So you like playing guitar. Your fingers form air chords while slacking off at the job. You have your Les Paul hang so low that Slash is jealous. Or are you the quiet type that dreams of being the next Bob Dylan?

Something about guitars scream coolness in America. Chicks dig them, guys give you respect, and musicians always want to try your gear out. If you can relate to this, then you’re a guitarist. But just what kind are you? Read on to see my list of the type of guitarist you are (please note I am biased in the list and that the types of guitarists apply only to rock, blues, and folk genres).

You love guitar, can move your fingers really fast, and always imagine yourself wailing out “Eruption” in front of a thousand screaming fans. The only problem…you’ve never gotten around to playing. My friend, you are The Dreamer, master of the air guitar, not afraid of whom sees you and how weird they will assume you are.

Pros: You don’t have to spend a dime on gear and more importantly, you don’t need to know how to play.

Cons: Air guitar is right up there with imaginary friends. It just ain’t cool.

Solos…who needs solos? Too much hurt is going on, peace must be sought, and love must be made. Put together three chords and grab a pen, that’s all you need. You are The Songwriter, poet of the acoustic guitar. Lyrics are just as important, if not more, than the music. Your ideal locations are campfires, busy street corners, and coffee houses.

Pros: No band required. People always find The Songwriter wise and intelligent, and laid back is your nature. Bonus points if the twelve-string is your weapon of choice.

Cons: You can’t rock out. People will pigeon hole you as a limited musician (just what happened to Dylan when he switched to electric). Some people may get annoyed.

You worship Muddy Waters, T-Bone Walker, Stevie Ray...you hated the 80’s guitarists. Joe Satriani is your sworn enemy and Steve Vai is the antichrist. You probably wield a Fender Telecaster or Stratocaster. Baby, you’re The Traditionalist…blues runs through your veins and there’s a women who’s done you wrong. While others may claim solos should be all taps, sweeps, and pinch harmonics, you rely on your trusted bended notes (and possible slide).

Pros: The blues never changes and neither does the playing style. You wail out sorrow and frustration with your bends. Blues guitarists don’t need to by flashy to look cool, they just are by nature.

Cons: No modernity. Blues is all but a dead art form in most modern music (although Jack White may be an exception to the rule). Younger generations will hate your claims and many will even deny that blues influenced rock music at all.

You can’t understand why they call classic rock “classic” when you still think it has never ended. You worship the likes of Clapton, Hendrix, and Page. All you need to make a song is a sweet riff and catchy chorus. Man, you’re The Rocker. You are almost guaranteed to play a Stratocaster, Les Paul, or any form of hollow body. “Stairway Heaven” has not only always been, but will always be the greatest song of all time.

Pros: You don’t need to be good looking to pick up chicks. You will always be the showman in a band. People love strong riffs, and will worship you if you can solo for more than a minute.

Cons: Much like The Traditionalist, you’re art form is dead. People traded bell bottoms in for emo-pants five years ago. Doing drugs became uncool. Metal kicked you out of the picture in the 80’s.

Johnny Ramone, Mohawks, and lots of puking. You never took a lesson in a day in your life, and you may never have touched a guitar before but that won’t stop you from playing. Besides that, much like The Songwriter, three chords is all you need. You’re The Punker, lover of the trash scene who really doesn’t care if your music sucks. Loud and fast is all good music is about anyway.

Pros: You don’t need to know how to play. Songs can be as short as 20 seconds. Not only do you not need skills, you don’t even need good looks. Punk may have outlived its heyday, but bands like Green Day carry your torch and plus, the Germs just reunited.

Cons: You don’t know how to play. Songs sometimes are only 20 seconds (wtf?!). You look like dressed in a garbage can.

Read the description for The Punker. The only difference is that you hate your parents and life blows.

Fast, LOUD, Power. You don’t care about anyone and you absolutely hate punk music. You secretly thought of murdering the members of Metallica when they cut their hair, but you probably just bought their newest CD. You are The Shredder (not the one from The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): Your fingers are lightening fast and you play more notes in one solo that most guitarists play during a whole album. You’re biggest influences are Van Halen, Tommy Iommi, and, even though you won’t admite it, classical music.

Pros: You are all about technique and precision. You have truly mastered your weapon and aren’t afraid to show it. Besides that, you just don’t give a care about what people think about you’re music. They’re all just whiners.

Cons: You’re only tempo: Fast. You’re only level: Loud. Sometimes your solos go on just a little bit too longer. More to the point, subtlety is not in your dictionary. Negative points if you play cheesy ballads as well.

And finally…

You don’t need a rhythm guitarist because you do it all, solos, rhythms, overdubs. You can sing and play without a flinch. You’re solos brings people to tears and make believers out of the most strong willed. Your don’t play the guitar...you make love to it. Bow down imitators, these guys are The Chosen Ones. Your Mount Rushmore includes: Clapton, Hendrix, Page, Allman.

Pros: You’re title is The Chosen One. You’re hands weren’t made to play guitar. The guitar was made to be played in your hands.

Cons: There are no cons.

Well, hopefully you found my very subjective list of guitarists entertaining. Don’t worry if you feel you fit into more than one category. Many guitarists have crossed over, (one that comes to mind is Neil Young). No matter what type you are, always remember, you play the guitar and that’s all that matters.