Tequila: Upside down in the closet

I don't get drunk much. As a matter of fact, I can count on eight fingers the amount of times i've been drunk. They were all remarkable experiences, and I often share them with people who find most of them funny.

This particular experience was influence by my coworkers. See I use to tell them I can outdrink them anyday- you know the regular workplace banter. We have been out for drinks, but never got into anything heavy; a few beers and that's it. I'm not a beer drinker though, and the whole thing taste like sugar water to me so I can never feel drunk drinking beer alone.

Six of the guys challenged me to a drinking contest one Wednesday, but the location they told me, I just couldn't find it which actually gave me more bragging rights instead of them (I just said they were afraid so they gave me bad directions!).

They- there were two this time- decided to challenge me again to a drink off session, and it was Friday, so obviously happy hour after work. The place this time was No Frills Grill all the way down Matlock road in Mansfield, TX. Incidentally, this is about three minutes drive from their place of rest, and twenty minutes from mine- nothing malicious and intentional in that i'm sure!

I arrive there and they were already a shiner up. They invited the wives to pop along later- again i'm sure them thinking of a designated driver for all but me wasn't planned!

I ordered the first round of beers. Michelob gay(light). Then the rounds began, Jamaican Red Stripe, Shiner Boc, longhorn( v. tasty for a beer i might add!), and probably every beer they had in the restaurant.

Nothing!

I felt nothing after 7 rounds, and their eyes were getting smaller and smaller; dimmer and dimmer. To be fair, Rick was actually taking shots of Goldschlager(yummy).

So I upped the ante; I mentioned Jamaican Rum, but they didn't have any there- boths guys did say they would not have had any in the case of there being some stash there. They are afraid of the stuff!

We began with shots of Jager; then Goldschlager; then a few more experiments. It was two hours in and I still hadn't moved to take a bathroom break! One of them had gone maybe six or seven times in that period! The wives came, had a few shots with us, and then they left saying they would be back for their husbands. Poor single me!

Three hours into the episode of drinking I was getting bored; both guys began slurring although Rick is the best drinker I have ever met (I'll have more stories about our "adventures" in other articles). I began mouthing them off saying they were worthless drinkers and I don't know how they could get drunk off these spring water. One guy took offense to it, so he ordered two shots of Maker's Mark whiskey which i duly gulped down and stood steady.

Rick though, he had something up his sleeve. See I have had tequila before, right? I have had many of them worm burners! But slick Rick had something up his sleeve!

Rick called the waitress over, and whisper to her and she was like, yep, we've got that! He then proceed to tell me that this is the more expensive tequila but still good. BRING IT ON! I had said.

This was a brand called 1800 Gold which I wasn't too familiar with at the time. I had four shots on top of all the things I had that evening and I was still standing! I was able to mouth them off still! Rick looked calm though and I was wondering how I couldn't get to him.

So after four hours of being in this place, we went home... the wives never came back, so they got in their ride and drove three minutes home.

I got in my truck, and i felt great!! Really great! I was ready for the world.

I drove up Matlock all twenty minutes back home. Still good, but having that feeling when you know you are tipsy. I usually have the remedy for that feeling- a hot cup of tea!

I parked in my designated spot, opened the door, got in, put some water in the kettle, turn on the stove, and check the time. 9:37. I went to the coat closet at the bottom of the steps leading to my bed room to hang up my jacket(it was late february).

I kid you not. I woke up 3:15 a.m. UPSIDE DOWN IN MY CLOSET. I don't mean in an exaggerated bit.. I mean LITERALLY upside down. My head were on my shoe, and my feet were at the top of the closet brushing on the hangars.

I wouldn't have gotten up as a matter a fact, except I heard this weird penetrating squealing in my head. I looked and saw the steps and wondered what the heck was happening.

I had no idea what had taken place. And what was that darn noise???

I flipped over- taking my time- then settled the spinning of the room. I walked into the kitchen, and there it was...

The water had boiled out of my kettle pot, and it was crying for dear life as the bottom is now black and burned to unusability!

I calmly turned of the stove, looked at the pot for a while, then noticed that my front door was still open! I calmly walked up to it, pulled the keys out, and closed the door. Then I noticed that my jacket- the same jacket I took off to put in the closet, was on top of the ceiling fan. How did that get there?

One will never know!

I spent about thirty minutes composing myself, then I walked upstairs, powered on my computer and composed and email to both of my coworkers.

I had to confess.

I told them what did it.

1800 tequila. It creeps up on you... badly! Anyone ever experienced that with a drink? I mean you feel great then all of a sudden you feel like you received a punch from Mike Tyson when he was in his prime!

I said I would never do that again!

I meant it too! I went out the next day and bought a bottle of 1800 tequila gold to build up my tolerance.

What happened will never happen again!