Did you used to play that game when you were younger, the one where you would make three wishes if a digital clock said 11:11? I certainly did, and still do at times even now.

What is interesting is that I distinctly remember, even as an angst-ridden, in-crush-with-a-different-boy-each-week tween, my wishes were much more grounded than my flighty thoughts. The requests made were truly those of an old soul. Each time, with consistency, I wished three times to be content.

They say people don't really change all that much and one of my main desires has not, even twenty or so years later. It's a challenge and a hope: to be comfortable in your own skin.

To figure out how to be at ease within myself, I look to those who are and try to identify what it is that they have. Immediately my cat Bella and my father come to mind!

Bella is about a year old, and she is extremely at ease with who she is, much more so than some animals I have known. You may think it ridiculous for a person to make such assumptions, but it really is not an assumption. Anyone who meets Bella comments on almost this very thing. Bella is a bit quirky, but she is not afraid to be quirky with consistency. She loves me but does not seek approval. While that is partially a cat thing, it really is a Bella thing.

Bella has always been at ease and confident, and she is somewhat of a late bloomer. When I first got her from the Humane Society as a kitten, she was somewhat overlooked at times by me and by my friends, as everyone just more quickly fell in love with Bella's sister Abby.

Abby was just a bit more affectionate and into people -- at that stage. While I loved Bella and certainly showered her with attention, I was secretly a bit disappointed that she was not a bit more social -- like Abby.

Our vet told me that Bella may learn to mimic some of Abby's more social behaviours. The odd thing was, Bella took all of this with complete stride and just continued to do her Bella thing. On top of it all, I wanted petite kitties, and Bella just kept growing and growing! She is a large cat!

But somehow through my challenges in accepting Bella just as she was, which is hard to admit, I noticed something about her. Bella did not get nervous in situations. Bella's shy meow was getting a bit louder. Bella had some quirky little mannerisms and habits. And, through it all, she was simply herself.

About three months ago, she completely came out of her shell. It has truly been amazing. She is incredibly social and greets people who come and visit. She even enjoys walks in the hall of my highrise building, especially meandering several doors away to visit one particular neighbor.

While Bella now somewhat steals the show due to her personality and quirks, she is still in many ways just as she was: comfortable with who she is. This is something you can just sense about her. She approaches situations without fear. She is open to new things. She responds to praise but does not thrive on it. She has nothing to prove. She is comfortable with her size, even when hopping across my bed like a little sack of potatoes.

When Abby, who is quicker on her feet, dominates a game of chasing a string or wire toy, Bella sits back and patiently waits her turn to pounce. Usually this is when Abby has gotten tired and is no longer in the way.

In what seems to be every situation, Bella is fine with who she is, and she is okay with who others are as well. She seems to go through her life with grace and ease, and she has a solid foundation within herself that is not reliant on approval or recognition. She is a force to be dealt with, yet she is not pushy or needy. She's truly a lucky kitty.

You may be thinking that it's easy for a cat to have this state of being, although I would beg to differ. But moving on to a human with whom we can perhaps better relate, my dad is one of those people who is also very comfortable in his own skin.

He seems to completely accept himself, both the good and the bad. One thing I have noticed that others seem to admire in my father is the way he handles himself, and in a variety of situations. He can actively listen and process information but then does not feel the need to jump in just to prove his intelligence or to have a say.

As a result, when he does make a point, he typically chooses his words wisely. He is firm in his beliefs and values, and wiling to share or defend them if necessary, yet he is not out to belittle or one-up anyone else. You probably know people like this -- the ones who often seem to have the right thing to say, but not in a glib or superficial way. Maybe you are similar to my dad in this, and if so, count your blessings.

Perhaps the most important thing that my father, and others who are comfortable in their own skin, has is that he does not easily feel threatened by others. He handles conflict or crazy people with a similar disposition: he listens, he calmly addresses the situation and he does not feel the need to back down or pacify the other person or people, all while showing them respect. He also knows when to walk away.

The reason my father is good at this may be multi-faceted. Yes, he is intelligent and articulate. Yes, he knows how to be diplomatic. Yes, he has a lot of experience with life and with dealing with situations. But none of these ingredients in and of themselves would lead to his consistent way of handling things well if he were not comfortable with and accepting of who he is. You can have incredible talents, and misuse them incredibly, if you do not have a strong sense of self-worth and purpose that is firmly unshaken by life's circumstances.

And, that gets me to the other important thing that I personally think is key for you to be completely at ease with who you are: an awareness of your faults and accountabilty for them, as well as a willingness to work with them.

In order to really be who you are in all situations, you need to be able to admit that you have flaws, learn what those flaws are, be accountable when your flaws mess things up or hurt yourself or others, and remain open to better managing your flaws over the course of your lifetime.

A hugely tall order, no doubt! But, I am convinced that this recognition and accountability bring us to humility, and without humility, we can never really be at ease with our real selves. That is because we would be spending most of our time trying to prove things or trying to disprove to ourselves the fact that there are times when we are not good people.

We usually want to think of ourselves in a positive light, but to be comfortable with who we really are, we must be able to admit to ourselves some of the really bad things about us: jealousy, overindulgence, lack of self-discipline with our words and actions, pettiness. These are but a few examples.

It is not all doom and gloom though. Once we can honestly look at ourselves, then we can address some things that need to be improved and move forward.

Being comfortable in your own skin truly is a challenge and a hope. I strive to get there and keep on trying, falling, getting up again and trying. With each bump on this path, there are times of wanting to give in to self-doubts or disappointment. Yet with each time I get back up, I truly am a bit closer to more fully accepting myself, blemishes and all.

It's a bumpy ride, but one that is really worth it and one that I am certainly glad to take.