The holidays are upon us again.  (Oh.  Yay.  I can hardly sit still with joy.) At any rate, with Christmas comes Christmas Music.   We've all heard the normal stuff; you can only "pa rum pum pum pum" so many times before it gets BORING.  So, I tender my 5 (five) favorite "alternative" Christmas songs.   I don't rank, just number them.

5.  "Christmas in Sarajevo" - Trans Siberian Orchestra.  Christmas in Sarajevo, perhaps the best known song by this group, is a combination of two Christmas classics, those being the Carol of the Bells and God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.  Both songs are in a minor key, so they mesh well.  Now, here's the interesting part - over the usual orchestral parts, TSO layers loud, fast, crunchy guitars.  One of the groups' founders is a guitarist named Al Pitrelli, a studio musician who has done time in many different outfits, such as Alice Cooper, but his biggest tenures were with prog-metal group Savatage, and thrash legends Megadeth.  After he was booted from Megadeth when the band went on hiatus a few years ago (due to an injury to singer/primary guitarist Dave Mustaine's arm) he decided to pursue an idea he had for Christmas tunes with a few like mided others, and that gave birth to Trans Siberian Orchestra.   If you want your local headbanger to appreciate Christmas music a little more, stuff his stocking with one of their CDs.   

4.  Fairy Tale In New York - The Pogues.  This duet by The Pogues' singer Shane MacGowan and late singer Kirsty MacColl is not your average Christmas love fest - in fact, its the complete opposite.  The point of view of the male singer is from the Drunk Tank on Christmas Eve.  The Pogues weren't exactly known for having a PC nature - sobriety in and around that band is considered a character flaw - but the sheer brilliance of the sniping, oh it's glorious!  "Happy Christmas your -WHOA!-, I pray God its our Last!"  Although, perhaps Shane MacGowan should be singing "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth."   

3.  If It Doesn't Snow This Christmas - Joe Pesci.  Joe Pesci released an album in the 90s that barely anybody knows about.  Pesci actually got his start in show business as a lounge entertainer, and believe it or not, he can actually sing.  Granted, half the album are songs that show off what makes Pesci an icon - i.e. generous profanity and threats of violence delivered with comic genius - and the other half are actual jazz standards, a few of which are actually really good.  However, one of them starts off as an innocent inquiry about the logical fallacy of Santa without snow on Christmas, but then takes a detour as the questions posed become more like "How does that fat -expletive- get around?" Don't hear that kind of song about Santa that often do ya? 

2.  Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer.  I forget who did this one, but its well known enough.  This is perhaps the most innocent entry on this list, but I think it bears merit enough.  It's amusing, its a bit on the dark side, but its pretty clean, and fun enough for the whole family.  (Since the previous two aren't.)  Demented and humorous.   

1.  The Night Santa Went Crazy - Weird Al Yankovic.  In this fractured fairytale take on life at the North Pole, Santa finally goes stir crazy, and goes on a killing spree.  The reindeer and elves are massacred, blown to bits, machine gunned down with a happy tune.  That most famous of Reindeer, Rudolph, gets made into reindeer sausage, barbecues Blitzen...how can you top it?  "Merry Christmas to All - Now You're All Gonna Die!"  Heaven!