considered the various degrees to which one could be called a single parent. I am the "classic" single parent where I live alone with my child. I am resposible for all of his needs. I do all this with no aid from parents or extended family. The only difference between your subject & my situation, I am A Single Dad. Check my hub on the subject of life as single dad.
Holy cow I cannot believe this. A single mom is "single" on her OWN raising a child or the children without a husband, boyfriend, significant other or any family help. I am this person. Until you truly experience "single motherhood" you do not and can not call yourself a single mother. Sorry
@queenbe you cannot believe what?
I like that you see single parenthood as a continuum. My husband works out of state and pays our bills, but we hardly ever see him. So I change all the diapers, do all the parenting, cooking, cleaning, I make all the day to day decisions, I do everything but pay the bills. I have long hated how the traditional "single moms" get put on such a pedestal while I get no recognition whatsoever for doing all the same things. And the traditional "single mom" typically has one or two children, whereas I have four under the age of five! Traditional single moms out there: yes, I respect that you have more direct claim to the title. But give us "virtually" single moms some credit too!
I am with you- I did not get child support on a regular basis- and have raised my kids with minimal aisstance from family. I have friends who get help from every direction- I am not sure we can relate- they lack for nothing and those that live with family have opportunity to get a break and have nights out
countrywomen says:
11 months ago
OMG!! 10 Million single mothers. How many of them get alimony and child support? I go to our nearest grocery store and the lady their is an African American woman who is also a single mom. I was very concerned about her and she told me it is not so uncommon. I was shocked and mentioned about Obama then she said because he is a politician he can't afford not to have a family image. Now forgive me for asking this since I never looked at singe mom from a race point of view but is their any truth in it?