Not too long ago I stirred up some sh*t simply by writing a male-point-of-view response to a hub written by a lady here on the hub pages. In fact, you can find my entire history of responsive hubs in the hub mentioned above.

Still, strangely enough, a lot of you out there dig conflict and drama perhaps even more than my humor and I thought it might be interesting to do

MORE male-female back-n-forth type of hub again.

While I might not know everything about women and have written a hub admitting it, I am a the master debater. Still, being a spokesperson for the male gender it is more of a weighty responsibility, a duty, if you will. Recently I saw another hub by Isabella Snow. I read and actually generally agreed with it. It's called "5 Things A Woman Shouldn't Say On a Date".

So, I told myself: Self, you really should be fair here. Self, you need to be fair and praise and support women when they do something right! So here I am preparing to put a woman on a pedestal. (I just hope she's wearing a skirt in case she has a really cute BUT, I digress. . .)

NOTE:The female comments appear in italicized font and "quotes" and my point of view appear in normal font. (Also please note that I do not always correct the typos and spelling errors of others.)

Here we go again. MY response to "5 Things A Woman Shouldn't Say On a Date". Let's let the lady have the first word, shall we?

"Ladies, some of us talk too damned much."

Okay, I am with you so far! Go on . . .

"We tell Mr. Maybe things he doesn’t need to know until he becomes Mr. Probably."

Okay, so when your fellow females harp on honesty that means it only applies to those of us who have penises? You better explain.

"Maybe it’s genetic, I dunno. But whatever it is, it’s something that needs to be controlled during a first date."

Okay, that makes sense but then GUYS should have the same rights and your fellow Vajayjay Club members would not necessarily agree.

"I know, I know."

Good. Then you know what you're possibly getting into here. Please continue.

"It’s hard to keep track of everything once the butterflies start moving and the wine starts flowing."

Yeah, on dates with ME women find it hard to keep track of where they left their undergarments. Oops! I'm sorry; go on! What else do you have to tell the ladies out there?

"If you want to see Mr. Maybe a second time, you need to avoid the following conversation blunders."

And they are . . .?

"My Biological Clock is Ticking."

Uh oh!

"Even is this guy is Mr. Right, he doesn’t want to hear this on a first date."

No kidding!

"And there are 2 major reasons . . . One, it makes you sound desperate to have a baby. Two, it makes you sound desperate to have a child with any man who’ll have you."

Yup. Except with ME it would be okay because I am snipped so a woman

who is desperate to get knocked up would get ME a lot of action! I'd just let her think it was HER fault she wasn't getting pregnant!

"Neither is going to work in your favor – store this conversation for Mr. Probably."

Yeah, good idea. After all, not all guys have the guts to go under the knife anyway.

So what else should these women not say?

"My ex is a raging psycho who wants to kill me."

Yeah, go on . . .

"Even if this is true, don’t share this on the first date. Mr. Maybe might turn out to be the knight who slays your dragon, but that’s too much information for him to process on a first date."

it's not too much information, cutie, it's GREAT news because I will look so much better in comparison!

On the other hand, don't think for a minute that I am gonna help you clean up YOUR mess! "Bitch, please!" That's what you GET for liking those bad boys!

"He might be willing to champion you after he has time to fall in love with you –

Champion you? Hey, NOW you're losing me. It's 2009. Equal rights. Why don't YOU come to MY rescue! After all, a lot of guys LIKE a chick in super-hero spandex . . . just ask Mighty Mom!

". . . but no one in their right mind is going to toss themselves into soap opera like that for a stranger."

You're right. I have enough soap opera in my OWN life. The only OTHER soap operas I appear in are

those in which I get a check to appear in, ya know? So what else should chicks not ask on a first date?

"How much money do you make?"

How much money do YOU make, honey? (It IS 2009, ya know?) Do you really have to explain that to women nowadays?

"I’d like to think I don’t need to explain this one, but I actually know women who’ve asked this on a first date. Let me put it simply – ask him about his salary and he will label you a gold digger. And it will be very hard to get that notion out his head once it’s in there."

No kidding! I NEVER ask women what they make and I almost had myself a millionairess. So ya gotta figure there is something to be said for not being RUDE.

"It’s just rude to ask!"

Yes, it is! i totally agree, Izzy. What else do you tell the girls NOT to ask?

"How many sexual partners have you had?"

You are so right with this one. it's a no-win situation. If i tell you how many women have succumbed to my sweet, young, innocent, nice white-boy self then you think I'm a slut if I LIE and give you a low number then you think i can't get any "hoo-hoo"!

So what do you have to say about that, my little snow flake?

"This question sometimes comes up during the course of flirtation. Men tend to not ask this one, because they rarely like the answer, no matter what it is."

Personally, I have NO problem with the answer providing the number is REASONABLE, okay? Y'all should be able to count your lovers without taking off your shoes, okay? I mean if you used to stand on the corner to pay your way through college or something then that's different. . . anyway, please continue. . .

"I’ve known a number of women who felt compelled to ask in hopes of determining whether or not the man was relationship-minded or just a male slut."

Wait! Hold on, missy, you lost me there. What was that terminology? Women want to find out if the guy is WHAT-minded? Re--rela . . . real late minded? What? Never mind just finish what you were sayin' there, darlin'.

"Don’t ask this question! You will probably make your date uncomfortable, and it’s unlikely you will like the answer, anyway!"

There ya go! Anything else they shouldn't say on a first date?

"I’m great in bed."

Honey. I thought you were cute since the first time i saw your picture but we're tryin' to educate the ignorant. We can flirt later! So let's move on now. WHAT ELSE should they not say on a date?

"I’m great in bed."

Darlin' I would be mighty proud an' willin' t' help you prove that but let's get back to the girls for now, okay? WHAT ELSE should they not say on a date?

"I’m great in bed."

What? Oh, wait! oh, hell, I thought you were flirting with me, snowy. damn! Fine. Go on . . .

"Keep it to yourself."

WHY?

"Why? Because, if Mr. Maybe knows

he doesn’t want to date you, he’ll probably still try to get into your pants if you claim something like that."

Well, sure! After all, any port in a storm! Besides, you're slightly confused here. Dating equals f*cking! So if he doesn't want to "date" you then he doesn't want to F*CK you.

But that's besides the point. What is more important is that she might just truly BE really great in bed. Who'd want to miss out on that? What else are you telling these women?

"Realize he probably won’t be calling you the next day."

Hell, girl, if you do your job right in bed I won't be calling you the next day 'cause I'll still be passed out IN your bed the next day! besides, guys have a rule. You wait three days.

Snowy, you really should read my hubs! ALL women should! But anyway, please, continue.

"If you’re not in the market for a one-night-stand, save this information for a future date."

If you really ARE great in bed then I am gonna want more than a one-night stand. If NOT, you are only delaying the inevitable. So how about wrapping it up, Izzie. my lady-friend is getting cold. Tell those ladies what's what.

There are other things we shouldn’t say, as well, but these are the ones I hear abused most often. Don’t add yourself to the long list of women who regret having said these things! If you need ideas for good dating conversation, see my next article."

Better yet, ladies, y'all could just read my hubs or talk to me. get it right from the horse's mouth . . . or maybe the jackass's . . . as my lady-friend might say.

My name is Phoenix and that's the bottom line.