You open the mail box, flip through the bills, credit card solicitations, and advertising brochures, and you spot it. It stands out from the rest, with it’s elegant and formally lettered envelope. It’s a wedding invitation. You may have been expecting it, or perhaps it comes as a surprise. Either way, a response is required. Most formal wedding invitations come with a pre-addressed response card. This should be returned as soon as possible, and absolutely no later than the date indicated on the response card. The bride and groom need to know how many people are attending, so they can arrange for settings, food, favors, and more.

Now you can turn your attention to getting the betrothed couple a wedding gift.

When you are invited to a wedding, giving a gift is customary, and expected. There may be some instances, however, when giving a wedding gift is not required. Some couples request that you not give them a gift, and that request is usually made by word of mouth, or announced on their wedding website. It is regarded in poor taste to mention gifts on the wedding invitation, but some couples do include a “No Gifts Please” clause.  However the request is made,  it is up to you how you will handle it. Usually, when a couple requests “no gifts,” it is because they have been living on their own, or together, a long time, or it is not their first marriage. They just want you to come and celebrate with them, and wish them well. Of course, if the couple is family or close to you, you may buy them a gift anyways, as a token of your support and friendship, but it is perfectly alright to go sans gift, as they requested. Another instance where a gift is not required is if you have not been in touch with the couple for several years, and you live far away. In this case, you are not required to attend the wedding, or to send a gift (unless you do attend the wedding). You are also not required to send a gift if you receive an announcement of a marriage after the wedding has taken place. It is thoughtful, on such occasion, however, to send the couple a card to wish them well. Having said that, if you are close to the betrothed, you may want to send a gift, and it will surely be appreciated.

Choosing a wedding gift for the happy couple should be fun if you follow some simple etiquette guidelines.

The amount you spend on a wedding gift is somewhat arbitrary. It will depend on many factors, such as your relationship to the bride and groom, your budget, and the formalness of the wedding. As a general guideline, a typical amount is $75 to $100. If you are a close relative or friend, $100 to $150 is more acceptable. Again, you should factor in your budget, the type of wedding it is, and your other gift obligations attached to this couple’s nuptials (bridal showers, bachelor or bachelorette parties, engagement party), costs associated with travel and lodging for the wedding. For example, destination weddings are very big now. The couple will understand your not spending money on a big ticket gift when you just spent $500 and more to attend their Hawaiian island wedding.

A wedding gift is given to help the couple celebrate the occasion of their wedding, and start their new life together. You care about the couple, so you send a gift. The thought that goes into the gift is the important factor, however, not how much it cost. The expense of a gift should not cause you financial hardship.

Money, or a personal check, are acceptable, and usually welcome by the couple. Gift cards are an eloquent way to gift without actually giving cash, and they allow the couple to choose the item or items of their choice. Consider giving a gift card to one of the stores the couple may be registered at. If you are undecided where to get the gift card from, there are Visa and Master Card gift cards now, which can be used most places.

Most couples today have wedding gift registries at two or more stores or web sites. Some couples even register at travel agencies to help pay for their honeymoon. Registries are never included in the wedding invitation (it is considered poor taste to mention gifts in the invitation), so you may have to do some investigating to find out if and where the couple is registered. If you are close to the couple, you will probably be aware of their registries, especially if you have attended a bridal shower or other party for them. A call to the bride, or her parents, is also acceptable, and will get you the information you need. You can also visit http://giftregistrylocator.com, a site that provides direct access to the online registries of most major stores. Sometimes the couple has a wedding website, and that information will be listed there, as well. Doing an internet search of the couples’ names should get you to their site.

Bridal registries simplify the gift giving process, and eliminate the guess work. You are assured of getting something the couple really wants, as they are the ones who selected the items on the list. Duplication of gifts is not an issue when shopping from a registry. If the store is out of a particular item on a registry, it can be ordered, and usually takes a couple of days to a week, so be sure to shop early enough to allow for that possibility.

If you know the couple well, you may be inspired to choose a unique gift, even though it is not on their registry. This is perfectly acceptable, and will make your gift memorable and enjoyable, and will remind the couple of your affection and thoughtfulness for years to come. Just be sure to take into consideration the couple’s traditions, customs, and lifestyle.

Do not  bring the gift to the wedding reception. Although there is usually a table provided for that purpose, it is just very inconvenient for a couple and their family on an already busy and hectic day. They will have enough to do without worrying about getting the gifts home, and keeping them safe during the reception.

Send your gift any time after your receive the invitation, before the wedding. Address your gift to the bride, and have your gift delivered to the bride’s home before the wedding. Many stores will mail the gift for you. If the couple is already living together before the wedding, your gift may be sent to them at their home address. If you send a gift after the wedding, send it to the couple’s home address.

Lastly, don’t forget to attach a card, with your well wishes. It is a good idea to put the card inside the box or package with the gift. That way it will not get separated from the gift. You can attach a gift tag to the outside of the gift, if desired, as well.

Finally, relax and enjoy the celebration.