One part of my life long code of conduct is "love thy neighbor." I have always had a gift of patience and understanding which served me well for 10 years in the customer service industry. I never took things personally, everyone left my office happy regardless of their mood when they came in, and I slept well every night.

One day, though, I was tested and I failed. But I only failed once and learned the lesson. That was 15 years ago!

I managed the optical area of an optometrist's office back then. I had been there a while and all the "regular" patients knew me and were very kind to me, brought me cookies and salsa and wedding gifts and such.

One day I called one of my usual customers to report a delivery date for her glasses. She started SCREAMING because her glasses weren't done. They weren't supposed to be done yet... they were a specialty item and she already knew they would take some time. I was excited to have a delivery date and happy to be able to call her so I was wide open for the knife in the chest.

Now I have been yelled at a lot and much worse than what she did. But it was the sneak attack that got me. I wasn't prepared. I hung up the phone and said, "That bitch!"

Not a proud moment. I was the sweet kid in there at the time and a role model for the staff. You have to understand that I truly was really good with people and what drove me was making people happy, period. I was treated badly every day by folks who needed someone to kick. But they always left happy and that was my rush. Suddenly, though, in that moment, I was exhausted from years of smiling when my feelings were hurt and consoling people who behaved like spoiled children. I lost it. I'm human.

Later that day she walked in! I didn't know what to do. My patients always hugged me when they came in and I didn't know how to greet someone warmly (I was still the professional and it was my job to make customers comfortable) and prepare for confrontation at the same time.

The Woman took both of my hands into her hands across the counter and hugged them. "Will you come sit down with me for a minute."

"Of course." Thoroughly confused at this point.

"When you called earlier I had just gotten off the phone with Uof M hospital. My cancer has spread and I was notifying them that I would not be proceeding with surgery."

I just looked at her. All I could think of was that she had just hours earlier made the decision to let the cancer take her life and she was worried about having hurt MY feelings. I couldn't wrap my brain around it. She continued by telling me that it is no excuse for the ugly things she said but she just wanted me to know that I caught her at an extremely bad time and that it had nothing to do with me.

WOW, right?

What I ask everyone to take from this is the knowledge and understanding that everybody has "something" going on. You never know what is going on in someone's mind when they do or say something you find offensive or inappropriate.

Whether or not it is a personal attack against you, assume it's not and move on. Letting go of the negativity feels better for you and chances are the offenses committed unto you were fueled by some suffering of his own. Give him a break and move on.

A couple years later I heard Stephen Covey's story about the guy and his unruly kids on the subway. The kids were loud and disturbing everyone, including Stephen, while the father sat quiet doing nothing to control them. Slightly irritated, Stephen asked the dad if he could use some help settling the kids and the dad apologized and explained to him that they were just coming from the hospital where his wife had just died. He was beside himself and trying to figure out how to explain to the kids that their mother was gone.

Holy crap! That sudden change in thinking you had from judging the dad for not controllin his kids to love and compassion for them was called a paradigm shift, Stephen said. That's fancy for attitide change, I think.

I immediately thought of my lady with the cancer and overdue glasses and continue to think of her, as well as the dad on the train, when I find myself faced with a challenging person or situation. I don't have to give in or allow myself to be walked on, but I can choose to treat everyone I meet with dignity and kindness, even as I am showing them out the door if have to.

If you have never had such a life lesson experience yourself, feel free to use mine to refer to when challenged by the hostility of someone else. We can never have too many reasons for being kind to one another.