Oprah recently did a show about infidelity that caused quite a stir. As she interviewed men who had affairs, there was a reoccurring theme that emerged. One of the biggest, if not singular reasons man claimed they sought out an affair was because they felt unappreciated by their wives. Not because they were bored. Not because they were bad. Not because they "fell out of love". Plainly and simply because they felt taken for granted, and unappreciated.

There was a lot of quite angry feedback after the show. A lot of women felt as if Oprah was "excusing" men who had committed the ultimate betrayal. Even worse a lot of women felt like the excuse was flimsy. Appreciation??? Seriously???

Yeah - seriously. Appreciation is the grease that makes relationship wheels go round and round. Men and women alike often feel taken for granted by their significant other. It's the first nagging little resentment that comes up after the "honeymoon is over". For women, it's an intimacy killer. For men it's even bigger then that. Now, I am going to generalize and certainly this doesn't hold true in every case, but bare with me. Women tend to seek validation from a mate. They want to be appreciated in a different way. It's more personal for a woman. She wants to hear she's beautiful and sexy. She wants to hear she's a wonderful cook or a rock star in bed.

Men on the other hand need to be recognized for what they do and what they contribute. A man wants to be recognized for taking the garbage out or fixing the car. They want to be appreciated for their performance. Now, I know what you're thinking. "I take care of the kids, make dinner, clean up the kitchen, and make lunches for the next day. I ask him to do one thing - take out the garbage.... Please!!! Are you kidding me??" However, just imagine this scenario. He takes out the garbage and as busy as you are, you take a moment to say something like this, "Honey, I am just swamped this evening. Thanks for doing that. It really helped. I really appreciate it." .

Hum... He might actual pause and say something like, "No problem! Is there anything else I can do for you???" Seriously.

Now this all might sound trite. However, remember the Oprah show. If you knew that raining down appreciation on your mate might be key in preventing something as devastating as an affair wouldn't you want to do it??? If you knew that appreciation could insulate any relationship, business, the kids, and neighbors, from future wear and tear, wouldn't you feel like dishing it out? It's almost guaranteed to work, and takes very little effort on your part.

So, that's my challenge to you. Take a good long look at your man and everyone else in your life. Find ways to appreciate. Find new ways to express your appreciation. You just wait, it'll get easier, because as you appreciate more and more good stuff comes up.