But this particular incident started with a phone call.

The social worker and I had met before so when she called I was not overly alarmed this time until she told me that they had received a report of domestic violence and she asked if I was able to talk.

That got my attention.

If you are being abused, what are you meant to tell them?

Naturally enough I denied the claim.

Then she told me she needed to speak to my at the time husband.

Now, if you suspect there is domestic abuse, why would you antagonise the person that you suspect of doing the abusing.? Wouldn't that just make him mad and then act out at the others in the house?

I tried subtley to dissuade her from doing that as I knew what the consequences would be but she was not to be deterred. She insisted on talking to the man himself.

So, I braved up and went to tell him that there was a call from Social Welfare on the phone and that they had a report of domestic violence and she wanted to speak to him.

His response was colourful and he asked me what I had told her. I told him that there was no problem that he just needed to go and talk to her.

He waited a while before going over to the phone and then walked out of the room with it so I couldn't hear.

When he came back I hesitantly asked her what they had discussed and he told me that he had told her to f#$% off.

Well, then it was interrogation time as I knew that it would be.

He asked me who I had been talking to and what I had said.

He quizzed me as to who I thought may have done this.

For him it was all about revenge. He was angry and he wanted to take it out on someone. I was the likely scapegoat as I was the one at hand.

One can only wonder why the Social Welfare dept whose job it is to help protect those who are unable to help themselves, would even consider putting an abused spouse in that kind of position.

They call and wind the spouse up by telling them of the allegation and then leave them to take it out on the very spouse that Social Welfare alleges that they are trying to protect.

Did they come to visit the next day to see if I was alright? No!

I don't get it. I didn't get it then and I still don't get it.

Who makes these rules up? Definitely not someone who has been on the receiving end of a hand or a boot or an object.

It bothers me cause I am sure that there are many women out there living in far more violent situations than I did and some of them may end up dead as the result of one of these phone calls.

I had to give them the names of three friends who had been in our home and knew us well and I had to pick carefully as I didn't want any of my close friends slipping up and telling her yes.

She also called my next door neighbours so I had that shame to live with too.

He was careful and never did it when others could see.

I paid for that phone call over and over again for a long time to come.

Finally after a couple of weeks we received a letter from the social welfare Department telling us that they could find no evidence of Domestic Abuse but they made a recommendation that my now ex-husband go for anger management (no shit!)

I hid that letter and never showed him. I sure didn't want a tangible reminder for him.

Within the next 8 months, I had my husband arrested and charged with aggravated terrorising.

He pled guilty after the initial arraignment and I was happy about that as it meant that I did not have to go to court and face him again. The first time was hard enough.

I met up with the Social Worker who had made the phone call when I was down at the local Social Services Dept. so I stopped in and had a chat with her.

I asked her why they had to talk to the spouse and she replied that it was so they had a chance to defend themselves as it was a serious allegation.

I said, then if you suspect that they are already abusing the woman, why would you wind them up and leave the woman in the house to bear the brunt of his anger and she told me that it was the rules that they had.

She said, "You had denied that there was any abuse going on"

And I answered, "What the hell else could I have said? What were you going to do for me? You called me on the phone and ask me this and I am still there. If I had said Yes, what would you have done"

And she said, "Well then we would have had to do something".

I could have been dead, my children could have been dead by the time they had done something.

All I can say is that the people making the rules need to wake up.

If there is a suspected domestic violence case, then support systems should automatically be put in place to safeguard the woman and her children if any.

Not just a phone call that was destined to make the woman's life a nightmare for some time to come.