What is Humility?

I have a new understanding of what it means to walk in humility. I was raised with a very low self esteem, and at a pretty early age, I began seeking out compliments, and praise from others, to make myself feel better. I developed some sense of worth through my grades, through tests, through work evaluations, and skilled certifications. Over the years, I’ve sat through numerous Bible studies about what it means for a Christian to be humble. ‘Blessed are the poor in spirit’ is often quoted in churches from Jesus’ words in the New Testament. I’ve also heard numerous lessons on how God despises haughtiness, and how pride comes before a fall.

I’ve spent a life time trying to please God, and one of the ways is by embracing the idea of ‘being humble’. After all, the ultimate act of humility is God choosing to become a mortal man through Jesus. So I’ve acted humbly by carefully choosing my words, and my actions, towards others, especially when I held the power position in the relationship. That is with my children, and in various work situations. I’ve purposely have chosen to avoid speaking in a way that could be considered bragging about my accomplishments, or skills, always filtering my words, and actions, through my ‘Jesus humility filter’. All the while inside feeling proud of my self-discipline for acting humbly, with others, especially when I felt like they weren’t as smart, or as hard working, or as disciplined as myself. I’m not saying this is a right thought, I’m just explaining my ‘humility walk’.

I now realize true humility only comes from having a complete dependence on God’s guidance, and blessing. I’ve walked in humility, as I understood the Bible’s teachings about humility. There are people who boast about what they are able to do, causing people to think they can do more than they’re able, and other people, like myself, who are often underestimated, and typically can do much more than what people may expect, because we purposely don’t boast about our skills, and accomplishments. Even though I’ve gone through some horrible times, being raised in a dysfunctional and abusive home, somehow I always felt lucky, and smart for surviving many of my situations. It feels weird to admit it, definitely doesn’t sound too humble.

I’ve never taken God out of the equation, but when I think about it, my thinking was more God’s helping me. Now, my thinking is more in line with I’m helping God.

I don’t want to lose my house. I’m tired of keeping my home phone unplugged because of the round-the-clock calls from bill collectors, and with the holidays around the corner, I don’t know how I’m going to provide Christmas, and actually I’m wondering if I’ll still have my home. I believe I will. This is a statement of faith because circumstantially things aren’t looking too good. I have hope that the jobs, and the money will pick up, but all my contacts keep telling me in January. That’s nearly two months from now. I don’t believe it is God’s will for me to be homeless. I want to provide for my son. Last November, when I was reading about the widow and her son and the prophet Elijah, from the book of I Kings, I believe God spoke to me. He told me that my boy, and I, would be taken care of, and the message was repeated several times over a span of a week. The message, you, and your boy will be taken care of echoed through a radio ad, a TV program, and through friends’ comments at a Bible study.

I became excited about what God was going to do. My budget has always been tight, and for once I became hopeful that my money issues were soon to be behind me. Instead, within a few months of hearing God, one of the biggest financial storms, I’ve experienced since my marriage, began raging. This year has been one of the most challenging financial years I’ve had, since my divorce in 2000. Maybe God’s message had everything to do with what was, at the time, going to happen to encourage me to look beyond my circumstances, and to have faith in God’s promises. I’m still holding on to the message. It was clear, and repetitive.

Although, I feel in my spirit, everything is going to be okay, if I give any thought to my circumstances, fear takes over. And although I’ve been riding the crashing waves, figuratively speaking, as far as groceries, gas, and utilities, God is taking care of us. And every time I begin to doubt that God is going to help me, a little break through happens. Christian people stepping forward, telling me they’re praying for me, encouraging me, sharing what is theirs, with me - talk about experiencing humility. We all have our storms. I don’t think that our Savior allows us to experience these storms, without His saving grace. I know any and all of ‘my efforts’ can fail, but if God decides to calm the storm, then any and all efforts I make, following His guidance, cannot fail. I know this is true. I feel it through every part of my being.

And although right now I’m in bondage to my debts, and worries about being able to keep my home, this new heart-felt realization about God’s favor, is freeing. It also makes me more grateful when I think back through all the storms, I’ve sailed through, knowing now in spite all of ‘my efforts’, and worries, Jesus is the one who kept me afloat, and has kept me sailing during the storms. I’ve been in this storm much longer than I thought was possible, without drowning.

This morning, when I read from the gospel of Luke, I read about a time when Jesus went on a lake in boat with His disciples. In Luke’s story, Jesus fell asleep, and while he slept a storm began raging, scaring Jesus’ disciples: ²⁴The disciples went and woke [Jesus], saying, "Master, Master, we're going to drown!" [Jesus] got up and rebuked the wind and the raging waters; the storm subsided, and all was calm. ²⁵"Where is your faith?" he asked his disciples. (Luke 8:24)

I’ve been crying out to my Lord, telling Him how I’m drowning in this financial storm. In my spirit, I know He’s asking me, ‘where is your faith?’

My faith is in my Lord!