Have you ever tried to find disposable vacuum cleaner bags in your local supermarket or hardware store? If you do find them, then try and match your obscure model to the limited range bags on the rack.

So what's the alternative? You could buy a new machine and maybe go for a bagless model? The trouble is with bagless machines they are so messy to empty. But there is a simple alternative - Buy your disposable vacuum cleaner bags online.

Some things are great to buy online and some things aren’t. Replaceable vacuum cleaner bags are ideal for online shopping. Here's why:

• They are very light so shipping costs are minimal and in some cases free
• Their value relatively low – (You may not want to risk buying high value items such as expensive jewelry on line!)

• They are so difficult to locate in traditional stores
• Even if you find them, sorting out the right model is a nightmare
• The websites are optimised for vacuum bags so it is relatively easy to match the machine and model number to the right bags

Vacuum cleaners are a little like sheep; innocent contraptions that make some people smile and think of sex.

Like US mother-of-three Joanne Drysdale who invented a sex toy that connects to a vacuum cleaner.

The 49-year-old former toolmaker (I kid you not - this was apparently her trade!) was cleaning her carpets when she came up with the idea for the Vortex.

At the time Joanne, from Utah, had apparently not had sex for 15 years following her divorce.

Joanne is reported to have said, "After several hours, I came up with the prototype." What she did during those several hours is best not thought about.

"The first time I tried it I reached an orgasm within 10 seconds. That was when I knew I was on to something that could potentially bring pleasure to all women."

This surprises me. We men have been led to understand reaching an orgasm in 10 seconds is a BAD thing. What about foreplay?

Apparently the Vortex causes the clitoris (is this word allowed by Google?) to vibrate and flutter in a motion similar to a saxophone reed. For some reason that I can't fathom, this reminds me of the old Beach Boys classic 'Good Vibrations'

Incidentally, if you find your wife has a couple of new vacuum cleaner attachments (coloured mauve) then be warned - she has probably purchased the Vortex and you have a mains-driven rival for your affections!

So may be your vacuum cleaner remains pure and celebate and simply cleans the carpets? Perhaps it gets a little dirty and probes dark corners using a crevice tool?

Or is it really naughty and offers you more intimate personal services?

So whatever your relationship with your vacuum cleaner is, whether romance, sex or strictly cleaning only, you still need to locate those 'hard to find' replaceable vacuum cleaner bags.

So get online and find those disposable bags right now!