What Panties Would Neo Wear? Latex Lingerie From The Matrix

The Matrix is all around you. It has you. You're a little copper top powering a race of evil robots, but you might as well enjoy the benefits of your situation, access to some digitally sweet lingerie. (And Rob Zombie remixes which are most excellent also. Edgy, yet very mainstream.)

The chosen material of lingerie in the matrix is latex. It's stylish, futuristic, and you can peel it on and off whilst bathing in the opulence of a red goo bath. With latex lingerie, there's no need to get pulled aboard a ship, full of metallic holes and butt naked.

Without further ado, lets explore the latex offerings I have discovered on the interwebs as a little location called Eros Boutique.

Perfect for distracting the machines and insulating against unexpected shocks when tampering with damp computers and telephones, wearing this latex lingerie would make one the proverbial lady in red. You know the one. The lady in red who distracts Neo at a crucial moment during his training and could have gotten his head blown off. That's right, this outfit represents terminal hotness.

I didn't see any pirates in any of the Matrix movies, but that doesn't mean that they weren't there. In fact, I think the fact that you couldn't see any pirates is strong evidence for their existence. After all, if there weren't any pirates, then.... ooh shiny latex!

This isn't technically lingerie either, so we're really off to a bad start here, but I reckon if Trinity had dressed this way, there would have been more chance that Neo's theoretical attraction to her would have seemed likely. (Seriously, has there ever been a more flaccid onscreen romance? Neo seemed more attracted to Morpheus than Trinity, and who could blame him, that gravelly deep voice coupled with a slow and thoughtful delivery won him the US election in 2008. Or was that Obama? I forget. Latex fumes will do that to you.)

What is a corsellete? I don't know, but I think it is the latex love child of Trinity and Lady Gaga. Observe my pictorial evidence which supports this fact. At any rate, it is indisputably the most matrixy piece of latex lingerie I've seen today, and that is evidence enough to suggest that this is the lingerie Neo would wear. Look, there's even a special place for stockings to attach. The savior of mankind and machines alike would never go anywhere without his stockings.

Outside of this article, there is a lingerie scaffold. Go to it. Get your lingerie. See you on the other side.