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Question from mothersguide:

How to stop the baby from putting everything in his mouth....

Answer:

I would have to say from experience, you don't. Babies naturally love to explore and grow, wait it out.

I wish I had a quick fix, but by putting things in their mouth it helps their immune system as well.

All good wishes,

Ashley

Hi belief713,

Thank you for your question!

How do I groom my child for success?

Excellent question....

I have read so much information on this topic. And I think it comes down to more than one factor, which I will discuss shortly....

What is success and how do we determine it anyway?

From a societal and social conditioning perspective success would be financial, emotional and a host of other meanings. According to wikipedia....

Success may mean: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Success

• A level of social status
• Achievement of an objective/goal

• The opposite of failure

Research shows that most financially successful people in the world have ONE thing and ONE thing only in common. And that's each of them had one person in their lives that encouraged them beyond all else and believed in them NO MATTER WHAT! I find that often (and you can disagree) people that are successful financially generally are successful in other areas as well. This is not in all cases but most of the big players in the financial world know what it takes to be successful. They undersatnd that In order to be successful one must master other areas of life, such as emotions etc.

Back to "How to groom your child for success" ... Just like the study points out. It is imperative to be supportive and believe in our children NO MATTER WHAT! Thats not if they agree to take out the garbage. Thats not if they clean their room on time. Its no matter what the circumstance. I think this one factor alone is imperative. And can make or break their "success" factor. Warmly,

Ashley

www.attachmentparentigblog.com

Hi Ashley,

Great hubs you have. My question is: Why do children sometimes exhibit violent and aggressive behaviour? Like hitting, bitting, pinching, or kicking?

Thank you! Keep up the great hubs :-

Hi Blaise,

I am glad you asked....

When a child is angry it is a good assumption that there are extremely painful feelings underneath. When your child is hurt anger is used as a defense mechanism and a way to cope with painful feelings inside. As adults it is often difficult to acknowledge our child's anger, because if we do we would have to acknowledge our child's pain and sadness as well. With that acknowledgment comes a lot of guilt, so it is easier to accept anger as it is than actually deal with it.

Important Point:

Anger is a defensive mechanism and a coping strategy to cope with very painful feelings. Underneath anger is sadness and pain. When your small child is angry it is because there is pain underneath.

When children are talked to harshly, left alone too much or try to process things that are above their understanding they become frightened. If these incidents occur time and time again children build up mechanisms to cope with these intense situations. Every child processes things differently and one way to process these painful fears is by using anger. Here are some other examples of sources of stress in children that cause fear which may lead to outward anger and aggression:

* Overstimulation in the environment (loud music) * Events that children cannot understand (arguing, yelling) * Physical hurts * Talking harshly * Separation from care giver * Neglect or being ignored * Authoritarian discipline * Unrealistic or high expectations of the child * Exposure to violence * Developmental frustrations * Major life changes * Attention that is conditional on child's behavior * Lack of stimulation * Not sensitively responding to needs * Lack of physical closeness and contact

The stresses above create fear in children that may lead to aggression. It is important to note that every child responds to stress differently. While one child may lash out from stress and fear another may become "shy" and withdrawn. Because a child is "shy" or withdrawn does not mean that the child doesn't have emotional issues. But in our society "shy" is considered more acceptable and anger isn't so it's dealt with differently.

Many stresses are unavoidable such as developmental milestones or overstimulation in the environment. If you have construction going on next door and it is intense and disturbing for your child, well you don't have much choice in the matter do you? Therefore it is impossible to have a child that is always going to be stress free. But many stresses can be prevented, and these stresses are not always obvious to us adults because we are used to them.

We don't realize there are many things we do that cause stress for our children. For example playing an adult T.V. program with our child in the room. Saying "no" loudly. Talking with another adult about stressful events in front of the child. The problem is that we don't see these things as stressful because we are so used to them. Here are some other examples of things we may not consider stressful but in fact may be very stressful for our young ones:

* Forcefully making our child get dressed * Getting our child eat more dinner when they are full * Telling our child that we don't like it when they are sad or mad * Saying "no" loudly * Leaving our child to cry in a room by themselves * Time outs * Telling our child that they should be happy when they don't feel happy * Hard to understand T.V. and movie programs * Rushing from one lesson or activity to the next, a fast paced lifestyle that does not suit our child * Video games, movies, action packed everything!

Important Point:

Stressors that seem normal to us are in fact may be very stressful for our children.

Children deal with stress in different ways, some become extroverted about it with aggression and others internalize it by becoming withdrawn.

Hope that helps! You can read more about this on my other hub : Attachment Parenting Source

Warmly,

Ashley Ryan

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