So you as a woman want to understand men and how their minds work?

First step: Burn your copy of "Cinderella". Prince Charming is pure fiction.

Yes, there are nice guys who treat their women with courtesy and thoughtfulness. There are men who do remember their sweethearts' birthdays. But there's a large contingent of males who leave women frustrated and driven to that very bad word: Nagging.

The woman who wants to understand her guy needs to keep some basic principles in mind:

1. Men's computers are configured differently from women's computers. Men grasp numbers, statistics, batting averages, stock market figures, the horsepower of fast cars, the specs for building something, the number of games that the New York Yankees are away from being number one in their division. They also respond to eyesight: how does she look physically? How does she walk? What are her proportions physically?

2. Women love romantic words, thoughtful acts such as unexpected flowers or being brought a cup of coffee and given a neck massage. Women love a guy who makes them feel protected (but not smothered). Women always look for that "undertone" in something the man says. A frequent question women  ask is "What did you mean by that?" And the guy probably says, "Nothing. Why do you ask?"

3. Now that we've oversimplified the differences between men and women, there's an important decision. Stop trying to make him into a sensitive female. If he's a sensitive guy on his own (and those guys do exist), then you are triply blessed. Thank God and treat this guy with all kinds of respect and pampering.

4. Men used to be little boys. Some of them never got over it or some of them reached 14 and stopped growing. But at any rate, boys are taught competition and how good it is to win a contest--a baseball game, a bike race, the strongest muscles. The competition is with other males, not with females. This is a basic concept in understanding men. Applaud him when he wins; approach sensitively when he loses but always be supportive and encouraging.

5. Men cannot read women's minds. When he says, "What's the matter?" and the woman says, "Nothing" , he takes that as a literal answer. (The woman HOPES he will press on, trying to get her to confess how he hurt her feelings.) A guy figures, "Why borrow trouble? If there's something wrong, she'll tell me."

6. Men are compelled (unless they have learned better) to give an honest answer to the question: "How do I look in this dress? Does it make me look fat?" If you're a woman with this question, rephrase it to say," Do you like how I look in this dress? Tell me that I look nice." Tell him what you want him to say. He'll take the advice and respond appropriately.

7. Men can quote the final stats of an NFL game played in 1992 but they have trouble remembering to buy gifts for Christmas, anniversaries, a wife's birthday, and the kids' birthdays. Deal with it. Put memos up on the refrigerator or his shaving mirror. Make a "suggested gift list" and leave it where he can pick it up and use it for a shopping trip. Don't wait until the Night Before to make these notes. Start about a month ahead of time.

8. A man is more likely to show he cares for a woman through the things that he DOES, not necessarily the words that he SAYS. He may not know how to quote Robert Browning in saying, "How do I love thee? Let me count the ways." but he may take the family car for a thorough check-up before the wife takes the kids for a weekend trip to Grandma's.

9. A man enjoys being told that he's doing a good job of taking care of the family. A man who loses his job (company downsizing, company bankruptcy) feels emotionally naked. He needs at that time especially to know that the woman in his life admires him, needs him, supports him and doesn't think any less of him. Even when economic times are good, a smart woman makes a point to tell her guy how much she appreciates him. "Thank you" are two of the most important words in a relationship with a man.

10. A man's self-image is crucial to his ability to stand tall. A smart woman will not criticize her husband (significant other, etc.) in front of other people, to his embarrassment. (That rule goes both ways, but we're talking here about understanding men.)

11. A man's relationship with his mom can have a heavy effect on the success of his relationship with a girlfriend or wife. If the mom still holds him by the umbilical cord and won't let go, the girlfriend or wife cannot compete. That cord is tighter than steel cable. On the other hand, if the man is mature enough to love and respect his mom but acknowledge that as an adult, he has new responsibilities to a girlfriend/wife, then mom will not be a homewrecker.  However, when the man says, "Can you make this like my mom made it?", swallow your pride (or outrage), and say, "I'll give it my best try." Mom's cooking (if it was good) leaves an indelible mark on a man.

12. If you're a woman in a live-in relationship and you want to move things toward a wedding---but he's not moving that way---you need to understand an ages-old concept that may be at work here: Why buy the cow when the milk and butter are free? If you as the woman are not interested in a marriage license, then there's no problem. But usually it's the female who wants to get "things settled". Your best bet (only a personal opinion) is to maintain separate housing and wait until he decides he'd like to see you every morning without making a phone call.

13. Write this down as one of the dumbest questions a woman can ask a man: What are you thinking?  She hopes he will say something romantic, such as "I was just thinking about how beautiful you are." That is usually not the case. He may instead be pondering, "When will Brett retire from the Minnesota Vikings" but he doesn't want to tell you that. So you're best bet is not to ask the question.

14. The woman who wants to "understand her man" must know that timing is everything. When he walks in the door after a hard day's work, he's not ready to hear about the clogged plumbing, the rattle in the car's engine, and the latest wreckage caused by the kids. He needs time to unwind (women need it, too, but women don't usually don't get the privilege of a "cool-down" period).

15. Men like to know that the women in their lives are not frozen. When the rule has become: Every Thursday night at 10 pm for 30 minutes, and that breaking that rule will bring an annoyed response from the female, men think about looking elsewhere. (They may actually stay true and faithful, but they can think about some variety.) When the woman gives unexpected expressions such as a hug or nibbling on the earlobe or brief touches in key locations, the man is pleased, thinking, "I've still got it." And there's nothing wrong with that thought.

16. Men love sports and they won't stop loving sports because the women in their lives DON'T love sports. Women don't have to become sports experts (men would rather maintain that ranking) but they can find some quality time with their guys by sharing sports in some ways. NOTE: This will involve knowing WHEN to ask a question and when to stay silent while watching a game.

One of the reasons that women have trouble understanding the men in their marriages or significant relationships is: During the dating period, the women looked at their men as they wanted them to be after renovations and alterations. The safest policy for a woman is: What you see is what you get. Love him for who he is, not for his potential as a Prince Charming.