The addict in withdrawal is experiencing physical pain. It is not discomfort, as the medical community is wont to say. It is pain. Nerves beneath the skin are pulled tight, tight as piano wire. Muscles ache, as if being squeezed and twisted by malicious hands. Bones feel brittle, especially the spine. The eyes are dry and the addict sees through a veil of gray dust. Shakes and shivers rattle the heart.

What can be said to someone in this state, someone who knows that to relieve these symptoms would be to start the cycle of addiction all over again? The addict is tempted; every minute is full of temptation. The addict knows the vibrations pounding against his temples will stop if he can just get a little taste.

You're his friend, his lover, his mother or whatever. What can you say?

Very little, if anything, can be said to someone who is stuck in the very, very small universe of pain and temptation.

But you search for words, words that will comfort, words that will give some relief, or perhaps guidance. Say only that you love them, that you care, and that you are here for them. Words at this point are floating through his head, jumbling up and disintegrating.

You will need words later, after the physical pain. That's when the psychological battle needs to be fought.

After the pain of withdrawal, the addict feels good. He's sure he'll never go back. But the day-to-day boredom or day-to-day stress will start to creep back into his psyche, and the urge to find relief will creep back into his head.

It's after the physical pain that the real pain begins. External factors induce internal anger, and the need to find relief starts again. This is when you need words.

When you know they are wanting, craving just a taste, to take the edge off, you need to say, "You can't have it."

You need to say, "You don't want that. You want to feel better. Here. Have a brownie."

You need to say, "What set you off? Did your boss say something stupid again?"

You need to say, "I'm the one you talk to about this. I'm the one you tell. I'm the one who will listen."

You need to say anything that will get the addict talking. You need to say anything that will make the addict want to tell you why he's in so much pain.

Your words need to be the catalyst, not the solution. It's his words that need to fill the air between you and envelope the both of you. He needs to know that he can say what he needs to say to you.

And then you listen.