Traditionally, a ritual is an act that's performed repeatedly. The word can refer to a religious rite, but it's really any act that's done the same way each time it's performed.

So to talk about creating original rituals might seem like a contradiction. But consider this: somebody, somewhere, at some time, invented each traditional ritual that's still in use today. The first time a witness took the stand and was sworn in, the first time a group of people recited the "Pledge of Allegiance,"  the first time the President threw out the first baseball of the season, a brand-new and original ritual was performed.

Sometimes, particularly if you're planning a civil ceremony and you don't want to include religious rituals, you can benefit from the inclusion of a brand-new, original ritual, because it's designed to fit your circumstances and your ceremony.

Some couples choose secular ritiuals that are familiar, such as the Unity Candle, Sand Ceremony or Wine Ceremony. These are all beautiful rituals and, if you like them, you don't really need to invent something new. But if you're looking for a ritual that's personal to the two of you, and that feels meaningful to you, then you might want to establish your own wedding ritual.

You can do something simple such as drawing up a marriage "contract," printing it on parchment paper, and signing it during your ceremony. The contract can include your wedding vows, or special promises that you make to each other.

Since your marriage will bring you into the community in your new roles, you might include all of your guests in a ritual. Havie your guests hold lighted candles during your vows, ring bells after you're pronounced husband and wife, or line the aisle as you walk out during the recessional, blowing kisses at you.

One circumstance that calls for a special ritual is the inclusion of children in a wedding ceremony. When the bride or groom, or both, bring children to a new marriage, they often want the children to be a part of the ceremony itself, rather than participating as a flower girl, ring bearer or, in the case of older children, attendants. Sometimes the children are included by being given a gift, such as a pendant. But you might want to do something wherein they can actively participate.

A good place to start, in this example, is the child's or children's interests. If they're musical, if they play instruments or sing, you could plan to perform together. Choosing a meaningful song that directly refers to the new family will add depth to the performance.

If you have young children, plan an activity that will be brief, yet have meaning. One couple, whose wedding was autumn-themed, drew outlines on fall-colored papers of each grandparent's, parent's and child's hands and cut them out. During the ceremony, each person attached his handprint to a wreath that was placed on a stand at the child's level, with the child placing her hand-outline last. The officiant read a narrative about the way in which autumn leaves, when seen from a distance, seem to be a blended, brightly-colored mass. Yet, when seen individually, each leaf still retains its own distinctive color and shape.

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