Marriage was never intended to be a constantly evolving institution that men can tweak to suit their needs at the moment. Our country is so diverse and freedom is so widespread that we are used to people doing their "own thing" and not paying much attention to others. Defined sciences have become the authority, college professors and judges the evolvers. The concept of marriage is engraved in each person's mind. The problem is each "engraving" is different and nothing resembling the original model at all. Each society has added tradition to flavor the event according to culture, some fitting the Biblical model and some not. In America intellectuallism and humanism is the flavor of the month and we are so used to how we do things that we wonder why anyone would choose to adopt so archaic a concept as is described in the Bible. This article is not to make fun of or belittle anyone because God recognizes all marriage as valid and binding before him. What is intended is to show the marriage concept and how different we see the institution today.

1. Marriage Is Not A 50%-50% Proposition.

Societal norms would have you to believe that there is a dividing line between marriage partners.  Be willing, professionals say to contribute at least 50% to the effort of marriage. But whatever you do, don't give all of yourself, for if you give everything you risk "losing yourself" to the other person.  Losing yourself means psychological damage.  Divide your monies, invest in yourself "just in case" the marriage doesn't work. Have a prenuptial agreement in the event of the worst happening.  And when all is said and done divorce is not the disgrace it used to be, after all, in today's society people change directions so fast that growing apart is inevitable. 

In the Biblical model, God's Word draws no such line between marriage partners and marriage was created to be a forever thing.  Marriage is a mystery in the same way salvation is a mystery.  Marriage was to typify the relationship that Jesus Christ has with His Church.  Jesus doesn't stop with half an effort but gives His all for us including the willingness to bleed and die on Calvary's cross.  I would say that is a 100% commitment, wouldn't you?  To voice such a notion would bring laughter and scorn from the voices of advisors today.  They would tell you that 100%-100% is ridiculous.  They would say, "Imagine, making yourself that vulnerable to another person, even a spouse, is insane.  What happens if one person is a "giver" and the other is a "taker"?   Doesn't a person have to have some safeguards for themselves?"

The Author and Creator of marriage describes two individuals joined by the institution of marriage as being essentially one person, mirroring the relationship between Christ and His church.  He even goes so far as to say: "The two shall be one flesh." [one body, the same person] (Eph. 5:31)

2. Marriage Is Not An Easily Broken Contract.

The World would have you to believe that marriage is only a contract that grew out of the need to standardize laws regarding the rearing of children and to stabilize the concept of commitment between two people.  They would say that this contract of marriage is like any other business contract in society.  That this contract is binding in certain circumstances and is easily breakable in others. 

The truth is God is the Author of marriage and not some business major, expert, or idea man.  He meant the institution of marriage to be a covenant (not a contract) between two people.  There is a difference.  He meant it to be a holy thing not a business thing.  It was not to be for practicality only but to portray a "bridegroom" (Jesus) and His "bride" (the church). "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.  Nevertheless let every one of you so love his wife as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." (Eph. 5:25, 32-33)

3. Marriage is not two (2) people living their lives together.

The current belief is that marriage is simply a living arrangement that involves two people living their lives together harmoniously in one household, that commonality is more important than spirituality.  There is a notion that individual-ity is as important (if not more important) than blending of two lives into one mind, one purpose and one flesh.

The actuality is that God intended marriage to reflect a great mystery.  Jesus Christ redeemed his People with his own blood and we really don't know why other than He loved us.  The love went beyond our sin and our attractiveness and was based on a plane higher than we are.  Similarly, we are to love our wives in that manner.  Even when they are not behaving as you think they should, or when they get up in the morning and they don't look as they do during the day.  We are to love them - period.  We are not to waiver in that love.  Sometimes that is easy.  God lets us see the beauty in our wives and there is harmony between us.  Those times seem sweet as candy.  The talk is comforting and the sex is hot and passionate.  And sometimes the state of marriage is hard.  Sometimes there is nothing lovable about sharing your space with anyone, especially someone you know so well.  What then?  The Bible instructs husbands at that time especially, to love her on a plane higher  than we are.  We are to love her like Christ loved the church.  God would never give us a command that is too hard or impossible to follow.  Husbands, since you are what constitutes the church (individuals like you) that should give you some insight into the role of your wife.  You are to be reverencing God like a wife would a husband.  You are to be a role model for your wife.  If you won't reverence your "Husband" Christ how will she have motivation to reverence you? You are to submit yourself to your God and to your wife as she is to submit herself to her God and to you. (Eph. 5:21)  Men, reflect for a second on how we treat our Lord sometimes.  Didn't you fall short of what he would have wanted you to do?  Aren't you sinful and rebellious before Him at times?  Hasn't your attitude been inharmonious and even incompatable at times?  And yet your Lord loved you and forgave you didn't he?

"Okay", you may say, "but I'm not God.  I can't stand what she does.  She pushes my buttons and knows just what to say to do it.  God is stronger than I am, I can't do it."  You know, you are right.  God is stronger than we men are.  But again I say, why would God command us with an order that could not be obeyed?  He wouldn't.  How then do we accomplish this?  In point of fact we don't do it - God does.  Our focus and role is simple and singular.  You simply love your wife in the light of the Scripture, with prayerful acts of love, independent of her actions.  You love her with more words of prayer and less rash words of mouth.  You return good for evil and make an effort to notice any good she does.  Pray and follow God's lead and He will love her with more love than you could ever manage alone. 

If you husbands are thinking this will be no easy task, consider the plight of your wife.  She must watch you and determine whether or not you are following the Lord.  If you are not she must do what is right despite anything that you do, say, or think.  If you decide to act disobedient to God she can not go along.  Reverence has connotations of deep respect and let's face it most men do little to warrant that kind of respect.  Christian wives are so valuable to us husbands that Proverbs refers to them as more valuable than rubies. (Pro. 31:10-11)  Likewise I would say to you Christian women - encourage your man to be a man of God.  Be thankful and love him as he loves Jesus.  A true man of God is both rare and priceless. You husbands that read this, love your wives and you wives that read this respect your husbands.  Love each other with prayerful acts of selfless love regardless of your spouse's actions.  Grow in love with God and you will grow in love with each other.