WANTED: Man with a brain, good sense of humor, sexual prowess and good looks. Apply here.
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Requirement 1: Ability to make light-hearted banter
A good sense of humor is probably more important than anything else. You need to be able to laugh at yourself and know the times when it's not a good idea to laugh at me. After a hard day at work, I need to chillax and be entertained. You would need to be up to date with different stand-up comedy routines and funny anecdotes to regail me with while I sip a chilled wine you have brought me.
Should you be required to make a good impression and entertain my friends with jokes and funny stories, you must be confident enough to do so and not hide behind the couch overcome with shyness. You also need to know when I want to have the centre-stage and you have to back off at those times and become my sidekick.
Requirement 2: Intelligent Conversation
There is nothing more irritating than a boring dull man. You need to know what's happening in the world and be able to indulge me and discuss current events. I have many varied interests which I enjoy chatting about, so you'll have to be knowledgeable about many different subjects. I have been known to speak my mind and enter into heated discussions. You'd need to be able to keep up with me without being patronising and condescending.
Requirement 3: Kind and compassionate
Macho without being mean. You have to love animals and treat them nicely. I love dogs but hate them to be inside the house. It would be even better if you hate cats as I am allergic to them. You have to be good with children and have patience with my stroppy teenager. And even more patience with me when my stroppy teenager makes me see red.
It's important that you know how to run a nice relaxing bath for me when I've had an ultra-stressful day. You may on occasion receive the honour of washing me and scrubbing my back. At this stage I am able to cut my own toe-nails but that might change in a year.
Requirement 4: Handy around the house
I hate housework, but I do love cooking. You have to be a great handyman and preferably do your household chores with your shirt off. Ogling your bod will help to keep me calm and relax after a stressful day. Washing dishes will be your chore, and fixing things around the lawn. I might let you mow the lawn from time to time, but actually I do like to do that as I can get a great tan at the same time.
If I've had a hard day at work, you have to be able to cook. On a weekend, I like to eat BBQ. You must know your wines and be able to serve me a good wine every night. You need to know how to iron as I never mastered that. When I iron there are more creases in the item afterwards than there were before.
Requirement 5: Sexual beast
I have to be honest, I prefer the real thing to a dildo. You have to possess the real thing. The bulge in your pants must be real and not your next-door neighbour's rolled up socks you stole off his washing line.
I have a high sex drive. You have to be able to keep up with me without using Viagra. I like variety and creativity. I don't accept "I have a head-ache" as an excuse. I enjoy being visited by the four o'clock phantom in the early hours of the morning. I want an animal, not a wimpy pussy cat.
I enjoy having orgasms and you need to know exactly what will pleasure me. My pleasure should be your pleasure. You need to be able to bring out the beast in you in the bedroom. However, if I am tired and have a head-ache, you need to leave me alone and not attempt to try and make me feel better by offering me sex.
Requirement 6: Must be easy on the eye
You don't have to be outstandingly hot, but you have to be easy on the eye. Your bulge in your trousers has to be noticeable. You need to enjoy not wearing a shirt so that I can feast my eyes at will. I do like a buffed body with well-developed biceps and a cute bum. Sometimes I can't restrain myself and I might grope you. You have to pretend to enjoy it even if you don't.
I have this theory about paunches. It goes like this. All a man's skin is pulled up into holding the paunch in place. This means that there is no skin left to make a decent-sized penis. Ergo, men with a large paunch has a small penis. When I lived in New Zealand I studied this phenomena and found it to be true. They say that a man's erect penis is three times the size of his thumb. I shall be looking at your thumb when I shake your hand.
I love watching sports so you would have to be a little sporty as well.
Requirement 7: Must know when to lie
You have to know when to lie and when not to lie. If I ask you something about you, the truth is advisable. If I ask you if the jeans make my butt look big, then it is advisable to lie. Unless, I look so bad that I'd be the laughing stock. Then it would be to your detriment to lie. I would blame you. You do not want to go down that route.
If I gossiped to you about someone at work, and somebody asks you if you know anything, you have to feign ignorance of the matter and lie.
Requirement 8: Must know when I need my space
There are times when I need my space. At those times you have to keep your distance and not hover around me like a buzzing fly around a pile of fresh dog turd. Don't you dare ask me what's the matter. If you needed to know, I'd tell you. If it had anything to do with you, I would have let you have it ages before.
I like to read. I hate being interrupted when I'm reading. I like to write. Stay away from me when I'm writing and don't try and talk to me about the insignificant little things that filled up your day. Unless it's useful for my book, then don't bore me with that crap.
When it's my period, don't upset me or irritate me in any way. Hell hath no fury than a woman irritated when it's her time of the month.
I love listening to music, but there's nothing worse than someone playing their music loudly when I'm trying to think or needing my space.
What I offer in return
I realise that a few of you might find my requirements a little demanding. I am not a demanding person, but a real softy. Unless you piss me off. Revenge is all mine says sweet Cindy Vine.
So, if you are intelligent, funny, sexy as all hell, handyman, hunky rather than chunky, slightly kinky but not quite a sexual deviant, sporty, knowledgeable and know how to treat a non-demanding woman like me, then apply here. In return I offer a beautiful mansion in Africa at the foot of a tall mountain covered in rainforests, herds of game a few kilometres away, a 4 x 4, and great holidays away a couple of times a year.
If this is you, apply here.
Wanting a book? Read some Cindy Vine!
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Comments
You are such an adorable nutcase. Hope you find a good applicant (or several. . .)!
Ok.. check, check, check, check, I'll hire somebody for the housework and I lie. Oh well, back to Craigslist
Cindy, put in the add: bring a friend for my friend, same qualities. I'm with ya gal!
Does such a man exist outside of fantasy? I suspect that you really need two or three specialists who all know their place, and are willing to stand back and let each other perform as and when necessary. Sounds good to me!
Well I think I meet many of these but, I'm taken. I love to cook and bake but, I dislike house cleaning. But, I also don't make a mess. My wife can attest to that. Oh and I know nothing about wine since I don't drink. I wish you good luck on your search. A good man or a good woman is often hard to find.
Wow when you find him ask him if he has a twin!! Love the mansion.
Ok... I admit it... I just came in to see if I can blackmail you to send me a copy of the applicants. After all I guess you can only choose one Specimen and what about all the poor rejected applicants, I could deal with their applications if you happen to be too busy :)
I promise not to forget to look at their thumbs!
Haha, thanks for the laugh. =) Good stuff! Loved the captions under the pix, too. "Just hate cats.."
She was writing about me, right cin, tell them... Good one hun.
We need to have a party, a big party, it would be so much fun!! Where and when???
Cindy dear, I am here. But it's broke and I'm married. My thumb is of nobody's biniz. It's big enough to fulfill. I am a handyman and would love yer mansion too. But I refuse to do dishes, I have a diswasher and I have a lawntractor that does wonders for my lawn too. I'm too fat. You are living a dream I surely hope will come true for you, I surely do. Oh, I'm not a good liar, I always laugh when I try. Especially when asked about butts. hahaha Nice read muh dear, 'twas fun, just like you!
Hey Tony, I'll be in Cape Town in June!
Teresa, you can come and help me test out the applicants!
NT, in Africa you'll always find someone you can hire to do the dishes.
Candie, we'll have to have an applicant party
Amanda, there're got to be some that exist somewhere on this planet!
Jim, pity you're taken
TP, maybe I should put in ad, must have a twin!
Princessa, looking at a man's thumbs is going to become your new hobby. Be honest now!
Ixxy, maybe you can send over GM. Cats give me such chronic hayfever!
MAD, we'll be on the same continent. You can come for a try out if you wish. I'll have to check out those thumbs first!
CC, you are the man of many women's dreams. A hunk, a cook and an artist, mmmmmm
Is there a name for that?
A name for what, Princessa? The phantom man?
ups, sorry, I mean a name for thumb fixation :)
Oh yes, well Princessa, Thumbelina would not be a good name. Maybe Gigantathumberlitis Syndrome?
oh come on... Gigantathumberlitis Syndrome sounds embarrasing, how could I confess my new hobby to my friends ...
I think I prefer the "Thumbelina Syndrome". And there you are, you just coined a new hobby/syndrome? doesn't matter, just send me a copy of the applicants :)
Okay Princessa, you are officially the Thumb Inspector, majoring in the Thumbelina Syndrome. Now, where are these men with their thumbs?
Oh boy oh boy, for a start these pictures, oh it has me a hungering, hahah. I am in on this one for sure woooo hoooooo. I can't wait to look over the applicants. Boy Cindy now this is a top quality Hub, mind you I have never seen anything less from you. Come on men start rolling in........leave your details.........WHERE ARE ALL THE REAL HOT BLOODED MEN STEP RIGHT UP AND SEE MISS DEVINE.
JIM YOU SOUND LOVELY BUT YOU ARE MARRIED LOOOOL DON'T MAKE US ALL JEALOUS.
COME ON MEN GET YOUR WEE BACKSIDES HERE NOW DAMN I AM GOING TO GO TWITTER THIS ONE, I WILL GET THE MEN ROLLING IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER.
Think the men are too scared to apply, BP. Maybe their thumbs just don't measure up?
I think they are at this very moment getting their hair done, checking their packages, going to the sports store to buy a prize football....maybe they are scared.....now a real man would not be scared to show us his face...come on men what are you waiting for?
Is a face what you're really looking for? I don't really do well on applications....I prefer an oral exam....followed by a strenuous physical exam.
woo hooo we have an application here....hey Blue I am looking up the book of assessment rules.....what you reckon Miss Devine.
You have nice fantasies Cindy.
she sure does i taught her everything she needs to know haha
Should have known!
LMAO jewels and you taught me.xoxox
You girls are still in Fantasies 101.....I teach an advanced class for those interested :-)
Do you remember back in the early 80's I think when the Superman cartoon franchise came out with Bizaro Superman? Bizaro Superman came from a world of exact opposites of everything, it was very weird and stuff.
So as I was reading your hub, I realized that I am like your Bizaro dream man. It's a rush, really, sort of like a power trip and a twighlight zone episode all in one. Thanks for enabling that.
(Great hub, btw. I lol'ed.)
How much you charge Blue
So Shades, I take it then that you don't wash dishes?
Blue, dream on baby
lolol I am such a handful a man would not know what to do with me
I hold classes too down in my dungeon
BP....I'm just looking for an understudy....Interested????
BP...I'm sure it would take a special man to keep up with you....lucky me.....hehehe
Sin Devine...I don't do dishes....voluntarily...but I love to cook.....and I give one helluva a great massage.......top of the head to the tip of your toes.....and everything in between!!!!!
Please send your cast offs my way. I'd be happy with about half of the above requirements.
What is a understudy is that like a student.?? Wow Cindy two contenders. How can you say no to a massage?
Wow another woman here looking for a man hi lafenty. Boy I can see the first HP hook-up stemming from this page
I am a man, and I would know what to do with a handful of you, BP. I mean, obviously doing so, or suggesting that it might be done, is totally inappropriate, so I clearly never would... suggest it I mean. The suggestion is the thing to avoid.
And, Cindy, not if I can help it. That's why I have teenagers. They don't stay at home forever (unless the stories about vengeful gods and stuff are true), so you have to enjoy them for what they bring into your life. If I were your man and we had no teenagers (after yours left) it would be all about paper plates and pizza. I would be willing to take the greasy pizza box out to the garbage can in the morning though, so, I suppose that counts.
Not just a massage....a great massage.....seriously!...and I do it all with my tongue!!!...JK...about the tongue....but it probably made you smile.
Shades, yeah, carrying greasy pizza boxes out might be enough. Do you have a cute bum for me to look at while you walk off to the trash can?
BP, me thinks Blue is clutching at straws. He's failed the dishwashing test and is now trying to offer a massage. A massage was not on my list of requirements.
Cindy:
LOL! *applause* Nicely said and I share your sentiments. It's about time a woman told it like it really is. Although...I'm not overly picky about buff bodies....it has to be appealing to me. If it's appealing to others, I'm usually forced to put stickers all over him that say, "Mine...touch and I'll lop your tits off."
You'd better reconcider before I offer my talents to the highest bidder. I'm not chopped liver you know.....and my bum is 180 degrees from my best asset.
Going once.....going twice.......
Lafenty, will definitely send off the cast offs
Blue, if I wanted to be licked from head to toe I'd buy a dog. Cheaper to feed and doesn't answer back.
Spryte, can give you a machete to lop some tits off. Hey, maybe we can build our own man that way!
Woof........grrrrrrrrrr.....Wooof
So Blue, which part is your best asset then? The backs of your knees, calves or achilles tendons? Because 180 degrees is a straight line. Mind you, could be the back of your head as well.
Damn I could say so much right now I am resisting my urges as alas this is Cindy's hook-up page, so I better behave myself LMAO in my urges and desires, damn if I were a man I would really go for this, a African mansion in a rainforest, woweee
I am an animal too Blue when I am not being a tiger ROARRRRR,I am a pussycat purrrrr.
Shade you know my likes lol you read my sex Hub LMAO
Well...as I'm now an official reject BP...I guess I'm free game!!!
cindyvine...as a sailor...I must tell you that 180 degrees is on the opposite side.....but I'm not going to spell it out for you.
"Cute bum" is subjective. I mean, if you picture a large ziplock bag filled with mayonaise and loosely tied round the middle with a piece of black twine moving away from you in a sultry sort of clippity-clop mule motion way, then yes, I'd say my ass is top notch and you may enjoy watching me retreat to the garbage can.
I loved it girl...and I must say some of those pics were hot!!! Isn't that every womans dream? Now if only Men could get their parts to vibrate as good as the dildos do and we would be in heaven!!!! I guess thats what their tongue is for anyways!!~ JJ
Ah Blue, as a maths teacher 180 degrees can be a straight line. Don't sulk now lol
Shades, ziplock bag with mayonaise sounds quite yummy!
JJ, we can getan electronic device inserted in their part that vibrates and moves up and down when we clap our hands!
OMG Cindy! I thought you were joking in the forum about your naked men pics! Guess not! lol thanks for the eye candy. Beckham...YUM :-p
Hey Janetta, I never joke about serious topics such as these.
Hey Janetta, I never joke about serious topics such as these.
These are perfect must haves in a relationship, what the heck was the pic with the mini man in his arms??? Nuts lololo :)
AEvans-- I was concerned about the man and the dog. Anyhoo, I came back to look at the pictures again..sigh.. I'll be back again later! Hugs!!
Ewwww, I had to go through all of those pics to get here! Funny how the quick scroll stopped on the towel lady. ;)
So, I'm good for a couple of your egotistical demands, maybe more. So what? If I like cooking, vacuuming, washing dishes and making beds (which I don't,) what the hell do I want you for?
If I'm half the hunk three of your hopes aspire to, I can pick up some trollop in any bar, coffee shop or library to let off steam with, and move on without the nagging and manipulations of a demanding and one way relationship which such as you apparently require entails.
So ya boo sux!
ps Nice to see Charlie back with us again.
Love, TOF
AE, all men are really babies.
Candie, you just coming back to feed off my scraps
Paper Moon, maybe you are fixated with the bath requirement.
TOF, yeah, but with me you'd be able to do all of that in an exotic destanation
Hey cv, I live in NZ, ain't that exotic enough? And they speak a form of English; AND my neighbour gives me a good haircut for zip!!
I lived in NZ for 6 years and there's nothing exotic about the place lol definitely not South Auckland!
I was talking of Godzone, not Samoa South.
lol TOF! I lurve your style!
Found any good prospects yet Cindy lol?
No, seems to not be many men around at all.
Hey Cindy... Great blog, once again! Men like you describe DO exist. Seriously! They do! I could even name one or two in sunny Nanjing (would you believe?!?)... Unfortunately, they're ALL blimin' married! : ( Grrrr!!! E x
That's always the bummer, Em, good ones are taken and if they're good, then their women hang on to them and don't give them up.
Great hub! And those pictures.... ;)
Got to brag here, my man fits every criteria except the hunk one but he's plenty sexy for me. Once you love someone, it's funny how the hunk criteria sometimes no longer applies.
You are sooo lucky KT! Hang on to him!
:) We're married, as of last August!
AHHHHHHHHHHH, just missed out then! Came so close!
That is so true isn't it what KT said. That has always been my motto too, even an average looking man if he has what it takes can be a god in our eyes. I once went out with this guy, I was never interested in him at first, I thought errkk, he is not much on the eyes, but then as I fell in love with him, somehow, he just kept getting better and better looking to me, til I couldn't take my eyes off him. Mind you we later split up.
Yeah BP, hey my ex skyped me last night, he's been commited to a looney bin for 2 weeks!
I meet a few of your criteria (well most actually) but I am taken. It would take a lot to move me out my comfort zone at present. Divorced once was enough.
Great hub LOL.
lol Sixty! Hey, are you in Cape Town?
Omg Cindy,,,,
I bet Sixty is a real catch for his wife. That guy has got so many lovely things about him.
Stuff all the conversation and handy work and running a bath shit. All you need to know is I can touch my nose with with my tongue, when do I start ; )
BP and I have to check you out first! She wants to shake your hand and measure your thumb! If you past the test, August is the start date!
Alas, Cindy, I would jump at the opportunity, but I am already branded as the property of Blondepoet.
Happy Days I will set sail around July for yer port. Trust me Poet can measure the thumb whilst I show you some of my party tricks. We have the bones in our skull & crossbones for a good reason ya know : )
Lol, and as Somalia is close to Tanzania, you'll be right at home with the pirates there aye!
Hahah oh the hand test is a must can you measure your hand from the bottom of your palm to the top of your middle finger BC and tell us what it is in inches
ohhhh Sufidreamer when do I move in.? Cindy won't mind on this as she wants her lover in Africa.
Maybe Bad can swing past Greece while he goes through the Suez, pick up Sufi, pop by Oz and pick up you BP on the way to Tanzania lol
7 and a half inches Poet lol : )
DeeVine I wud stop off no probs to pick them up, am fed up with all my male crew, getting to be a real pain in the butt ; )
Anyways lunch is over and BadCo must return to the helm. later DeeVine and Poet !!
Aye Bad, just don't drop your soap in the shower
Whenever you want, BP!
Sounds like the Captain's ship will be the source of much debauchery. I would like to apply for the position of Ship's Surgeon - I will even bring my own chainsaw.
Yep Sufi, we can do with a chainsaw on the ship in case you guys are attacked by the Somali pirates!
He can't drop the soap, he's washing me with it at the moment. I deff recommend him for your job ; )
I wouldn't worry about them - they are probably too busy doing the HubChallenge!
lol Sufi ROFLMAO you are probably right. They're probably doing the 100 hubs in 30 days!
Cabingirl, that's great news if he's washing you at the moment, then he's the man for the job!
....expect some real keyword soup articles. 'How to make $$$$$$ easily through piracy.' 'How to Hijack an Oil Tanker.'
Yeah, piracy rules here in China!
Hey Cindy, love the strict criteria you have for applicants. If you get too many, I'd like to be put on the list to help with the overflow!
You may have started a new business here. :)
No worries Shirl, we can always use a hand with checking them out.
Thanks Blondepoet, you are quite the match maker.
Cindy I really like the idea of you looking for a man here instead of those dating sites that probably make you settle for less than you want. Good luck you deserve it.
Thanks Jim, I'm just having a little fun, not really looking for a man lol But if one comes up...
Holy smoke 7 and half inches plus my lover Grecian Sufidreamer, ok I am in, boys yes come get me, I am ready to sail, have packed my bags, I am standing near the docks ready to go. I have packed lightly, mainly lap laps, I expect I shall be swinging through many a tree.Most importantly I have my body-paint, deodarant, jellybeans,suspenders and my teddy-bear called George.I am awaiting the sound of the horn.
lol BP, okay guys, she's ready! What the hell are you waiting for?
Cant hear any toot toots yet Cindy zzzzzz
BC has been at the home-made Rum again - we will have to pour lots of coffee down his neck before he is fit to sail.
Damn BC pull your finger out, lol, I could have been in my lover's arms by now. Oh Sufidreamer do anything you can to get him going, I am getting eaten by mosquitoes awaiting our rendezvous.
Sufidreamer I am sending you a manual by Express Post entitled "How To Drive A Pirate Ship."
Okay - I will try my best, although I have had rather too much Ouzo. Where are we going again?
LMAO Sufidreamer I have no idea either, except into thy arms of thy lover...perhaps a roof, a mountain, the backseat of a car..........
I also want some of that Ouzo ROFL.
Well....I got humor....I got one hair on my chest but it falls off every Xmas....I think it gets lonesome. I have a VISA card with $3.14 credit available. Can I borrow $2.00...cigarettes went up! It costs $5.14 for a pack. Big hugs! :)
Hey BP, all this wine, rum and ouzo, maybe we should stop off at Zanzibar and open our own bar on the beach?
Hi Tom, but how long are your thumbs?
It doesn't look like you have cable in your hut
BP - - the top of a mountain has me hooked!
Alas, I must go to sleep - Goodnight, All :)
Oh my the offers are starting to pour in now, the flood gates have opened, oh yes the thumb measurements are vital. LMAO Tom and GT. Cable can always be added, I have heard there are some good inventors over there in those tribes.
Sufidreamer the mountain it is then. Hopefully you will have studied the art of sailing by tomorrow. Gnite to you. My rendezvous was cut short by a bottle of Ouzo. ohhhh indeed.
GT, I will have DSTV which is a brilliant cable with over 80 different channels, football, rugby and even baseball and that American gridiron stuff and basketball, everything...
BP, did I mention to Sufi that every day I'll be able to look up at Kiliminjaro?
They're only 2 inches long but they weigh 45 pounds each! :)
Tom, I'm very very impressed that you took the time and trouble to measure and weigh your thumbs. That shows commitment and moves you to the head of the class.
Holy moses 45 pounds god Cindy that's pretty impressive. No you never told Sufi that, that might get him going a bit more, he is resting at the moment, he would want to be getting every bit of sleep he can to be able to keep up with me that's for sure Lol. I'm going to show him the turn,twist, wheel-barrow manoeuvre when he finally gets here
haha was just re-reading your story too Cindy, and I too cannot iron, I end up with 100000 creases or brown spots. I have never owned a iron and never intend to.Don't worry Suf i will use the steam that comes from my passion to iron out any wrinkles
What...you ladies never heard of Tom Thumb? "Happiness is a bottle of good wine and a fat thumb" by Dr. Ruth. :)
Sounds mighty dandy to me Tom, no don't know much about Tom Thumb, might need to attend classes.
He was only 3 feet tall but he could blow bubbles in your belly button. :)
I ain't sayin no more I already got shot down!!
Ah Blue, stop sulking! You just didn't tell us how you fulfilled the criteria and made up your own criteria which was not a requirement.
MMMM, bubbles in the belly button sounds kinda kinky and possibly nice
BP, hmmmmm night classes, I have a cunning idea!
Come on Blue we are listening lool.
Oh my bubbles in your belly button that sounds kind of hot I have to agree Cindy.
Night classes whatever it is I am in wooo hooooo.
You are going to lurve my new idea BP!
Oh I bet I will, have loved all your ideas so far....can't wait.
mmmm am just finding suitable pics, but these kids keep coming to ask me questions
From the base of my palm to the tip of my middle finger? - 63 inches, or do you mean the same hand?
As for that bloke who can lick the tip of his nose. So can a dog, and it also licks its' own backside, so what! My nose is far too long to lick, and I've never had that inclination either. However, I can breath through my ears!
(BTW, I'm a fully qualified, card carrying sextant using navigator, and my cell-phone has GPS) so I can get the good ship Lollipop well and truly, expertly lost. Non of this amateur confusion.
Okay Old Firm, welcome aboard,we need that sex thing
And The Old, Firm Thing?
lol yeah, definitely bring along the old firm, thing! BP always wanted to be a pole dancer!
What you mean wanted to be a pole dancer, BP is a pole dancer LMAO
And I thought that you were Latvian.
Well, she's a Latvian pole dancer like that Aussie woman who invented the Pavlova. The ballet dancing pole dancer one.
LOL at least my dear Ms Cindy you know what you want! And I sure hope you get it, er, him! :D
Must comeback for the comments!
lol Cris, and watch out for my follow up hub on this, due for release in the next 30 minutes!
"Well, she's a Latvian pole dancer like that Aussie woman who invented the Pavlova. The ballet dancing pole dancer one". love it - lol cv - just don't let TOF see that you have agreed with us that the inventor of the pavlova is indeed an aussi! and with all your rendevousing (?) and measuring and fighting with pirates and learning to drive boats August will be here before you know it! very funny - can't wait for the pole dancing idea to flourish!!! the mainsail pole thing could come in handy - I mean the mast - and if you get cold you could always whiz off a sail or two..
Ah, Bad Company has said that he can light a fire to keep us warm. Apparently, he has a hot touch.
was that a hot touch or torch?
Ajcor, lol, touch not torch. They say he just touches you and you get hot all over.
Sorry I was gone so long just got home from my pole dancing class, got somehow stuck up the top of the pole, don't worry the fire brigade came and was rescued by a turbo crane. Oh I love a man in uniform, he had the longest hose I have ever seen LMAO
Well BP, you got to get yourself ready for your next assignment. I have you co-tutoring one of my evening classes for men.
Hi Cindy Pretoria, well Centurion actually. I spent most of my life in JHB.
@ Blondie well serves you right. I thought only cats got stuck up poles! LOL
BTW I think old firm is a member of the Clitterati (Oops I mispelled that )!
Lol Sixty, ouch, think my ex-husband is now living in Centurion!
How's it going Cindy? Anyone with any potential show up?
Sob..sob...sob..., no Feline, all the goodies that showed are taken.
What's a place you like in Nanjing?
LMAO Sixty,purrrrrrrrrrr.
Oh heck I am back to square one again Cindy the ship has forgotten me, left in the lurch,damn, what is a girl meant to do?
Great and fun hub. If you accidentally find more than one, let me know:D
Sob, sob, boo hoo
Haunty, I do like some of the pubs and parks in Nanjing
Lazur, will pass on extras to you but most of the guys on HP are too chicken to apply!
BP, yes they du seem to have abandoned us. Maybe they are wanting to take some of the evening classes first?
I have turned into ze crazy proffessor, am inventing ze explosive bomb to pop under their buttocks, that will make them jump.
I would apply but my wife would, kill me! Oh, and I love cats! Otherwise I meet most...er um...some. Well maybe a few of your criteria. Keep up the good work!
Thanks for almost volunteering Trooper, we can almost put you on the real man list. In the meantime I have Blonde going crazy inventing bombs to insert up men's buttocks as enemas. I need to find her a man quickly before she accidentally blows herself up!
Cindy, you have done it again! Amazingly clever hub! The comments here are not bad either XD LOLs!
So, can we check your thumbs AIDY?
Ha! thumbs up you mean? LOLs Will you be posting your list of applicants so's we all can have a look-see?
Will the moment the postage won't cost very much as not many have applied. One we turned down because he thought he was a dog, wanting to lick us from head to toe when all we would want would be a nice relaxing bath. We might have to publish a hub with the applicants details and let the HP community vote. Rather like the hubnuggets.
I asked cause this hub makes me wanna meet you in person. :)
Oh Haunty, so you want to come and show me your thumbs! I can't wait! When will you be in Nanjing? You have to hurry as I leave in June!
Meet you by Xuanwu Lake between the lions tomorrow at 6 p.m.
Don't expect my penis three times the size of my thumbs, but you don't want that anyway. :)
Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm now who are you really??????? Will be at the dragon boat festival at Mochu lake all day tomorrow!
cv: 1. The pav. came from NZ, but we let the Aussi's use it. Anything to enhance their' diet of damper and 'roo stew.
2. sos, not only cats, Frogs and Ruskies given half a chance.
I hope you weren't Too disappointed with Haunty, cv, he sounds all thumbs.
Love, TOF
Well TOF, I'm willing to let you make a pav to go with the sausage sizzle for BP and I to try out! Yeah, am a bit wrried about haynty's thumbs, he might look deformed!
Hey Cindy, Loved it like always :-) Except I would replace requirement #4 from handy around the house to must be rich! I fiqure if he has lots of money. We can hire someone to do all the housework. :-)
Yeah Whikat, but I quite fancied him working around the house shirtless so I can feast my eyes on his hunky good muscular body! Mind you, if e's rich, we can hire a house man to do the work and he can work shirtless!
Cindyvine wrote: "Thanks for almost volunteering Trooper, we can almost put you on the real man list. In the meantime I have Blonde going crazy inventing bombs to insert up men's buttocks as enemas. I need to find her a man quickly before she accidentally blows herself up!"
OK, who's going to pay for the monitor I just drenched with coffee?!
Someone should write a hub about the cleansing effect of Hot coffee passing through the nostrals while laughing hysterically.
I have somehow crossed a laxative with an aphrodisiac in my inventions you don't know whether you are coming or going aghhhhhhhhh
Helpppppppppppppppppppppppppp aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Oh BP, you have to now invent a nasal enema for Trooper who mistakenly sucked his coffee up through his nostrils and sprayed his monitor!
LOL, Shirtless houseman works for me :-)
Oh heck poor Trooper don't worry am on it right now. Hold fast Trooper leave it to Blonde she knows what she is doing
Whikat, in fact, maybe we can get a heap of shirtless housemen to do everything for us!
BP, can we trust you? I am getting worried that you might mix the wrong ingredients for the rectal bomb as you might be under stress from trying to learn how to parallel park for your driving test next week. You have to become an accomplished driver for our Evening Classes
I haven't stopped laughing yet! I'm scrolling back up to oggle the eye candy. Great hub :)
Thanks Lady Seren. Yes, that South African swimmer is quite appetising
Well girls, at the end of the day, ( which is one of those mindless stupid phases we purportedly superior use to subjugate you soft and intelligent) the more you talk about sexual prowess, lust, or desire, the more hope transplants ability.
I should of course construct a story board before pursuing deep and meaningful insights into human thought, - but why bother. Few listen, less are silly enough to note.
Go chase your impossible (Cyber) dreams. It's around half seven (PM) here. I'm going down the pub to see inbred, if old, ugly and unattractive Real people. Sensibly, they are even more uncomfortable seeing me. For very valid reasons. Why else would I make them squirm?
I, like MacArthur, will eventually return, too late, and taking all the glory. - Well, I'll be more honest, I'll drop a post later.
Cheers,
TOF
Hey TOF and make sure when you're in the pub this weekend, you are cheering for THE BULLS! GO THE BULLS!
Ok well I'll risk divorce a second time and volunteer!
Lol Sixty, I'll meet you in South Africa in June then!
Hell I have had a boo boo Cindy..........damn........crikey....was just raided by the police, someone rang the police and said I was cooking a meth lab.....the smell got out...it is ok...they realise the mistake.....hell I have no clue what I am doing anyway. I will start packing up, grab my enemas, bombs, aphrodisiacs, and will get ready for my driving classes. Ok men seat belts on, oh hell where are my keys, got to look for somewhere to put my bottle of booze down......is this mirror here in the car a makeup mirror forgot to put on some lippy.
With all these comments, I'm certainly too late for consideration. I hate missing out, but the dishes needed to be washed, the floors scrubbed, and the dogs needed some cats for dinner. Then I had to replace three of the Chipendale dancers, select the wine for the show tomorrow, and meet some ladies for dkf djdfj d jdjfak - damn my thumbs got in the way again!
Oh Tom! You sound like the man of ourdreams. You have to just wait for Blonde's driving lesson though! Don't smudge that lippy Blonde! It might make you drive on the wrong side of the road! And don't lose the aphrodisiac enemas!
Great hub. BTW What will be you offering in return? lol
Hi Jay, it's in the hub - a mansion and a 4 x 4
Wow! Kind of creepy--but entertaining.
Thumbs Up! The comments are as hilarious as your hub. Thanks for a fall-off-my-chair laughing hub.
Great Hub cindyvine, made me laugh out loud. Keep 'em coming!
Wow CIndy you are getting in a few applicants now, they may appear coy, but deep down you can tell they are hungry for it. You may have to start drawing straws.
I wonder when it will stop...:)
Chris, creepy?
NN, it's good to occasionally fall out of your chair laughing. Now you need to find yourself a hunk to pick you up off the floor.
Gunsock, now that's a strange name, conjures up all kinds of weird images in my warped mind.
Blonde, we might have to come up with the ten tasks of Hercules for them to complete before we make our final choice.
Haunty, how long is a piece of string?
Well, you came close to describing husband number three!
Well Marilyn, when you get tired of him, then get him to apply!
Cindy can u log onto Skype for one tic if u r not busy I got BC on phone
ahhhhhhh getting ready to go out for the day, am going to watch the dragon boat racing as a VIP, champage and all day buffet! Have to get some rowing tips for BC.
Hey, I'm standing right here! I may have to write a hub on what men want from women!
Hahaha, I'm sure he's out there somewhere. The Universe is setting it up for ya.
Are there any good Mexican restaurants by your hut?
Kea, that could be interesting!
CE, the Universe had better hurry up
GT, you can always start one! Think there are some Indian restaurants though
I can do all these things you ask of me and i would really like to apply but; I can't hold the pen cause I'm ALL THUMBS.
(oh damn, that's not as funny on paper as it was in my mind)
hahaha hilarious!!!! African mansion!!!! So funny! This is so great...five stars!
Cindy I got a great idea, with so many great people coming here with so many talents, we should think about having like a little Amish community out there, GT can start a restaurant selling burritos, me with my own hair salon cutting lots of afro hair, BC with a drive through liquor barn, sufidreamer can open a greek pastry shop, tom can conduct bike ride tours through the hills, haunty can do rain dancing classes, R Blue can be a karaoke singer at the pub, we can all have that hippy love thing going out there...
I won some tickets to the game so I am off to Loftus. Go Bulls Go!
Sixty! I am sooooooo jealous!
Blonde that sounds like my dream community!
Ratcliffe, thanks for the stars
John, well, maybe we need to discuss this a little further. I'll be sending Blondepoet over to check you out. She's the quality controller!
Yes I will check it all out thats part of my contract here, Sixty we are coming too.
Sounds like a great community - I will quite happily open a Greek taverna.
Now, if I can manage to find my buttocks after a blonde shoved an explosive enema up my arse, we are good to go.
we might have to come up with the ten tasks of Hercules for them to complete before we make our final choice http://www.Dekholive.com
Just popping in to see if I got the job ?
Badcompany, you're sailing the ship. We just have to wait for Sufi to find his buttocks after Blonde went crazy with an aphrodiasiac enema which had more vooma than an atomic bomb. She's quickly completing driving lessons to help with driving the 4 x 4, but can't find her keys so is trying her vibrator to jump start the thing.
Sufi, the Greek Taverna sounds wonderful. I'm thinking we can call it Arsetottle after what Blonde did to you.
Dekholive, mmmm, have to think about the ten tasks of Hurl Coo Leese.
Ohh Sufidreamer you loved every minute of it. :)
I got plenty more tricks up my sleeve just you wait and see.
Ah Blonde, I started on the wine at 8.30am yesterday, do you think it was too early? My head feels a little slow today...
Woo hoo Cindy they say the early bird catches the worm, at least by doing it in the morning, it gets it out of the way for later LMAO. Actually I did something similar myself the other day,oh heck we only live once
Oh mY God. This is tooooo damn funny, I rolled. whew I needed that. I loved it!!
Dori
Yeah, BP the early bird gets the worm but if you gobble it too quickly you might choke!
It's always good to have a laugh, Dori, it clears the windpipes both top and bottom!
Aw, Cindyvine, my dance card's full with 20 lovely damsels, but I can work you in...lets see...in 2002. I'll be in touch. Or could I handle 21? Hmmm.
Hey, Blonde will be coming along with her pole so you'd have to make that 22!
She's already on my list. In fact, I think she counts for two!
Well then, you can come along and do your Tarzan impersonation as you swing from tree to tree! Actually, joking aside, I should organise a hubber's tour to the Serengeti when I'm there!
Fantastic Hub!
Wish I had seen it before I got married.
On second thoughts except for 4, 7 and 8...I got him!
lol Cashmere, you are lucky then. If you want, you might want to sign him up for some of the Evening Clases for Men Blondepoet and I'll be running!
Gee Christoph isn't greedy is he LMAO, 22, boy oh boy, never been part of a harem so it should be an adventure....actually Cindy he was my star pupil in my driving class today. We were sitting in the front of the car having interval, when he turned to me and said "hey blonde you want to get in the back-seat". I turned to him and said "Heck no I would rather stay in the front with you."
LOL
Good Grief, Cindy - She is insatiable. I am now sitting with my Tally Whacker in a bucket of ice, to relieve the friction burns.
Blonde, did you manage to keep Christoph under control though and di dyou touch the correct gear lever? I so worry about you. What happens if some man puts their gear lever there when you're focusing on the oncoming traffic. Make sure nobody yells, "Bloody woman driver!" Remember, just pop a jelly bay into their mouth like I showed you.
NMS, thanks for your wise comment
Sufi, mmm what can we do about your tally whacker? I might have to bring some of these dainty little Chinese masseuses that do massages with happy ending to come and sort it out for you.
I love happy endings! I will have to see if I can find a couple of well-oiled, muscular Spartan warriors for you, although BP must promise not to break them.
Oh Sufi, how on earth will we be able to stop Blondepoet from breaking in the well-oiled, well-hung muscled Spartan warriors! She'll be like a bitch in heat!
300 Spartans managed to hold off the might of the Persian army for a few days. Faced with a lusty Blondepoet, I would give them a couple of hours, at most. If the Persians had sent in BP first, history would have taken a different course.
LMAO ohhhh Sufidreamer well now I bet you can imagine the condition I am in, had to cancel aerobics today... Also that great big anaconda you painted on me with those multi-colour body paints didn't quite wash off, however they reckon it looks quite effective when I wrapped around the pole...Sufi you know life without you would be like a broken pencil...pointless.
I think that you broke my pencil last night!
Glad that the anaconda went down well - I could not find bodypaint, so used Hammerite. A bit of turps will get that off.
Without a beautiful Blondepoet to flirt with, life would be empty and I would actually have to do some work.
lol Sufi, now back to those Spartans. How many can you rustle up to crew on Bad Company's ship? They have to be prepared to only wear thongs though. I might have to tie Blonde to the prow so she can be like one of those figureheads otherwise the ship will be rocking too much on the heavy seas.
BP, put your hormones in your pocket!
Lol Cindy it is too late I am too far gone.When are we getting on this ship?Remind me to take my sea-sickness tablets...
Sufidreamer you are so fine I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit.
Oh dear, Bad Company, where are you? We need to tie this wanton lass to the masthead before she runs amok with all the young spartans!
Cindy: Will 300 Spartans be enough? They have long spears and big, shiny helmets. They are more than happy to wear thongs, as long as they are not the cheap, scratchy nylon ones - talk about rashes in intimate places.
BP: Sop away - I am ready for round two! The ice packs worked, and a bit of sellotape fixed the broken pencil ;)
Cool but Sufi, I think we've lost BP for a while. She took a prospective off for a driving lesson and hasn't been heard from since. I fear she might have pulled on the wrong gear lever and got more than she bargained for. 350 will be a better number. Will have to check with BC if his boat is big enough.
This was so fun. So did anyone apply?
Wow Cindy, You can dream on.. I don't think any man can match these conditions. Ah wait - have you asked the dude called Mandingo (I think his real name is Frederick Lamont). I have seen some of his movies.. You might like him - he is a beast and he seems to have the right thing between his legs.. I think he might fit all of your requirements.
1. Ability to make light-hearted banter - yeah sure
2. Intelligent Conversation - you must watch his films to hear his intelligent conversation.
3. Kind and compassionate - maybe not that kind from seeing his films.
4. Handy around the house - sure, he will make up a great handy man.
5. Sexual beast - 110% sure
6. Must be easy on the eye - well he has a lot of female fans.
7. Must know when to lie - seems to every now and then.
8. Must know when I need my space - For your sake I hope he does.
Trimar, we have a few expressions of interest but nothing definite.
Binilraag, Mandingo sounds like an Aussie name. Not sure about an Aussie, they love their sheep to much in the Outback. But you look quite cute, why don't you apply?
Hey hey good morning Cindy. You must be so darn proud of this Hub, it certainly has attracted all types LMAO. Well I for one keep coming back. It is kind of like a Tele-net Cafe....All this excitement here last night knocked me out like a ten pin bowling ball. Saving all my energies for the adventures that lie ahead. Sufi I'll give you a nickel if you tickle my pickle. Meet you under the wharf at midnight for round two.
Blonde, we need to get BC over here. He has to let Sufi know whether or not 350 spartans wearing only thongs will fit on his boat.
Oh hell yes BC where the heck are you. He is probably sitting on Skype waiting for us again, he can't get enough of us I think. I will try and round him up, damn where are they when you need 'em.
This is great, its about time the ladies get some eye candy! thanks for the inspirational hub.
BP - let the pickle tickling commence :D
Cindy: The Spartans are restless and drank all my Ouzo - BC is hanging out in the forums so should be here soon.
You are on Sufi.....am going to rest all my limbs all day long just for you. What time do you have to be back in heaven?
I can probably round up a few bachelors for ya, but then I want you to share the rejections. ;) Those qualities are exactly the same way I would want in a guy!
BP: I must go to bed soon, then you have my undivided attention.
Awww ok Sufi....go rest my little sweetpea....u going to need your energies....until we meet again lover.
Hey May may I say that toilet roll does not seem to have gone down much...
BP, think BC might have accidentally hit a rock and sunk his ship. We might need to get a helicopter and go in search of him.
Sufi, tell the Spartans to run a marathon or something while they wait. That should keep them occupied.
Research Analyst, not sure about rejects, the pickings are quite poor here.
May, welcome aboard, you can join our crew and do your ping pong ball trick on the deck. The spartans can jump up and catch them as a workout!
Hey Cindy I am home again. Boy I went to the Forum and somehow ended up at a strip show. Those two are hilarious. Have you seen my sweet little Sufi??
Hey Blonde if he's little, do we want him?
Hi BP - it is a long time since I have been called sweet and little! Usually, big and scary is more common :)
I am afraid that the Spartans have gone - I sent them off on a marathon and they did not come back. Old Kostas the Goat Herder sounds up for it, though ;)
Oooo a goat herder could be fun as long as he isn't in the habit of getting over-friendly with his goats as the kiwis do with their sheep. Yes Sufi, I was very disappointed that Blonde called you little!
LMAO that is a Aussie term guys that actually means big and spunky....
I am going to have to teach you some Aussie lingo...I can teach Sufi during our half time interval break at the wharf later while he hand feeds me some grapes hahah.
so little actually means big and spunky? So what would you say for really little then, miniscule?
Lol Cindy these questions are getting very technical now, mmm, what would I say for really little, I guess I would say "hey bro you are a little midget with a rigid digit."
ROFLMAO! Oh no I have stomach ache from laughing at that one! You are way good Blonde, way good!
BP - What about a big guy with a tiny shrunken member....not that I would know anything about it.....er....one of my friends wanted to know. :D
Okay, Sufi there is a medical reason for that which I researched extensively and have just a short while ago published a hub on that very thing - called pear shaped men. I do go off on strange tangents every now and then.
I saw that one......it explains why I....er... I mean my friend......has a small and underpowered tally whacker.......and wears a sports bra.
The tangents are what keeps your work extremely interesting!
lol hey Sufi just read your freelance writing hub, very good, excellent in fact. Hey, I would hire you. Me, I can write but think I battle with the academic writing. Mine is too conversational.
Don't believe him Cindy he is being modest..LMAO....He is so hot he makes the fudge melt on my sundae.....
He's so hot he makes the stainless steel pins in my knee disintegrate. lol. So BP, plan is we ignore the vixen and don't respond to comments. Now, did you find the right gear shift this time in your driving lessons?
I totally agree she does not even make sense in what comes out of her mouth. Don't worry designed a special bomb for that one haha. The right stick, hell yes, actually got it right today, had a little additional problems, I kangaroo hopped the car in first gear and drove into a beauty salon...it is all good though...had my hair done while I was there
Oh, was the kangaroo okay? We do believe in Beauty without Cruelty you know?
Hahaha Cindy there was no kangaroo just a rooster
Oh you are funny....goodnight Cindy and Sufi I am getting sooo tired....I have been flat out here for hours ..been great fun...
Ok BP, catchya tomorrow! Sleep well and dream of Greek goat herders
Night BP - you have me day-dreaming about melted fudge sundaes and gear-shifts :P
Thanks for the compliment, Cindy - coming from you, that is praise indeed! I am getting the hang of conversational, but don't think that I will ever be a creative writer like yourself.
But in the long run Sufi, it's the academic writing that pays the money
Ahhhhhh shit I knew that wee stud Sufi wud charm you pair and I was so looking forward to the job. Oh well back to my bloody ship and hairy smelly crew members, life is crap being a pirate ( :
Hey BC, you're supposed to be coming and captain of the ship! May is going to work as your exotic cabin girl and Blonde has to be tied to the prow as the figurehead!
hey you are one popular lady, took me an eternity to get to the bottom of the fans..... shame you are so far away, I would have sent you my husband, he does not fit any of the criteria, but you could whip him into shape and then send him back to me....
Yayyyyyyy now yer talkin, sign me up, right the Captain has a nap to take, now where did I leave my eyepatch ?
Think your eyepatch is under your thong on the chair next to your wooden leg lol
Boy! Did you start something or what?!?!? HOw many applicants so far?? I lost count!!
I have bookmarked this one - I can't wait to see what happens next!
P.S. Don't necessarily need eye candy - would settle for one that doesn't frighten small children - got any also rans in that category?? LOL!!!!
Brenda, maybe your husband can teach the young bucks a few things. How old is he? He might be beyond training. Maybe we need to sign him up for the evening classes for men.
Nanny, children are easily frightened by ugly men as they give them nightmares. We probably need to find you a Brad Pitt look alike as he seems to like children.
You are too funny! Great hub.
Why, thank you Winchestery!
Oh hell yes we need you BC, better believe it, Sufi and I have been cavorting in every place imaginable for the author "Iva Itchtoscratch", she needed pictures for her new book ,"Hit It While It's Hard." Sufi volunteered himself and I kind of snatched him, well look at him, can you blame a girl. Iva ran out of ideas so we have been giving her some fresh inspirations.
Deb...need help testing my Skype...Cindyvine won't talk to me.
Blonde, just been reading a book by that famous Russian author Ivan Ahardonavich. Highly recommended for some of our sailors to read.
Blue, some of us have to get ready to go to work at this time of the day.
Love the hub, but the comments are even better. Actually I think I may have snagged (almost typed "shagged", but I've done that too) one of those guys and have had him for almost 28 years now. But it took about 22 years to get him to help with the cooking and housework!! Let's see, still working at #4, but I'm willing to learn some of that stuff too! LOVE THIS!!
Thanks Dink, I bow down before you that you've shagged, oops, snagged the man of my dreams!
Hard at work I see... I have that problem at times.
Yes, am busy writing reports at the moment as I have a non-contact period. My class is in Chinese.
Enjoyed the pics...haha
Celina, were a few good eye candy ones, eh! lol
Truly Superb!!! I am rolling with laughter, lol!! With the response's recieved, it seems shopping for a dog might be the best bet...That is of course, if R. Blue is not taken yet!! lol
lol Jodi! Yeah, not sure if Blue is taken, think Randy Behavior has him on a leash!
Brad Pitt!?!?! Naaahh Maybe Sam Elliott- pretty please - must have matching voice. Melts my knees!!!! and a few other places!!!!
Darn.... back to the shower.... (trudges back to bathroom and contemplates adding ice cubes)
Okay, will bring in Sam Elliott just for you, Nanny, and will get BC to stock his ship up with freezers to make ice cubes to coll you down. Think Blonde needs some cooling down as well!
Wow Cindy this hub stilll has great legs and so have a lot of the hubbers!
Hey Sixty, we can have a men's legs competition!
Sufi promised me prawns....I am awaiting...
Ah Blonde, you know men. Maybe he got waylaid by one of those Greek sirens singing naked on a rock that you read about in that Homer book.
The sirens tried to hold me back with their feminine wiles and soft wobbly bits, but I will not be swayed from my mission; to deliver prawns to beautiful BP.
How far is Australia anyway? - I hope that it is just around the corner from Cyprus, 'cos this swimming thing is getting tiring. :(
Well Sufi, Blonde can meet you half-way on her surfboard!, Think she carries a couple of six packs on her board so she should last the journey.
Wow, thanks for that - Now I'll be going around looking at thumbs....Cute hub!
Thanks Amy, yes, you must only have eyes on the thumbs. Who know's the bulge in the pants might be a rolled up pair of socks.
Sufi my lover I am awaiting those delectable prawns mmm. I just tried to make you a Chippendale Dancer for Cindy's birthday but I had to chop off all your hair for the clip for the pic and u did not look like u. I tried. Oh a kilogram would suffice if you hand feed them to me. Roarrrr.
Well, I can't apply for the job as BP had me bumped off in her video.
@Cindy - bulge could also be a kilo of prawns :-)
Oh BP, Eric might be right! Sufi's bulge could just be a kilo of prawns!
Hey EricG I think your acting skills in that movie are going to get you the Gold Logie this year. I am in the same boat, I got knocked off in that film big time, by the sadistic Toad, at least you died quickly ROFL.
A bulge in the pants ohhhh...now I got to say they can't be both, I want the prawns first....you know some old fashion romance :)But then again as long as I am chewing on prawns,mmm, there would be not reason not to combine the two, oh I have some great ideas..
hey cindy r u drunk yet, I can't contact you. You are like an alien rotating around Jupiter, calling Cindy to earth, come in, roger over and out.
P.s I will be back in a minute I am going to have a quick game of Halo. I feel like blowing up someone with my loaded rocket ROFL
refreshingly honest and playful. I like it.
Thanks, Eric - giving away a man's secrets like that.
Don't worry, BP - they say that the small prawns are more juicy ;)
Sufi, I am hungry awaiting my delights from the sea. Oh you are too modest, yours is so jumungus that it is still coming around the corner. I love the juicy ones and those juicy huge crab claws,where all the juice runs down your chin....
:embarrassedsmiley:
I am not putting anything with big claws in my pouch - brings tears to the eyes just thinking about it :(
Well Sufi I happen to have long nails, I never heard you complain before lol
No chance of complaining - I wear the scratch marks as a badge of honour. I was Poeted and survived ;)
ROFL, yes so far so good touch wood. Yes with all our unusual and exotic venues, it is gone so smooth. Let's hope that Cindy won't get cranky if we fall off her roof and into her garden. Then again she may mistake us for Adam and Eve lool.
Just be easy with the nails when you are touching my wood. I am sure that Cindy will not mind, as long as we bring alcohol and sausages to keep her occupied.
Hahaha or get one of your mates to streak in her back paddock, that will do the job....just got to keep her outside so she does not hear the roof creak. I am sure with her mouth crammed with sausage and armed with a pair of binoculars that should just nail it...
Don't worry - I am sure that Kostas the Goat Herder will be more than happy to streak for Cindy. In fact, I am pretty sure that he will be more than happy to offer other services, if she wants ;)
He doesn't speak much English, but I am sure that they will manage :)
This match-making sure is thirsty work!
Arunkishor, thanks for calling me refreshingly honest
BP and SUFI, I need to spank you both! Sending me out to tend goats while you bring the roof down! Really! Sufi, get those lobsters out your pants! Blonde, no more driving naked during those driving classes! Who's going to be streaking? BC?
Spanking! - you kinky minx. I am sure that Kostas the Goat Herder is a virgin (as long as goats don't count), so you should be able to instruct him in some of the finer arts of bedroom gymnastics.
Did I hear spanking yes Sufi it is getting kinky now. I think Cindy has been peeping at us through the key-hole picked up a few fine points. Sufi let us hope that Cindys house is not a grass hut in Africa,mmm,,might be a problem, if so we will go to Plan B. I can work with that, just bring the chocolate strawberries too. Cindy ROFL I can just imagine you looking at BC through your binoculars, while he is running around with that Irish accent muttering, "Well oil beef hooked". Say that phrase a few times with a Irish accent and it will make sense hhaha
That was fun, Cindy! Thanks so much! I was trying to keep track of how many MY man meets...er, not enough for me to worry about you taking him! I used to have the same theory about paunches---there are exceptions...:))
Lady Rogue, my theory is quite logical though, isn't it?
Gosh Cindy you got so many to choose from it is like a huge smorgasboard.
Yeah BP, my love buffet
Yeah BP, my love buffet
Come on men pull your finger out
Not sure what they doing with that finger, Blonde!
Very funny routine!
Consider this a formal invitation to join the Searcher Comedy Club.
blueraven6
Will definitely join Blueraven, as soon as I'm back at my base. Just using internet cafes for a few days!
If a man that meets your requirements comes up at your door, it would be at least a million years from now.
Gotta say this Hub is hilarious... what a breath of fresh air from all the informative (they're good too) ones... its nice to just laugh once in a while...
Pamda Man, I am a very patient woman.
MP, laughter is definitely the best medicine! Drove into a ditch today and couldn't figure out my 4 wheel drive to get out of it. Luckily, some nice man came to help, but all I could do was laugh at my predicament!
My post HAS to be the last one, coz the best person is always the last one to apply.
===================Your search ends here===================
Well LS, we might need to have a closer look at you. I'll have to send over Blondepoet to take measurements!
Blondepoet??? You never mentioned that in the post !? Hmmm....Blondepoet sounds scary.
Can't you take the measurements yourself, please?
Blondepoet is anything but scary and she's an ace with an enema filled with love potions!
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tonymac04 says:
7 months ago
Where are you? Where are you? I meet all your requirements so let me know where you are!!!!
Oh shit! Nanjing!? Too far too far my dear. But it was a nice dream while it lasted (for all of about 2 seconds!)
Just kidding
Love and peace
Tony