What You Should Know About High Hub Pressure
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Hub Pressure: The Silent Killer
I went to the doctor this morning for my annual physical. My cholesterol is good, my lungs are clear and my heart is still beating away, but the doctor sat me down afterwards and gave me some terrifying news. “Your hub pressure is sky high!”
“Hub pressure?” What the hell is hub pressure? My doctor explained it was a fairly new sickness. Seems a physician in England discovered the condition after his blood pressure rose after reading and commenting on articles on Hubpages.com.
“Are you a hubber?,” he asked?
“Well”, I replied, “I’ve been known to hub every once in awhile.”
“Just every once in awhile? Are you sure?” he asked
Knowing it was self-defeating to lie, I decided to come clean. “Ok, doc, you got me. I’m on Hubpages.com daily. I read, I comment and I post a new hub once in awhile.”
“Do you post in the forums?”, he asked? "Are you a user?"
“Is that dangerous?” I asked
“It can be”, he said. “Although we don’t know a lot about Hub Pressure, yet, we do know it can be deadly. The forums have sent many a hubber to the emergency room. High Hub Pressure is just as bad (if not worse) than heart disease. You don’t want to give yourself a hub attack, do you?”
“Well, of course not”, I replied. “I want to stay healthy. Is there anything I can do to lower my hub pressure?”
“There are a few things”, he said. “You can quit. That’s the best option. Although we know that the truly addicted find it difficult to just stop, there are a few things we’ve found to help out hub pressure patients. For example, I can prescribe the patch.”
“The nicotine patch?” I asked
My doctor laughed. “No, the hub patch. It works like the nicotine patch, except that instead of releasing nicotine into the bloodstream it releases a steady dose of reality. It’s quite effective. Some patients report that their hubbing drops 60% after the first month. In fact, I know one guy who is down to just 2 comments per week. Pretty good, huh?”
“I don’t know”, I said, “I’ve got it pretty bad. Besides, I don’t know if I want to quit.”
“That’s what my patients usually say. I think as long as you cut down your hubbing activities, refrain from dealing with idiots in the forum and stay clear of the right wing, Anti-Christ/Obama hubs, you’ll be around to hub for many more years. It also might not hurt for you to get out of the house and get some fresh air once in awhile. Exercise is essential for addicted hubbers. Turn off your computer and take a walk, Then come home, relax and maybe read a book, or visit a friend.”
“What’s a book?” I asked
“Books were something people read before Hubpages was created”, he answered.
I was amazed at this man’s knowledge.
“What is a friend?”, I asked, a little embarrassed at my stupidity.
“Friends were something people had before Hubpages. A friend is like a fan, except that you visit with them in person and interact and go places, have dinner and drinks, etc., instead of just leaving fan mail and comments for them.”
I felt stupid. There was so much I didn’t know. I did realize however that I had to listen to my doctor. He was the expert. Me? I’m just a low-life dirty, little, two finger-typing hubber. I'm disgusted with myself.
“Joe”, he said wrapping up our meeting “We in the medical profession call hub pressure the silent killer. Don’t let it snatch you from the prime of your life. If you don’t lower your hub pressure, we may have to resort to surgery and I’ll have to remove your hubendix”
“My hubendix? What the hell is that?, I asked panicking. I didn’t even know I had a hubendix.”
“You don’t”, he said. “It’s just my little joke. I’ll see you in six months.”
Signs You May Be Having a Hub Attack
Flushed feeling, cold sweats, aggravation, feelings of frustration, banging your head on your desk, throwing your keyboard across the room and bitch slapping your monitor and shouting out, "I can't believe what this f**king idiot wrote" are all possible signs that you could be experiencing a hub attack. Hub attacks are potentially fatal. If you find yourself experiencing any (or all of the above symptoms above, immediately shut down your computer and notify emergency medical personnel immediately.
Most importantly:
DO NOT WRITE when having hub attack symptoms
DO NOT REPLY to anything in the Hubpages forums when experiencing a Hub attack.
DO NOT IGNORE THE SYMPTOMS: If you disregard the symptoms of hub attacks and high hub pressure the results can be deadly. Do not become a statistic.
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Comments
Thanks Jim. I'm doing a bit better this afternoon. In fact, I'm just about to take my dog out to a place called "the park" It's supposed to be a place where people go to walk, relax and chill out. I've heard that these "parks" were quite popular before Hubpages.
I appreciate your comment.
rock on joe, this one's hilarious -- with just that needed touch of truth to it! LMAO!
Thanks, Bruce. I can always count on you to come through with a nice comment. Keep your hub pressure low, buddy.
Joe- I guess who so ever said "speech is silver and silence is golden" must have had a bad brush at the HP forums..LOL
i'm an online junkie so I totally relate to this hub! LOL btw, just got back from prettywasted.com and it sure looks like its ready to rumble! it's awesome and obviously a lot of work (and a lot of heart) went to its creation! congratulations! :D
Thank you countrywomen. Those are words that I (especially) should be living by. Thank you for the comment.
Thank you for the comment CrisA. I just HAD to get it all out of me. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks also for checking out Prettywasted.com. I'm far from finished with it though. I eventually would like to interview a few hubbers and try to snag a few "guest hubs" from people-with backlinks provided, of course. We'll see where it goes. :)
Trust me I know! LOL i specially like the "what you may have missed" section, sort of like an updater for those who have no time for backtracking the hubtivity, sheer genius! not all hubbers are hubaholics like us! :D
I'm making this comment, rockinjoe, at the risk of suffering from a hub attack, but I must have the addiction because I found this to be interesting and well written. I guess I should dial 911 now!
LOL! This is too familiar!
I love your Totally Wasted site--and thanks for the links to some of my hubs!
I still get the occasional piece of hate mail in my comments but I'm learning to just not respond. It does scare me though that some people can be so intense and hostile when they disagree with what I write.
I do get out of the house a lot these days, but friends--there's a concept. I haven't had a friend (except for Bill, who I live with) in a long time. It seems like everybody, including me, is so busy with work and family there isn't any time left over. I remember growing up in a neighborhood where most of the women were stay at home mothers. They used to have coffee together every day or two, and they got together to take the kids to the beach or park or whatever every so often, but these days it seems like people don't even know who their neighbors are, much less feel like they can just drop in for coffee and talk.
In lots of ways I think we've lost not just real wages but quality of life too. Now everyone works all the time and no one seems to know anybody, except online. I think it's an epidemic--it's not confined to Hub Pages.
Great hub. Funny, but too true.
Thanks again, Cris. I hope Pretty Wasted is a stop you make often during your internet addiction:)
William, thank you for the kind words. They are much appreciated. First rule when having a hub attack is to swallow a tranquilzer or a shot of good bourbon:)
Hi Pam. Thanks for the compliments on the site. It's still very much a work in progress. I worry about hate mail in cases like ours, because we're both "out there", as far as real names and photograhs. (hmmm, unless you're using someone else's picture, Mr. Grundy) But yeah, you MUST be careful. People are crazy today.
You're also correct about friends and neighbors. People today are so wrapped up in their jobs (or lack of jobs) and the internet, that it's becoming a very shallow closed in type of world. I know it's not true just of Hubpages, but that's where I spend a great deal of my time. Thanks for stopping by
You didn't tell your doctor that your hub writing has escalated to publishing a hub every day. You said--and I quote, "I post a new hub every once in a while." You can't lie to your doctor! Don't you know that Hippocrates will give you kidney stones for that? (Or is it "hub rocks?") Not to mention "hubberoids!" Man, you're in for it now!
I loved the line that friends are like fans, only you meet them. That's an instant classic! Great job on the site, too. Well done all around!
Hmmm... so that's it! I knew I wasn't feeling quite right and thought it might be my blood pressure. Never thought that it might be my hub pressure, instead!
Thanks for a very enlightening hub, rockinjoe!
Thanks Christoph. Very much appreciated. "Hubberoids" is hysterical. I wish I had thought of that.
Hi Em, Just try to relax and take it easy. And of course, see your doctor if you experience any of the above symptoms. It's better to be safe than sorry. Thanks for stopping by:)
I hope you don't decide to quit! If you went cold turkey, that would leave the rest of us in Rockinjoe withdrawal. Also, I tried to quit, once. The detox nearly killed me! I don't recommend it.
Thanks, B.T. Nice compliment. Don't worry. You're not going anywhere, you're just as hooked as I am...maybe more.
This made me laugh so hard. Though only 4 weeks in, I find myself looking foward to a spare 5 minutes to write, comment, read, etc. I thought Hubpages was going to be my relaxation, but like you, I find the addiction does sometimes raise my heart rate too!!! Thanks for the humor today, I needed it badly!!!
Rockinjoe: OMG! This was funny! I am amazed by the ability of the human mind to create, you are great! And hubpendix?! LOL!!!
Thanks for the chuckles.
I have not been at it long, but find my self going on more and more every day. It is a great hub keep up the great work.
Thanks for the nice comment, Marlene. I hope you're having a better day. Please keep an eye on you hub pressure.
Hi VioletSun. I'm glad you liked the hub. I think my sudden creative spark is due to the painkillers I took for the back I twisted while shoveling snow the other day:)
Hi njdiamonds. Very nice of you to stop by and leave a nice comment. Please make sure your hub pressure stays in check.
I'm afraid. I'm very afraid.
Hey rockinjoe it's great to see your friends have rallied around you in your hour of need. Man you need a good dose of Hubality. Trust me it's only the Christmas Holidays. It will do it every time. About once every twelve months so I've been told.
Now get a grip on yourself face up to your fears, click that button that says "Forum" and you will be right for another twelve months. Or next Christmas whichever comes first!
All the best for the New Year .
btw who is the poor guy who fell down the steps?
btw2 great job on "pretty wasted" is that a Joomla site? It's got real potential!
I tried the patch...forget it...I tried the friend thing...oh wow...and then the book..well let me tell you...I had to go find another web site to release in...but keep trying hun...and do watch that hub-pressure...It can really jerk you around....Love it you are so funny...Thanks for the smiles you always bring to us...G-Ma :o) Hugs (p.s. thanks for becoming my fan...how sweet)
Hi Tom Rubenoff. I checked out your profile and you seem to be a very smart well-educated guy. What the heck are you doing reading my hubs? (Thanks for the comment:)
Thanks, agvulpes. I would definitely be paddling upstream were it not for my friends. I LOVE the word hubality. You should get a patent on it before someone else steals it. Well, I'll see what I can do about going back to the forums, but I'm not going to make any promises. There seem to be a bunch of anger issues there. I might be better off on Facebook.
Thanks so much for the New Year wishes. Same to you and your family. I really appreciate your checking out Prettywasted.com and hope you return often. It's still in its infancy. Yes, it is a Joomla site, as a matter of fact. I got halfway done with everything and then thought I would have been better off with a Wordpress site-but I don't feel like ripping everything down again. (Oh, the guy in the photo didn't fall. I suspect he was pushed:)
G-Ma! How could I not become your fan? You've left some terribly funny comments in my other hub and since it's a contest, I haven't been commenting on them, but I want you to know how appreciated they are. YOU ROCK!
So fuuuunnny Joe, I threw out the patches ages ago, and now the twitching has eased off a bit I can finally type again. My Doctor recommends this as therapy :)
My husband has been asking about my hub scores almost everyday ever since I joined Hubpages.com. I guess not only the hub writers need to be aware of getting hub attack but also have to watch out your spouses. Perhaps your sweetheart is on high risk getting high hub pressure due to over exposure to environmental hub writings create by yourself.
Ah! I can't make my husband quit smoking so I guess he can't make me quit hub writing either. Life is fair!
Thanks Cindy. You're a funny lady, so I know if you laughed, it must be pretty good. I think your twitching eased up after your last donation to the Red Cross:)
Hi yxhuang. My wife never asks about my hub score but she still reads (what she calls) my good hubs. No hub pressure for her. I have a great way to make your husband quit smoking. Just hide his cigarettes. :) (Thanks for the comment)
I am having a much better day...and owe it all to Hubpages, and the great people I have met here...Thank you again for your humor and knowledge!!
:)
I really adore this Hub. Thanks for writing it. You have made me laugh again. Have a great time...
Thank you, Tatjana-Mihaela. You're awesome!
hide the man's smokes??? yikes...what if we hid your computer??? do you think your hub pressure would rise???LOL ( but smoking is bad for you ) Hee hee G-Ma :o) Hugs
This is brilliant, man, brilliant .....
Hide my computer? You might as well just rip out my heart, G-Ma!
Thanks newcapo. I really appreciate the compliment.
wouldn't want to do that...just meant it would cause your hub-pressure to rise...right??? :o( G-Ma :o) Hugs
lmao, this is brilliant. I am pretty sure I have had a hubattack a time or two. I thought the saying was silence is golden duct tape is silver. now if I could only figure out how to tape my hands from typing responses with my mouth I might be able to avoid future hubatacks.
I never knew something like Hubpressure existed till now,lol. I guess that applies to thouse who put in an average of 50 hubs or more plus per month. I am too happy if i can put in atleast 8-10 hubs a month.
Thanks Gwendymom. When you're done with the duct tape, send it over as I'll be needing it. I'm another one who can't keep his mouth shut-or his fingers away from the keyboard. I appreciate your stopping by.
Hello there, Anamika. Thanks for the nice comment. You write 8-10 hubs per month? Maybe you should be getting your hub pressure checked:)
Hubadubdub. I may have Hubitis or Hubsteria already. I will stop now before I get a fatal dose of huberis.
you're really creative. nice hub.
Hi earnest, Thanks for the comment. Just be sure not to get hubarrhea...
Thanks, codebreakers57. I'm glad you liked it.
Brilliant as always rockinjoe!
They say many a true word said in jest and this was deffiently jestfull!;)
Thanks CS. It means a lot coming from you.
Thank goodness you discovered this to pass along to warn us. We really appreciate this. :)
Thank you, RGraf. Stay healthy!
The hub pressure has been killing me today! 60 mile per hour wind took out my power for 12 hours! I've been in the fetal position all day!! Thank God it's over!
Yikes! I missed this when you first published it, now there's nothing funny left to say except good job and I got major chuckles out of this one...especially the 'bitch slapping your monitor' symptom. :D
Now about your comments...Christoph makes a good point about lieing to your doc, but I don't wish those hubberoids on you, although I think we're all at risk for that one with all this sitting.
So painkillers give you a creative spark. They just make me drool and babble. lol! Not cool at all. ;)
Keep em coming Joe. This is great stuff you're putting out.
B.T. don't talk like that! Just thinking of no power for 12 hours is gonna give me a hubattack! Glad you're back. :)
The problem is all the positive reinforcement from fellow hubbers, all those glowing comments, pats on the back, links and scores climbing higher and higher. Pavlov would be drooling. I doubt the patch can compete. Good luck with this addiction. I'm hooked and I've only been around the block a couple of months. Happy New Year! Debby.
The truth is out, you still live with mom cause you don't have friends and that van down by the river is a lie! Stop slapping the poor woman! All those hubs you are reading have gone to your head not your heart.
B.T. 12 hours? I would have had to check myself into the happy home for a week or so. I'm glad you made it though ok.
Thanks for the encouragement, Pam. I'm not too worried about hubberhoids. I use Huberation H (Thanks for the comment, as always)
Hi Debby, You're so nice. Thank you for stopping by. Thanks for the support. I personally think everyone is crazy for leaving me so many comments with this silly hub.
Hi C.S.Alexis. I suppose it could be worse. I could live in Indiana. Thanks for the comment.
Rockingjoe...your smart humor and elegant wit has made my day...thanks...I may have noticed your van down by the river...
Hi pylos. Thank you. Next time you see the van, stop by and say hello:)
Funny. Yep, I think you've definitely got it! But, I'm not going to help you get over it... I'm too busy commenting.
I'll see you at the next Hubber's Anonymous meeting, Constant Walker
Nice one, Joe! Guess we all suffer from it occasionally. Get well soon :-)
How come nobody told me there were meetings? Can I come too?
My doctor prescribed me some kind of hub vaccine and unfortunately it has brought my hub pressure down to "normal" levels. If you want I would be very happy to share it with you. They call it WorkTM (I heard there is a generic one, HardWork I believe) and I´m starting to think that they fooled me because now that my hub pressure it´s "good" I´m starting to suffer from high blood pressure, can you believe it!?
Good news is I have a new doctor and she recommended me to take a hub vitamin everyday and the results are amazing! I believe I have found the right balance and I feel like I could live this way forever.
Thanks for the laughs!
Hi Funride. How've you been? I'd like to go and see your doctor, but the plane ride to Portugal is a long one. However, my wife is from San Miguel, so maybe I can sneak in a vacation while we're at it.
Hard work? Me? Never! (Thanks for the comment:)
Hi B.T. We have a strict no jackalope policy, but maybe I can pull some strings.
I loved the hub patch. Wonder if I should get one? Great hub!
Great hub
Hi SweetiePie. I should start marketing that Hub patch. I bet I could sell a million!
Thank you, Lgali
I wonder Rockinjo, did the doctor mention hubwarts? I've been reading so much about how to hub, you are scarring me.
If you see the doctor anytime soon, could you maybe ask him? See if he has a brochure on hubknots or hubwarts or hubbumps?
thanks
Thanks Newsworthy. A hub chair is a fantastic idea. Hubpages will probably see this, build a million chairs and make a gazillon dollars on this. Make sure you get a cut.
What I was saying was....has anyone heard of ergonomic hubchairs? My question got lost somehow. If so, please let me know where to find one. This sitting thing ....how do u guys do it? :-)
"Doctor doctor give me the news, I got a bad case of hubbing blues."
If they make a hubchair, they have to make a hubpillow. And I do need both, if they do. The cut and the cushion!
lol. This was too funny RJ. The funny thing about online friends is that I can actually tell them all of my secrets... thats what I love about online pals vs real ones.... real ones spill.... online ones dont know who to spill to even if they wanted to. hehe.
Thanks, MV, You're definitely right about online friends vs. real friends. Online friends are the greatest...and you don't have to buy them dinnner.
Jim Batuyong says:
12 months ago
Well Joe, least you found out now before it was too late to get help. Stay away from that patch though. I've heard that if you get too big of a dose of reality it could freak you out and send you straight to the forums ranting a raving on all sorts or topics.