Here I was, enjoying the peace and quiet in the entertainment room. DVD's, check. Big pitcher of Iced tea, check. Pizza, Check. Bg of Chips, check. Wide screen TV, check. All was in place and the airconditioning was on full blast. All I had to do was sit down, relax and enjoy the scary movie. Until my mom and her friends came in. It's not that I mind that they're there. I mean, this is after all my mom's house so she had full authority over it. I'm just 4th in command, after my Dad and my older bro. Anyway, the movie went well until they bombarded me with questions like: who's the lead actress? What happened? Why did that happen? What could have caused it? Yadda yadda... And if that wasn't enough, they had to chitchat when I'm trying in vain to understand what the hell was going on with the movie amidst all the background noise... And HIllary Swank suddenly "speaking in tongues" didn't help either. (It happens when you buy pirated DVD's. The language format is a bit screwed up so don't be surprised when they start speaking spanish all of a sudden). So much for my peace and tranquility. I was almost at the verge of turning off the tv set and moving the DVD player to somewhere else I could enjoy the movie by myself, hadn't I remembered they were my "titas". Often times, a movie experience is ruined, not just by the quality of the sound, or the various flaws in the movie perse. It is partly ruined by your surroundings upon watching the movie itself. It could ever be some people's unnecessary comments or having to move your head from left to right because the idiot at the front forgot he's tall enough to cover half of the screen with his large head. And it's because of this lack of consideration by other people that I'd rather enjoy the movie myself than with people, no offense to my family, friends, and my dearly beloved. These are just some more of the reasons why I hate watching movies with alot of people, whether in a movie theater or at home:

1. THE SEX SCENES

At this age, I still find it awkward to watch sex scenes and dialogues with heavy sexual innuendos when my mom and dad is around. And it doesn't help when my grandma loudly complains about my choice of movies having too much obscenity. I still find discussing sex with parents a rather delicate matter as I belong to a very conservative family. That's why I'd schedule my solo movie marathons when they have finally returned my TV in my room.

2. TALKING WHEN THE MOVIE IS IN PROGRESS

It also irks me that people would be tugging at my shirt and ask me what just happened when they could have watched it themselves. I understand that they need a second opinion, but they could always ask that after the movie is done. I find that really rude when you talk to me when I've immersed myself in the movie experience so I'd be much obliged if you address questions, movie related or otherwise, right after the movie is done.

In addition, people making unnecessary comments about the movie or whatnot. I don't give a shit if you think Brad's ass looks hot and I don't want to hear you ranting about it. And I know why the fricking mass murderer is killing people and I don't have to be told already so won't you please SHUT UP? if you can't watch a movie without opening your mouth, it could help if you'd rather buy your own DVD copy and watch it by yourself or with someone who wouldn't mind hearing you telling them what you think will happen next.

3. SPOILERS...

I would prefer knowing the ending myself than you telling me, so if you have seen the movie, don't talk to me until i'm done watching.

4. MOBILE PHONES IN A MOVIE HOUSE

I know people would also agree when I say cellphones are a no-no in movie theatres. Don't you think it's apalling when in the middle of a good movie, someone's phone rings at level 5, loud enough for the entire theatre to hear it? And if that's not disruptive enough, he or she had to answer it in a voice that could equal (or maybe even surpass) the volume of her ringtone. Just do us all a favor, if you can't turn off your phone in the theater, for whatever reason, you could atleast have the decency to put that in a silent mode and text the caller to callback later as you're watching a movie or you could atleast go out of the movie theatre if it's that urgent.

5. THOSE HEADS I'D LIKE TO CHOP OFF

If you are aware that someone is watching the movie behind you, have a little respect and bob or sit down so she could see what she's watching. If that still wouldn't help, be kind enough to step away from her sight and sit somewhere else where you can't be a nuisance to this person who's not as vertically gifted as you.

Lastly...

6. FEET ON THE BACKREST

if you are contemplating on putting your feet up on the backrest in front of you, make sure no one is sitting there or your sneakers are clean enough not to leave any traces that you trekked the muddy trail to mt. apo. It's bad enough when the person have to rest his or her head between 2 smelly shoes and she or he has to get an unwanted souveneir from your trip to the mountains and back. PLEASE, REFRAIN FROM PUTTING YOUR FEET UP THE BACKREST OF THE NEXT CHAIR... I really hate it when people do that...

Sadly enough though, you can't always expect people to be that empathic... so, rather than waste my energy putting these people off or starting out a fight with a loud "SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE WATCHING THE MOVIE ASSHOLE!!" and cause an even bigger ruckus, i'd rather be alone in my own room, with my own TV and DVD player and enjoy the chips, the pizza, the coke and the movie myself.

AND OH YEAH...

Some other tips to annoy people in the movie theater...

1. Watch the movie, go a second time to see it, and this time just when the movie is starting, yell out the ending just as it's starting.

2. Start a jujubeee fight with your neighbor.

3. Every time one of the characters says the word "it" burst out into applause, standing ovation and all.

4. Bring a copy of the script and read every line at the same time the characters say them.

5. Sit next to a stranger and eat their popcorn.

6. Take a laser pointer out, and point it at the screen.

7. Start yelling "focus!" even if the picture is perfectly clear.

8. Have one of those phones with the walkie-talkie feature, and talk all through the movie while your phone keeps making that annoying "beep!" sound.

9. Bring a remote control. Complain that you can't change the channel.

10. Bring your own beanbag chair and sit in the aisle.

11. Every time there is a gun shot scream, "Hit the floor!", jump on the floor, and cover your head.

12. Wear a huge tophat and then sit in front of a little kid so that he can't see.

13. Ask what the theater's return policy on popcorn is.

14. Bring a beach ball to toss around.

15. Before the movie starts, get up in the front of the theater and start giving a speech on why you shold be elected class president.

16. Pass around a collection plate and see if anyone contributes.

17. Start a wave.

18. Start laughing at the "touching" and "emotional" scenes

19. Use empty chairs next to you as catapults with candy. Aim at specific people behind you and see if you can hit anyone in the back row.

20. Wear 3-d glasses to a non-3-d movie

21. Impersonate a ticket checker, and then accuse people of showing you false tickets. Kick them out.

22. Bring a flashlight. In the middle of the film do shadow puppets on the ceiling.

23. Bring a portable dvd player and watch that instead of the movie.

24. Sit in the middle of a row, and keep making people move because you have to go to the bathroom.

25. Put reserved signs on every seat except the one you're sitting in.