Trying To Keep The Faith 

Everything was easy for me when I was growing up. My family, although not rich, was well off and provided me a favorable upbringing. My father was a teacher and a coach, and from the day I can remember, that’s all I ever wanted to do. I was an exceptional athlete and attended college on scholarship with the intent of earning a degree in education and then become a teacher and a coach, like my father.

The college years were a very good time for me. I learned how to live on my own, manage time, be responsible and have fun. I earned my degree, but when I got out of college instead of going into coaching, I earned my real estate license and became a realtor. My family owned real estate and, from a financial standpoint, it seemed like the logical thing to do. With my parents to provide, and fall back on, while I got my feet wet in the real estate business, I gradually began to become a very successful realtor. As I furthered my knowledge in the real estate business, I began to acquire rental properties and become an investor. All this was capable because I had the backing of my father, who put all the faith in the world in my capabilities. We were very successful at what we were doing and times were good, so much so that we ventured into the construction business in the year 2001. That proved to be an exceptional choice, as the market was beginning to hit a boom period.

About that same time, I met what would become my future wife. I was 31 and she was 17. She was beautiful and full of energy and so much fun to be around. I think part of the reason she loved me so much was that I never put too much pressure on her and knew that any day she could change her mind and decide to go in a different direction. She was young and innocent and I knew the day may come that she wanted to venture out and see what life was all about. All through my twenties, I had been the life of the party and so I had seen enough to realize that her feelings may soon one day change. I had a 4 year old son from a previous relationship and she was absolutely fantastic with him. As time went on, I realized I was wrong and our relationship continued to strengthen. We dated for 5 years before deciding it was the right time to get married. After 2 years we finally had a child, a beautiful little girl, who to this day is the love of my life and each day gives me reason to smile.

Times were good, as we were making considerable money and enjoying life to the fullest. Then little by little the housing market began to crumble. We had enjoyed such success that I didn’t see any way possible the downturn in the housing market could affect us. We continued forward, as the market went backward. We finally realized the market was affecting us and turned our attention towards alternative means of producing, in an otherwise bad market. At this point, we were not the biggest player in the market, but we were by no means the smallest. This would be the last of “the best of times”.

In the middle of the downturn of the housing market, my father was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease. This was devastating to me, as my father was an icon in the coaching world and the most respected man I had ever met. I had a very hard time accepting this and wondered why God would allow this happen to such a wonderful man. My father, as he has always done, assured me that he did not feel God had been unfair to him and that he would fine. My mother, a pillar of strength for my family, was there to help him on a daily basis and see that he was happy and comfortable. I had to try and find peace with his answer, which I am still struggling to do today.

All the while the housing market continued to crumble and then one day the sub-prime housing market went away. When I say that, I mean it literally disappeared. No more sub-prime home sales whatsoever. This devastated our company, as we had 53 houses under contract to close on sub-prime loans. Financially times became much worse and when it was said and done, we lost everything we had. We lost our land, houses, financial stability, and most importantly my relationship with my wife. Apparently as the stress continued to build, I allowed it to take its toll and in turn took out much of my frustration on my wife, my best friend in the world. The stress was so overwhelming that I did not realize I was, little by little, losing the most important person in the world to me. Sure there were many times that the relationship was severely strained, but because of my anger and frustration with everything else happening in my life, I was blinded as to what was happening with my relationship with my wife. I never thought anything could come between us that would be powerful enough to separate us, which brings us to where we are today.

My wife has leased an apartment and is moving out in a week. It hurts severely to think that after being together for 10 years and raising a daughter, who is now 2 1/2, that I may be entering the most difficult time of my life. I struggle to understand how this has all snowballed in such a short amount of time, but I continue to try and keep my head up, although it continues to get more difficult. I look for the light at the end of the tunnel and pray that somehow, someway, God will find a way to correct all that has happened. A good friend told me that God has said he will never overload someone with more than they are capable of handling. I am beginning to wonder if that in fact is true. I have made it through to this point, but now am faced with the biggest loss of my life, I look back and wonder how I could not have seen this happening. I feel lost and am severely strained by the fact my daughter may have to grow up in a broken family. Every time I see her smile I want to cry, as I know the hurt this will cause her. She knows nothing but happiness and the thought of what is happening brings tears to my eyes.

I pray each night for better times, and will continue to do so. I apologize to God for not being aware enough to see my relationship unraveling before my eyes. I pray in the future I grow as a person and learn from this happening, but at this point it is difficult to have faith in much of anything. I’ll continue to get up each day and attempt to make the most of each day and continue to have my loving relationship with my daughter, but I know one day I will have to answer the question of what happened to Mommy and Daddy. Again I pray for the best and hope she is not yet old enough to understand the separation, but she is very intelligent and I am quite certain she will know. I am sad.