Note From Emma Balmer: I am a licensed funeral director and embalmer and I write about matters concerning death and the funeral service industry. I like to look at the lighter side of mortality. Even though my articles are often written in a tongue-in-cheek manner, it is not my intention to make fun of the dying, bereavement, or funerary processes. I take death seriously when I have to, but I'm also able to laugh about it at times. Like most morticians, this helps to keep my sanity intact.

So, you've been asked to be a pallbearer. What does that mean? Well, that means that you are a realtive or good friend of the greiving family and that you are in adequate physical condition to do the job. You're probably asking yourself what the duties include and what you should do. I often encounter lost and confused pallbearers that are unsure of what to do, where to go, and how to act. To combat this element of the unknown, I have written this article to provide you with some insight into what you should expect on the day of the funeral.

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Those named as "active" pallbearers are the ones expected to actually carry the casket. Active bearers usually stay together throughout the service. The information found in this article is geared toward active pallbearers. Honorary bearers do nothing. They are just named by the family to ensure that they feel important. Honorary bearers don't have to meet in a group, carry the casket, or sit together. They can just experience the funeral like everyone else and enjoy seeing their names printed in the memorial folders.

It's a good idea to get your funeral clothing figured out before the day of the funeral. Since you're a pallbearer, you should dress nice and you clothing should be clean and neat. Use your best judgement when picking out your suit. A formal tuxedo is inappropriate and would stick out like a sore thumb. A nice dark-colored 3-piece suit is common and perfectly acceptable. Everyone seems to think so, but you do not have to wear black to a funeral. Dark grey is just fine. Some funeral services are more informal and wouldn't even necessitate suit-clad pallbearers. I've directed funeral service where the bearers wore jeans and work boots. Like I said, use your best judgement here.

Another good idea would be to contact the funeral home. When talking to a funeral director on the phone, introduce yourself as one of the pallbearers and make sure that you know where the funeral facilities are located (church or funeral home). It's also a good idea to verify that your name is spelled correctly in any memorial folders there may be.

It's best for you to arrive early. When you walk into the funeral home or church, sign the register book (if there is one) on the desiganted "bearers" page. Then located a funeral director and introduce yourself as one of the active pallbearers.

You will then be given brief instructions and probably instructed to meet at a certain gathering location where all of the pallbearers will go before the service. Your wife (or husband if you are a female pallbearer) will probably then be seated in the chapel area while you wait. Some funeral homes provide pallbearers with gloves. If this is the case, each bearer will receive one glove that's meant to cover the hand used to carry the casket. This is a very traditional practice and is not used everywhere.

Once all of the pallbearers are gathered, a funeral director will probably issue some more detailed instructions. This is usually what I say to a group of active pallbearers before a service starts:

Hello gentlemen, the service is about to start and in a moment I will lead you into the chapel area. I would like you to line up according to height, with the tallest one on either end of the line. I will show you to the pews reserved specifically for you. Please remain standing while the rest of pallbearers get situated in their spots. Look to me and I will nod to signal for you all to sit together. Remain seated throughout the service. At the end, when everyone except the immediate family has passed by the open casket, I will signal for all of you to stand together. You will then file past the open casket to pay your last respects. Exit through the chapel doors and wait in the hallway while the family has their private time with the casket. After the family leaves and the casket is closed, I will gather you all together again and bring the casket to you. It will be on a wheeled device called a church truck. With bearers on each side of the casket, you will lift it and carry it to the hearse. Once you're at the hearse door, set the casket on the rollers in the hearse and pass the casket on to the person in front of you. Once we're at the cemetery, meet me behind the hearse. Does anyone have any physical concerns? Does anyone favor one hand over the other? Do you gentlemen have any questions?

After the chapel service, the procession will take the casket to the cemetery for short graveside services and burial. At the cemetery, I usually give these instructions to the pallbearers:

Alright, gentlemen, I need you to line up behind the hears when I open the back door. Half on one side and half on the other. Face the hearse and I will strt pulling the casket out. Grab the handles and pass the casket on to the person behind you until it is completely out of the coach and everyone is in their spot. Once you are carrying it, we will back up and pivot around to head toward the grave. Walk slowly and follow me. You will then place the casket on the device located over the open grave. Be careful of the boards and astro-turf coverings. Once the casket is in place, you may join your families. You are not required to stand together or do anything else. Thank you, gentlemen.

Back in the day, bearers were needed to carry the dead to their graves. When most folks were being buried on the church grounds, there wasn't really a need for pallbearing. As cities grew, cemeteries were located farther and farther away from churches and funeral parlours. That's when bearers were needed to carry the dead farther distances. Soon, horse-drawn wagons were used to perform this task. Then came the horse-drawn hearses and later the motorized funeral coaches. As that evolved, pallbearers became more and more obsolete. Now, their role is more traditional than functional, usually just putting the casket into and pulling it out of the hearse. Like many other mortuary practices, this tradition is very important in creating meaningful funeral ceremonies for the living. Because that's who funerals are for; they're for the living.