What To Put In A First Letter To A Prison Pen Pal
81As Well As What NOT To Put In
The need for a letter writing guide for communicating with prison pen pals became clear to me in 2004. At that time, my wife and I lived in Anaconda, Montana. More days than not, my "me time" was spent having lunch with a close friend at MacDonald's. Let's call him "Jack" (not his real name).
Jack was in his early fifties, a truly good man, but had never been married. He had been engaged once. As we visited regularly over double cheeseburgers and dollar fries, the conversation sometimes touched on my ongoing practice of writing women in prison. Then, natually, came the question:
Could I share a few?
What I did was to pick out a few ladies I thought MIGHT be compatible with him, and encouraged HIM to write them. (He does not have a computer.) The results were disastrous, and I suddenly realized that not all people knew how to do this. So let's get started.
Thankfully We Have Word Processors These Days
Tools Of The Trade
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How to Write It: Complete Guide to Everything You'll Ever Write
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Chicken Soup for the Prisoner's Soul: 101 Stories to Open the Heart and Rekindle the Spirit of Hope, Healing and Forgiveness (Chicken Soup for the Soul)
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Things To Include
Prisons have strict rules about permitted correspondence. Each state is different, but a few things tend to be pretty universal:
1. Place your full name and address at the top of the letter every time you write (not just the first time). The mail room usually opens the mail, trashes the envelope, and gives the inmate ONLY the contents. Without that full address, the institution will not trust you and your friend won't know where to write.
2. As your opening statement, BRIDGE. That is, give your new friend (male or female doesn't matter) a reason to see common ground between you. It could be something as complicated as a taste in poetry or as simple as the fact that you hail from the same state. Remember, you are a stranger, and the recipient's life has not likely given him or her reason to trust people at first contact.
3. Tell a few things about yourself, honestly and openly. Age, background, physical description, interests, education, whatever. Not ten pages of biography; there will be time enough for that. But a page or so to provide the beginnings of an accurate picture of you as a person, yes. Something funny is okay (within reason), and if you have trouble writing humor, I'll even help (if you want) for free.
4. Without being pushy, say something about what you are looking for. Just a platonic friend, or getting to know each other, or (as we have done for specific situations) a frank statement. (Such as our advising our goal to eventually have additional staff to care for my disabled wife in return for room and board.)
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Things That Should NOT Be Included
1. Any specific mention of a prisoner pen pal ad. In most states, that does not matter, but some officially hate pen pal ads and will confiscate any letter they know came from one. Contraband, they say. Which is ridiculous, but there it is, with Florida being the absolute worst. Most importantly, such a mention can actually get the inmate in trouble for daring to place the ad in the first place!
2. Do not make mention of his/her crime in your first letter. If you get a return letter, there will be plenty of time to discuss that later.
3. Do not include anything OTHER than the letter itself. Every state has a website where we can THEORETICALLY check out the rules for corresponding with inmates, but not every site is easy to access or navigate. Simplest is to wait, even on photos or stamps, until your correspondent can advise you regarding the rules at that institution.
In closing: Pam and I have been corresponding with incarcerated folks for more than a decade and expect to continue as long as we live. To us, the rewards are more than worth what effort it takes. Hopefully, you will agree.
Thanks for reading,
Ghost32
Slammer! (A New Women-In-Prison Musical)
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Comments
To my readers:
I don't even know for sure if the above Comment (seeking a "penpalum") is for real or not, but it has a FEEL of being the real thing. So, although (a) this Hub is focused on people in prison rather than in Korea and (b) I don't personally penpal with minors as a matter of policy...I'm going to leave his message in play for a while at least. Perhaps someone will choose to pen-friend this young gentleman, or at least perhaps someone will know enough to tell me whether or not "sejinbut" is a common name in Korea....
Ah! My wife proofread these Comments and pointed out that the writer's name is actually, "park sejin...BUT..." NOT "park sejinbut"! Oops. My bad.
thanks to reading my comment sirnaturally that isn't joke that i've been looking for the penpal and it is the first time talking with foreign on the internetit is very sad that i can't understand what you said absolutely but i can FEEL that you are so kind that understand me and said me a gentlemani don't mind if you call me "sejinbut"or "park se-jin(my real name)"that is important i having conversation with you (foreign,who instruct the point what i wrote in wrong way)
i can assure that you can understand or satisfied with my comment(this comment)i'm sorry but this is the essental of my english leveland i know that it is impossible to penpal with this english level i know but this is the only way to study english without lots of money (and the right choice in my poor house situation )
sorry to say that and make you hear my complain sorry
White jini, I am not a good penpal for you. Please try visiting http://www.youthonline.ca/penpals/ or doing a Yahoo search or a Google search for "penpals youth". If you do that, you could find a penpal your own age from around the world.
I always wondered about answering those things as I sometimes get ads for prison penpals in my junk mail and have surfed through a few of the related sites. Thanks for sharing your experience. Interesting, indeed.
Frank, I deleted your comment as it was a clear effort to promote another site. Please note the instructions below which state, "Comments are not for promoting your hubs or other sites."
Ghost32
I wish I had happened along your site a couple of days ago. I didn't put my name and address in the actual letter, only on the envelope. I also made the mistake of mentioning the add/profile (what I actually put) in the beginning of the letter. Should I re-write the letters? Thx.
Schnitt, mentioning the ad/profile may or may not have been disastrous. It depends on the state; some frown on pen pals via the Internet, but some are quite encouraging in that regard.
However, your idea of rewriting the letters "just in case" is probably a good one. So yes, I'd do that, simply mention at the outset that you neglected to include the address in the first letter...and go from there.
hi there!
im 17 and wanting to write to a penpal, i know i am to young but im 18 soon and i know you shouldn't lie but they carn't find out can they?
I'm looking at writing to someone in the USA and im really excited as it sounds silly but i just want to make them happier by having someone to write to (if that makes sense) i know im only 17 and it could get me in trouble but will and can they possibly find out?
thankyou!x
Aimee, I applaud your interest in writing...but I really do hope you wait until you turn 18. Will or can they possibly find out? PROBABLY not, but POSSIBLY yes. I know what it feels like to have to wait at your age--I almost left home on the run at age 16, forced myself to wait until I turned 18, and can remember every second of that waiting.
But bear with me here: Your desire is to help someone, and that's wonderful. But by writing when you're still technically a minor, you could actually hurt them. Let's say the person you choose to write turns out to be someone considered a child molester by the authorities. I'm not saying this theoritcal man IS one--he could even have been someone convicted unjustly, and yes, that does happen. But what if they were closely watching HIM, and believe me, there are some inmates they do watch closely.
Let's say he (innocently) struck up a correspondence with you, all excited and not even knowing you were 17 (and you couldn't tell him up front, because prison authorities may very well read your letters before they give them to him). They could cause HIM trouble...and believe me, yes, the prison staff CAN be this petty and vindictive at times.
So it's best to be squeaky clean, play it by the rules, take no chances.
That doesn't mean you have to hold off completely in the meantime...except that you have to lie to enter the pen pal websites, all of which (to protect themselves) want you to first be 18. And again, it's not likely to get you into trouble...but it could get the website into trouble. If, for example, the enemies of such sites (and there are more such than you might imagine) are able to subpoena the site's records and discover that a LOT of underage users are cruising a given site, they might well be able to force that site to shut down. Which of course shuts down an outlet for the inmates to advertise for goodhearted correspondents such as yourself.
Now: Aimee, I'm going to go on the belief that even if it is hard to wait, that you'll one day go ahead and follow through--which I very much hope you do. With that in mind, I make just one request: Please use a post office box and do not give your correspondent your home address. As an older couple (Pam and myself) writing female inmates, and having many years of experience with literally hundreds of correspondents, we don't have to follow that rule.
But we do. We have pen pals who know exactly where we live, but we've known them for some time. In the beginning, and especially as a female contacting a male, you need to protect yourself "just in case".
Thank you for your advice, i have researched about a PO box a while back and would definatly not give them my home address. I have been thinking about it and i am going to wait till i'm 18, its not that far away (January) so hopefully time will fly!
I have been looking on the website - wwww.writeaprisoner.com
on this website you can look to see what they are in prison ffor, most of them are Robbery and nothing too serious, could it possibly be a lie because i really do not want to write to a child molester etc.
I really apreciate your advice :)
thankyou!
You've definitely got your head on straight, Aimee. And I really applaud your decision to wait until January. (I like that month anyway--my Mom and two of my numerous exes were/are January ladies.)
Writeaprisoner is a good, solid site. You'll note (probably already have noted) that if you click on "see crime", it sends you to the appropriate state DOC (Department of Corrections) website--some of which are easy to navigate, some impossible. Not all states will give you the person's record, but the ones that do are very helpful. Yes, the inmate may lie, but: (1) We've yet to see one fib about that--usually it's more things like using someone else's photo--but a child molester certainly might try. (2) If you dig until you find a State website record, it will be correct, and you can rest easy.
As to the child molester specifically, that sort of person might not be all that interested in you, anyway. The true pedophile usually goes for a much younger person. It just never hurts to keep yourself covered. If you choose a person who is in for Robbery (which we have done), it's good to remember that the odds are pretty good the deed might have been done to obtain drug money...and you need to consider the possibility of your correspondent being addicted. Way more than half of the people inside are there for an act that was in some way related to drugs either directly or indirectly.
A note specifically about Florida: That state hates their inmates getting mail from pen pals found via the Internet. So if you pick a person incarcerated in Florida, DO NOT say anything in your letter about finding them through an ad. It's a ridiculous and oppressive rule (by Florida) and one I don't mind circumventing one bit.
Oh, and yes:
You're welcome!
White jini says:
10 months ago
wow it must be good info to me to get a penpalum..........my real name is park se-jinbut that kind of name isn't exist in usa or some other country whereusing english so which is better?to say my real name or my english name?and if i say to you my english name then i just can't tell you my first namebecause i don't have thatum..........i've been looking for penpal friend but i think that isn't that easy
i'm 17 years old boyit is enough to hear "your almost adult now"and i also hear that "the time is now that you have to study hardto get great job in the future"
i usually use this e-mail (qkrtpwls314@naver.comif you are interested in this poor english, who living in south korea please send me an e-maili hope to be your friend soon