Wait Until They Grow Up: Difficult Teenage Daughters
74This comes from a discussion we had last night.
Daughters are great when they are little, but just wait until they are teenagers.
I have a huge problem with this. Mainly, because it ingrains a belief set that raising teenage daughters WILL be difficult. The more parents believe this, and anticipate the challenge, the more likely it is to come true.
I choose to believe that raising teenage daughters will be a joy. I have no fear of moods, sex, or difficult teens. I'm also not naive. I've seen very closely the joys of raising children as well as the intense sadness of a troubled child. And. I won't disagree that having a child with severe problems is devastating for parents. If we are faced with these problems we must do our best as parents. But, I don't think that's the norm.
I'm a strong believer in a positive outlook and setting expectations that our teenage daughters will be good people with sound morals, and that we will enjoy spending time with them throughout their life.
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Hi Paul, I have a 15 year old daughter, she is such a sweet little girl when she was a toddler until her tween years, it started to change, her moods, views, her likes, her style, the way she talk...etc.... but I think it is apart of normal teenage life...
What I enjoy most is that she talks to me about her views, her problems, her crushes......lots of issues that worries her...so I am always updated of what is happening around her....
I also come from a family of 4 girls ----- I know my parents have a fair share of this...
Raising children can run the gamut from life's greatest pleasure and meaning to a heartbreaking nightmare. It is, however, a long journey, and it does not end . . . and it can change. The overwhelming love for a child that is set in the early years will carry most parents through most teen difficulties. (By the way, a step parent is one hundred times more likely to murder a step child than a parent is to murder his own child). I feel at ease and at peace with my adult children. When they were younger, and all in their beds years ago, I remember thinking that, really, no matter what else was happening in my life, all was well.
My mother used to say that the happiest time of her life was when her children were small. I used to love coming home from work, and have the little children happy to see me.
Oh, about raising children running the gamut from life's greatest pleasure and meaning to a heartbreaking nightmare -- the chances are much greater that it will be life's greatest pleasure and meaning.
All comments well put - and I agree with each of them. I have two daughters who are now in their twenties - they always have, and always will be the loves of my life. Not to say that when the hormones kick in, there aren't some challenges.
One of my girls went through a very tough stage at being angry with the world...I learned to ride it out by administering discipline in response to disrespect, but always letting her know that I loved her unconditionally, and she could count on me when the chips were down. We both got through this period with a closer relationship.
My youngest girl (who lives at home), is still at an age when mom can be an occasional embarrassment in public, but she depends on me for so much more than the roof over her head and the hot meals. She seeks my opinion, approval, guidance and wisdom.
While I treasured every single moment of my little girls' infant and toddlerhood, I wouldn't trade a second of the joy (although sometimes turbulent joy) that they continued to bring to my life as teenagers who eventually grew into incredibly wonderful young women.
Continue to choose joy as your belief!
You have to have a routine and a set of house rules. Reward for doing right and punish when doing wrong. Explain why she gets punished.
I appreciate the thoughts. I know I put my parents through a hard time when I was a teen, but I understand now something my father used to tell me over and over: "Remember, teenagers think they are invincible." I ignored the advice back then, when I would stay out until dawn without calling to tell my parents where I was. Now I don't even want to go out of my house at night and walk down the street by myself! I can't even believe I used to stay out that late, many times driving or walking home alone. I believe teens will always experiment with dating, drinking, maybe drugs, but if you raised them with solid values and a good head on their shoulders, they should mature beautifully no matter how many mistakes they make.
I recall my teenage years with mixed feelings. As the saying goes,"These were the best of times and these were the worse of times." Everything is so serious and important at this stage. Lots of love, patience and understanding and you will survive!
All I have to say is when my 12 year old daughter started her period it was right after that she started to date guys
Great topic choice! Look at all the very thoughtful topics. *Bows to expert writer*
Many parents today are more concerned with being friends with their children than parenting...friendship comes later, they need parents NOW! which includes discipline, rules, limits and most definately respect! So many of us are worried about chattering our childs confidence that we have over compensated and ended up with rude, arrogant, and delusional young adults...they think the world is here to serve them... as did their parents! Parents take responsibility for your children and be sure they grow into responsible caring human beings, not assholes!
I so agree with calabrese comment regarding methods of raising children. I made the big mistake of trying to be my teenage daughter's friend and I am now dealing with a disrespectful, obnoxious little jerk, who cannot see how self-centered she has become. Rules and guidance is a priority and friendship can happen in the later teens or early 20's. Avoid my mistake parents please!
PlayaNorte says:
18 months ago
paul, make sure to update us in 10 years and let us know if you still think this way (coming from a family of all girls)